When you have a relationship with a Narcissist you will ALWAYS be admonished, silenced, punished, BLAMED, and eventually discarded!


From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @http://www.amazon.com


Being a victim of Narcissistic abuse is a severely traumatic life experience that you are probably dealing with by yourself. If the perpetrator is a person you loved, admired, or looked up to as a role model, or a wife, husband, parent, guardian, friend, relative, etc., you don’t understand the reality or severity of the situation because most of the time you loved the person, trusted them and believed in them. You went the extra mile for them as well as giving up so much of yourself in doing so. If your professional life is entangled with a Narcissistic boss, co-worker, etc., makes getting out of the abusive relationship extremely challenging, especially when this is your livelihood, or your bread and butter. It most situations where a Narcissist is connected to your life it is difficult to just pick up, leave, and start over again because there is so much involved before you can do this.


It may seem frightening and insurmountable after the time you have invested, and you may be tempted to put up with more chaos as an attempt to defuse the situation and save what mattered so much to you in any of the relationships you were entangled in. BUT there is nothing even near to a normal or real relationship with a Narcissist, and you can only learn this the hard and painful way if you stay or repeat the same steps you have in the past with them. There is no healthy give-and-take relationship with a Narcissist, only a manipulative, crippling, and subjugating relationship from a demanding, exploitative, and insensitive type of taking what the Narcissist wants to fulfil their needs only. People are only objects that a Narcissist uses. We are NOT objects nor can we ever redefine our roles in life to accept such a role with another human being.


It is especially difficult to accept this when your interactions with them are at the personal, professional, familial or intimate level. How much of yourself, your work, or your aspirations, do you have to sacrifice in order to save your life and your psyche from the destructive assaults from your Narcissistic abuser? Sometimes you have to lose all of it and start over again from scratch. As horrendous as that may sound, the bottom line is that you will achieve freedom and gain your belief system and sanity back and that basically describes saving your own life! What a horrendous step to take in life or basically having to run to save yourself from something so destructive that it can literally destroy your sanity – and especially if it is a person you trusted and loved like a spouse, partner, parent, family member, or even a close friend. This is a magnanimous layer that is added to our recovery process – have to basically see our world destroyed around us and having to reconstruct that world as part of recovery and healing.


Don’t try to fight a war that you can’t win because a Narcissist lacks any and all morals and they abide by no rules nor are they fair. You can’t engage in reality with a person that lacks a conscience, morals, emotions and expect to be heard, yet alone find common ground or any sort of closure. Narcissists have no sense of guilt or remorse for their actions. There is NO WAY you can shame them into accepting responsibility for their mindless and thoughtless approach to other people especially if it is “you.” They already have a mechanism in place that has been dumping that shame since they were very young. Don’t ever underestimate their depravity as it concerns their lack of respect for life and people because they will abuse anyone that stands in their way, even their own biological children or ANY family member. They will go to ANY lengths to destroy your integrity to protect themselves from exposure – so yet another layer is added to recovery – fear of retribution and the damage they will cause to your life.


So how could you have been such a fool? The painful realization often comes with the disbelief of just how could we have not realized that he/she was like this? That’s another thing that educating yourself about this disorder will teach you very clearly. The Narcissistic personality is especially good at being pathologically deceptive and manipulative at simulating genuine affection, emotions, caring AND even love to gain our trust so they can essentially use us and abuse us. In reality, the Narcissist is only capable of caring about themselves. The Narcissist can BASICALLY imitate emotions or that they care about you or even love you as long as he/she continues to see you reflect extreme adulation and admiration for them, which is usually in the beginning of your personal relationship with them and that traps you into the cycle of abuse with them. Underneath all of that is a delusional and out-of-control amoral person that lacks respect for life and people and has no conscience about how they debase people to GET WHAT THEY WANT – supply. That is what it all boils down to – we satisfy some sort of need, but they have many needs, and many people they use to satisfy their immense needy void hole. You thought this was a primary relationship with them and it never was because your role with them in any relationship is to serve their immediate needs.


The perceptions of the Narcissist are truly their reality. If you look back you have never been able to change or influence ANY of their perceptions because they got louder and completely ignored your every word to the contrary concerning any of their delusional outbursts, especially if it concerned their own accountability or the truth about them. If you couldn’t effect change with them living in a close relationship, then don’t waste your time and effort ever trying AGAIN. They live in their own world and no matter how false or unreal it appears to you, for them it is reality because it has to be for them to survive among us. As soon as a Narcissist begins to perceive that you have a voice of your own and a right to existence, the trouble starts and then there is no return because there is no possibility of two way communication with them because they are omnipotent and need to control everything and everyone in their environment to maintain that facade. The more you push your individualism forward the more resistance from the Narcissist. Their façade is impenetrable and has to be or they would self-destruct if people knew the truth.


Lies and deceit are as natural to the Narcissist’s world as is breathing. A Narcissist has the amazing ability with their ‘shrewd deception’ to make ‘others’ believe their lies EVEN when they fly right in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Heck they are so smooth at their LIES that the Narcissist also believes THEIR own lies. Mine could have been given an honorary PHD in lies, and lying! Take the position that everything they say to you is a lie and or based on a lie, or as my friend once told me “if they are breathing they are lying!”


