Understanding your role with a Narcissist in practical terms that will explain WHAT being ‘supply’ to a Narcissist really means!
From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @ Amazon.com
Narcissistic supply is MANY things but basically any emotional or physical attention, energy, help, support, sympathy, acknowledgement or approval that you give to a Narcissist for any reason, be it positive or negative. It is ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that FEEDS their obsessive, and insatiable need for attention. Remember that they have basically tricked you into their world with such superficial charm or love bombing to harvest you like a farmer harvests their many crops. There is NO love, NO real relationship, NO reciprocation, NO respect given to you as a person, NO CONNECTION whatsoever, just complete nothingness! Yes it seems that they are a HUGE and viable part of your life as in reciprocating with emotions, empathy and LOVE, but the HUGE part is that they are only a façade and you are experiencing their manipulative agenda to pull you into their needy and destructive world! That is a hard concept to wrap your head around because you probably SWEAR that they love you! You believe it so much so that your emotions are wrapped up in this amazing relationship and love AND that is exactly where the Narcissist wants you to be! You just don’t believe it can be anything but love until you are abruptly discarded OR you become wise to the Narcissist’s lies and leave them! But what lies between this love and finally realizing the truth can literally destroy you when you see the truth standing in front of you. It is unfortunate that you never knew about these creatures and this type of abuse so those red flags waving at you made enough sense for you to run for your life before it was too late! But you met a Narcissist and this is what they do and do so well. This is abuse and not a jerk. This is a distorted and cruel creature that puts itself and its needs before everything else even if it means destroying a person to get what it needs!
On a day to day basis, a Narcissist can get supply from their job or career, an organizational connection, religious affiliation, volunteering, specific talent or their particular lifestyle – they need to source out supply EVERYWHERE they can. BUT in every one of these scenarios it is always connected to the attention that the Narcissist receives or pulls in from another person or people! It most often comes from people that are directly connected to the Narcissist’s immediate surroundings like a spouse, child, employee, friend, or co-workers who interact with the Narcissist. But with modern technology and social sites the Narcissist is now able to network easily and cover more ground with their fake and superficial profiles and keep their secrets so well hidden. They use social sites like a politician uses a campaign to get votes! Basically the Narcissist employs everyone to serve them and everything is based on the Narcissist’s superficial lifestyle. This is all supported by the lies they create to make themselves out to be these charming, moral and amazing people in our world when they are the direct opposite or destructive and cruel monsters in private! They are harvesting supply everywhere they can steal it from.
It is not limited to familiar people in the Narcissist’s life though. A Narcissist will seek out perfect strangers to secure ‘extra’ or ‘more’ supply. This will more than likely be sexual in nature like a one night stand with a perfect stranger. Basically it amounts to betraying their ‘loving’ partner with their many out-of-control affairs without a concern, care or thought to how they hurt a person they are in a relationship with, after all it is just extra supply for the Narcissist and it serves them. More than often we are ‘none the wiser’ to their torrid affairs and perverted lifestyle. But my point here is that WE are not the only person they source out for supply. We may be the ‘consistent’ and day by day supply, but by far we are not the only one!
If you happen to be the ‘main’ person OR ‘main’ source of supply that the Narcissist draws their attention from, just know that they will do ANYTHING to ensure it keeps coming from you by distorting and deflecting from the real truth until they are done with you. They will fly into a Narcissistic rage if it is removed, diminished or cut off for any reason. They will be absolutely relentless with their manipulation so that they can get EVERYTHING they can out of you by controlling you. Unfortunately within the manipulation we somehow believe that we are special, or needed, and even loved by the Narcissist. If you’re thinking you must be special to be able to supply something that the Narcissist needs so badly, think again – you are just another source of supply. You are there as a servant and all of that fanfare of them loving you as well as the many promises are part of the huge façade and mask they wear to abuse and extort everyone. There is no ‘special’ person in a Narcissists world – there are only objects!
Anyone – be it a male or female that expresses and type of awe, wonderment, gratitude or praise for the Narcissist’s accomplishments and performance, OR their looks, skills, talent or anything else is readily accepted and pulled into their world. Anyone that expresses complete and unending gratitude for anything/everything the Narcissist has ever done for them, said to them, or told them is also readily accepted and pulled into their world. Also anyone who expresses sympathy and agreement with the Narcissist’s self-perception that he/she is God’s gift to an undeserving world. Anyone who shows complete adoration and compliments/supports the Narcissist for their amazing mind, body, special spiritual connections, job, car, home, clothing, style, and wisdom, etc. Anyone willing to give up their time, MONEY, attention, or life in order to meet all the Narcissist’s needs. Anyone who will acknowledge that the narcissist is completely entitled, special and above people so much so that they (Narcissist) should not be subject to normal rules, regulations, or laws. Anyone willing to join the Narcissist’s team, and show righteous indignation for his/her suffering, which is FAR greater than most and always undeserved no matter what! Anyone that will join the Narcissist’s battle to destroy people they have intentionally harmed as well as support their destructive agenda. Anyone who shows complete agreement that the Narcissist is so special, misunderstood by the entire world, and under-appreciated. Anyone that is willing to overlook the occasional, or repeated violations and exploitation of them for any reason becomes special and ARE ACCEPTED AND PULLED INTO THE NARCISSIST’S WORLD and become SUPPLY! None of us are better than the next source or previous source, WE ARE ALL SUPPLY period. Everybody is a puppet that the Narcissist manipulates to create their false world. Look to the Narcissist’s past and you will see many puppets they have used/destroyed and then thrown into the garbage after they have served their purpose! The Narcissist even sources out their minions to support that they are innocent in ANY wrong doing so they can bury you alive with more lies or that infamous smear campaign!
One thing that is very important to understand and that is to differentiate between what you believe is love and the reality of the Narcissist’s TRUE agenda. Narcissists will cling to you as their main source of supply as long as you are serving them and giving your all! But the second they find someone with more supply than you, they are gone and they have damaged you, your integrity, and your life and extorted most everything that they could get away with. They will leave you in a heartbeat and never look back as well as blame you as being the problem. They will leave their biological children behind as well so they can move on to their next source and a new family and community to support them. These creatures JUST DON’T care because everyone is just an object. Unfortunately you also loved them and believed in them and somehow thought that if you gave everything you could things would change or perhaps the Narcissist would change! No they were reaping the benefits of their agenda and game plan and sucking your life dry. THIS is the extent of the relationship with them – that huge image of LOVE that you have spent many years developing with them, pursuing, tendering, holding onto, etc., is what they used to COMPLETELY support their agenda to make sure they were able to tap into you as a source for their SUPPLY. The Narcissist’s manipulation tactics were seamless enough to fool you so COMPLETELY! This is the whole truth in a nutshell that you have to accept as reality even after all the time you put into them. You have to stop believing anything about them AND immediately or they will keep coming back for more because this is what they do, BUT THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE OR STOP ABUSING AND EXTORTING! No/minimal contact to stop the madness, lies, betrayal, destruction, pain, and trauma that has put you in the place where you are today! You are truly an amazing person that can love, that is normal, and all of this was situational and premeditated by a personality disordered person. Greg