We are all interchangeable objects in the Narcissist’s world and we all have an expiration date!
From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @http://www.amazon.com
Let’s put this all together in simple terms to understand the truth behind a Narcissist’s agenda. YES they seem to be very lovable, highly charming, possessing empathy and even intelligent. That is the façade that they create and there is no reality to it. The only significance to it is that it allows the Narcissist to con people into their world to extort them! This becomes the very illusion and trap that the target/victims get caught up in that becomes the future source of so much misery for targets/victims. We BELIEVE in the Narcissist’s manufactured love/charm or we fall in love with them and become vulnerable because of the emotional attachment. It is a horrendous disappointment, and disillusionment when you realize that you fell in love with a perfect illusion of love that is TOTALLY manufactured and destructive! It becomes traumatic when you have to deal with this and accept that the time you invested and the love that is a reality to you NEVER existed – IT WAS A FAÇADE and this Narcissist extorted your life and love and everything else that this Narcissist could from you.
Underneath that facade was the Narcissist’s structured agenda to lure you in and capture you as a new source of supply. BUT the truth behind this manufactured love is that the Narcissist’s façade is so weak and disordered and very inconsistent. You were always feeling off balance and you somehow committed yourself to fix them and fix the relationship AND they took advantage of this. Somewhere in all of this you lost sight of your individual needs because the Narcissist used your emotions and love AGAINST you to keep bringing you down and making you more vulnerable and dependent on them. The Narcissist knew that love would make any human vulnerable and that is what they used to manipulate you. It sounds ridiculous or even crazy BUT that is the truth and there is even a name for this charming trap – ‘LOVE BOMBING!’ By their very nature Narcissists are out of control and jump at any opportunity to scam somebody or use them as supply but they keep this well-hidden from the outer world and THAT has a descriptive name as well or their ‘FAÇADE!’ Narcissists learned that manufactured charm and love would secure at least one source of 24/7 supply and still allow them to have the freedom to secure OTHER supply on the side as well! You were never the wiser as it concerned their perverted world (on the side) because you were too busy loving them and believing their distorted lies! Just even writing about this sounds too incredulous to be true BUT IT IS!
The complexity of the Narcissist consists entirely of coping and defense mechanisms that completely drive them. These mechanisms are ALL consuming and the Narcissist is working double time or even triple time to repress their severely damaged persona and that is all they are able accomplish to maintain their own distorted sanity – they live and breathe to control themselves and us. So basically their disordered agenda HAS to include the false identity (mask) as part of their coping mechanism AND part of their defense to avoid having to look inward at how disordered they are, but they also need it desperately to achieve a source of supply and then they have to protect this façade with their life to avoid exposure. They are one HUGE defense mechanism that functions to repress their disordered and damaged self so they can cope with the real world and seem to be normal in our world. They protect it at all costs and if they are wounded they will strike out and attack anyone that threatens their world which is easy to do because EVERYTHING threatens them. They CAN’T maintain the fake love because it is not anything real to them, it is a tool and just part of the overall defense mechanism. They become easily bored because they don’t experience the real emotions of love that connect two people normally. Don’t think I am saying this so that we pity them – there are two different directions that every person in this world has the capability to actualize – and that involves making the right or wrong choices! To destroy, harm, lie, steal, manipulate, destroy, etc. IS THE WRONG CHOICE and ABUSE!
Any effort that you invest in trying to relate to a Narcissist emotionally is doomed the very second you try to actualize your thoughts as a workable reality. Also any attempt that you make along the lines of trying to understand their world, their patterns, why they do what they do, or why they react in the manner they do, or relating their actions into viable emotions as YOU normally relate to emotions is also totally hopeless! It will always end up destructive to YOU and used against you by the Narcissist.
Narcissists make no emotional investments in anybody, but they do mimic emotions as a tool to manipulate you and I. Along the same lines they feel no stimulation from you or the relationship that you have with them. You do however have a very clear and significant role and that is as Narcissistic Supply. They abhor intimacy and see it as a weakness so you are only a means to an end as supply or basically an object that they need to function!
There is no love, no personal interest, no emotional attachment, and no intellectual stimulation with their significant others. Individuality is perceived as a threat to Narcissists so they manipulate through deception to control us and their environment (or their fortress.) The whole relationship is a process of devaluation to make targets/victims dependent on the Narcissist and it is seriously starts from day one to get you under their spell. We basically take on the role of a parent or baby sitter to a Narcissist. Unfortunately we end up dealing with a contemptuous and mean 3 year old that makes us a punching bag for their tantrums and rages, co-dependent or always walking on eggshells to soothe them, and caught up in every distorted whim of theirs. They never get better through our love, care and respect AND instead we are taken for granted and used more and more. It is a full time job that is emotionally and physically draining if you are a person that is directly connected to a Narcissist. Then there is always the destruction that goes hand in hand with the relationship because it really isn’t a 3 year old child you are dealing with, but instead a highly disordered and abusive adult!
We are not capable of maintaining a one way relationship especially when our individual needs come into play AND this becomes our downfall. The Narcissist does throw out a few bones here and there but that is only to maintain their distorted agenda and keep us as active supply until they can find another MAIN source of supply. Narcissists are always on the hunt for newer and better supply and we do have an expiration date! We are not objects so we start questioning our roles and the Narcissist’s behaviors and that is where the trouble starts. The Narcissist will not allow us to be anything but an adoring servant to them. We are not allowed to make them accountable for any of their actions and we fall out of grace quickly and punished severely. There is NO life with them, NO relationship with them, NO fixing them, NO bond with them, and NO connection with them whatsoever. No/minimal contact ALWAYS! Greg