It is extremely painful, to come to the conclusion that people who have meant a great deal in your personal (or professional) life can ACTUALLY destroy you and you have to disengage with them completely to literally save your life. Sit back for a moment and really think about that and it is a hard pill to swallow. It is EXTREMELY painful, but the alternative is only to continue the descent along the dark path of self-destruction. Stop it all and finally break the chain that keeps you tied to an abuser. Everything you have built with this person was done in vain, and if you keep believing or buying into the games/lies with the hope to catch a glimpse of what things were like when you lived in the illusion they fabricated for you, you will only be drawn back into the abuse over and over again. The promises like a life journey together or sharing the joys of REAL love, a future, intellectual fulfillment, dreams, goals, etc., were part of the abuse to only control you and keep you chained to the abuse.


One day you will see the complete picture and it will never make what they did better, but you will understand because you have finally been educated into what they are and what YOU aren’t. A Narcissist is a dead giveaway in the way they create their delusional turmoil after each and every departure from one of their con jobs or relationships as the Narcissist prefers to call them. While they are running away like the thieves they really are with their tails between their legs, they are really running away from the truth of who and what they are. We are the truth they are running from as they are throwing lies back at us in an effort to smear our integrity and destroy us. They never can or will admit to what they have done, instead they will always slither into someone else’s life to find shelter, create a new family, and take what they can emotionally and physically. In the end you were still the amazing and loving person you ALWAYS were and that is what sent the Narcissist running for their life – YOU WERE JUST TOO STRONG for them and saw right through their façade! No/minimal contact ALWAYS! Greg

Posted on July 10, 2016, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Awesome! Your writing is brilliant. You hit on everything perfectly. Thing is, it’s been 18 months since my NA left. I am in no way back to normal. I was recently told “you are not even the SAME person you were last January 2015.” 😦 My anxiety is through the roof, I have a hyper scare reflex, if that’s the right term, that is not getting better & >30 weight loss. My face is drawn and I look like someone let the air out of, my once pretty, SAIL. I don’t want to go ANYWHERE. Have no interest in anyone and seems nobody is interested in my company either. I am now totally alone. And YES, THEY DID SLITHER RIGHT INTO SOMEONE ELSE’S LIFE…my daughter’s, my son in law’s and my granddaughters’ home. ONE NIGHT TURNED INTO A YEAR. He conned them and controlled them and of course was way louder than them. However, although she has finially seen the light, my daughter and I have no relationship. We tried, I tried harder but I just can’t get past “the scatching my head” phase. I flip flop. At times I would bent over backwards to rekindle our relationship but the hurt, anger, resentment and bitterness crep through. And, YES, I was and still am, a good, kind loving human being, I was an excellent, giving mother, but I approach EVERY situation with caution and with a bit of hardness much unlike me. Thing is, he told me he was a NARCISSIST but I even as a nurse, did not realized narcissism had an ICD 9/10 Code! I have been termed “one of the strongest women they’ve ever met” but having suffered with major depression, chronic anxiety and PTSD prior to meeting this person, my emotional instability is so bad…I am at a state of encompass with my daughter. At my age (64 now and this started at 57)) I’ll probably die with this still in me, grieving for my daughter….. wishing she’d show remorse or act as if “SHE” HAD A CONSCIOUS and lI’ve me…I’m beginning to wonder about her soul , too …… is she narcissistic? Her character, morals, love for herself is sickening. Her unscrupulous behavior is out of sorts at least 98%. I don’t know her anymore. She exhibited this behavior in her teens yet she seemed to grow into a loving, honest, wonderful daughter, mother and wife. Now a big backslide. Left her husband, children, dog, friends and me. I never saw this coming. I’m truly at my wits end. Thanks for listening. I’ll keep reading your post and keep trying very hard. Please know though, I am happier for the peace and moreover, the silence.


  2. The way you “win” with a narcissist is just that. They know that you know what they are about, what they do and in my case, what they have done in the past and with whom. I confronted the ex with the truth. He did the normal Narc thing and got very vicious. He then love bombed me afterwards I then looked up all his friends on Facebook blocked them then blocked him. There are two of his victims on this site. One was married to him for three years. They don’t know that I know who they are. I wait for the day that he does self destruct. If that happens I for one will celebrate the arriving of his own karma.


  3. Thanks Greg. I’m gonna read this again and if you don’t mind I will make a link to this site in my next text on my own blog.
    Your text gives a good explanation on my own thoughts.
    My blog is in Swedish but I think Google Translate give a translation which is ok, even it’s not perfect.
    I’m describing my way of resurrection after leaving my narc.


  4. Julie Minshull

    Amazingly true and exact.
    Slither into another relationship…..
    Leaving you free to be whole again…
    I’m grateful for the months of heartache and turmoil that I know I have been spared since this reptile left.
    I’m whole and complete ans strong once again…


Thoughts or Feelings you'd like to share?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: