YOU are told that YOU are the crazy one, YOU are the problem, YOU have issues, and YOU are the reason this relationship DOESN’T work!
From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!
The Narcissist can’t participate in what they don’t know and will never know and it becomes a major obstacle for them. Remember the ‘charm’ or the love bombing was manipulation to get you to trust them, allow them into your life, and then they USED you as the NEXT source of supply and finally they disabled you, aimed to destroy your integrity, or the ‘harm’ that this cycle of abuse always ends with. It goes no deeper than this because they can’t resist any source of supply and have been betraying you constantly behind your back and then lying to your face. Then it is just a matter of time that the Narcissist will follow up with the perfect scenario to get to the discard because your emotions are like poison to them and THAT creates a frenzy in them to run to escape exposure because YOU HAVE CAUGHT ON TO THE TRUTH. So they will manage you down completely to avoid your emotions until they have sucked the life out of you – that was the real agenda here and the rest was just damage control to protect themselves from being exposed! They will completely destroy the target/victim’s integrity as punishment for loving them. The target/ victim is deemed as crazy, mentally ill, obsessed, scorned and YES their abuser. This is their ‘smear campaign’ to get at us, disable us, silence us, and humiliate us into fear and then silence us. Remember you are dealing with a very paranoid creature that TOTALLY fears that exposure. They don’t care about the harm and damage they did to you and your life – they just vdon’t want to be caught and labeled as an abuser!
Again, what is all of this saying but YOU are normal, smart, good, capable of love, etc. But A Narcissist hates the things they do not understand, or can’t participate in, so they seek to destroy them and you because they are so foreign to them. While you were spending so much time trying to repress your emotions and fix this relationship to be the perfect person or partner to them, you were actually doing just fine all along as a regular person and even probably pretty amazing. Your emotions are what make you human, and the Narcissist is not a fully functioning human and they got very tired of those human qualities because they are not in this to feed your needs, you are there to be completely unconditional to their every need and never expecting ANYTHING in return. Your goodness and amazing love needs nurtured and requires REAL love in return from this Narcissist and they can only imitate it for so long with their words and lies or until it makes them rage because you are asking for them to give of themselves in return. Remember this is a relationship that requires YOU giving your all and receiving NOTHING in return AND accepting their lies, manipulation, betrayal and abuse. This is a con artist and thief you are dealing with.
So now the HOW and WHY they run right off and into another relationship within minutes of the discard and throwing hate bombs back at you! First off, they always have had new supply waiting in the wings because there is never a viable or complete relationship in the Narcissist’s world only people to objectify and serve them EXTERNALLY and probably quite a few of them. We are all objects and that is where it begins and ends. If the Narcissists has a new and amazing target/victim it is about a value assessment that they made concerning you and that means you are no longer viable and useful, or you have caught on to them because there is absolutely no love in the equation – BUT there was to you and that is what you are feeling and that hurts horribly. The new target/victim is now more valuable than you because he/she is more than likely providing them with better and unconditional adoration that they crave that isn’t bound to any emotions – remember a Narcissist only values external stimuli.
They are just starting up a new cycle of abuse and there are no problems yet. It just interprets to you not doing enough in the ‘you must adore me completely and satisfy my EVERY need’ department – AND you could have NEVER done enough. So when the Narcissist dumps you for another target, they are writing you off as a less useful target/victim and source of supply – this again is their agenda to extort, use and abuse. They see you as less submissive, less controllable, and less vulnerable than their new replacement for you. When they dump you and rub the other partner in your face, they are not proving how happy they are or that they have found BETTER love, or YOU are not worthy of their love because you are defective and undeserving! They are only running for their lives and seriously trying to erode your self-esteem and integrity so that they can convince YOU that you are so much worse than their new conquest. They want to make sure that you are good and vulnerable so they keep kicking you now that you are down to shock and silence you! People that really love in a normal way do not intentionally harm people in their past by rubbing what they presently have in their faces – especially as it concerns moving on to a new relationship.
The only time people need to prove their happiness to others is when they are in fact very unhappy. So when Narcissist’s post those new pictures on a social networking site (or any pictures for that matter) for the world to see their AMAZING life, they are not happy. They are the same miserable pathetic creature and they are only trying to convince their NEW audience of just another lie by manufacturing misleading stories to create that new façade and of course bury their past.
Everything the Narcissist values is born out of pathological self-centeredness and the direct opposite of a normal and loving belief system or what you would value in life. So when they punish you, they are saying you were just too amazing to keep up with. They couldn’t completely destroy you and TAKE the things that you have ingrained in your heart, mind, and soul. They tried and they disabled you but everything good about you is still there! You really experienced their twisted, manipulative, and destructive envy of life and love OR their delusional world and THIS is what traumatized you! They tried to convince AND manipulate you to doubt your greatest assets and qualities. In time and when you can look back at the clearer picture you will begin to understand how this abuse was really an acknowledgment of your strengths that beat the Narcissist and the abuse! You have been deeply wounded by the pain this person inflicted upon you, and unfortunately it may take years to fully comprehend the extent of their abuse, but by far you are really an awesome person that was pursued by a predator that is dead inside but you overpowered their agenda and escaped with your life – YOU are just that strong and that resilient and you can and will recover from this abuse and your true spirit WILL come back to you! It all starts with No/Minimal contact! Greg