There is and never was ANY type of a real relationship with a Narcissist, just time lost with a disordered, destructive, and abusive person and great loss.
From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist,
So where did that ‘love’ go? Until the fact sinks in that the time they spent with us or anybody is never a ‘relationship’, but instead more of a pathological parasite feeding off of you/us, you just won’t “get” Malignant Narcissism. You will keep acting on the premise that the Narcissist has some feelings ‘JUST’ for you, or some sort of conscience, morals, ‘cares for’ or even loves you – and that premise couldn’t be further from the truth. It NEVER makes sense to you, so you keep blaming yourself because that is what you have been conditioned to do as if everything is your fault. You are always wondering whether it is you, or it is YOU that has temporarily lost your ability to relate NORMALLY in your relationship, or better yet you are crazy like your Narcissist is telling you. NO, no, no, no, no, no – it is the Narcissist that is crazy or clinically has the ‘personality disorder’. Well it is classified as a personality disorder but still in all it is CRAZY behavior or better yet dehumanizing, demeaning, debasing, and destructive behavior to make you think YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. Control is power to an abuser so whether you are attacked physically with a fist or attacked mentally with hideous, destructive and manipulating words, it is abuse from a disordered person, one that is not a fully functioning human being that lacks total empathy and love for their fellow man/womankind. You don’t intentionally CONTROL, harm, hurt, or destroy any creature on this planet for ANY REASON and these critters do it every waking moment of their lives.
Unreasonable expectations and demands are put onto you so you feel like you have to ALWAYS put YOUR needs aside to tend to their needs. You always feel incomplete with your own PERSONAL needs as well as your participation/interactions in this relationship or connection to them (this applies if it is a ‘love’ relationship, friendship, co-worker, family, etc., or any and all of the above). You are basically TOLD or manipulated into what you must to do or else it is wrong and the situation will fall apart, so you just give in. Abuse becomes your reality! But no matter how much you give, it’s never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you don’t fulfill all of this person’s needs and you could NEVER fulfil this Narcissists needs.
Living with someone like this is tremendously destructive to your psyche and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly confused, frightened, unsettled and off balance. THIS IS WHAT PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE IS! The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity which again makes you begin to think you are crazy or losing your mind (gas-lighting). Narcissists are always making you reflect upon your weaknesses (real and imagined) and pointing them out and also making you believe you are ‘losing it’ or you have many issues all in an effort to take you down as low as they can. This is the shrewd manipulation that a Narcissist uses to win this war they have with all people and life. It is like being in a maze that constantly shifts and changes and you just keep wandering around looking for that door that takes you out and back to a peaceful reality, but you will never find it until you kick those walls down and get out of this endless maze of abuse!
A Narcissist doesn’t acknowledge individuality or even like other people (remember we are just objects to use). Along with this premise the Narcissist doesn’t care about being liked – THEY DEMAND to be admired, feared, and favored. They don’t care about getting along with people because they are puppets to use and manipulate, and a Narcissist is no more capable of considering the consequences of their actions than a rock would. There is no consideration for anybody or anything with a Narcissist and nothing is never about whatever it REALLY is, instead it is always all about their omnipotence, superiority or ego instead or their fake façade. They HAVE to exploit EVERY single interaction with us to gratify THEIR needy ego at your ego’s expense or even DESTRUCTION. There’s no end to it. It’s exasperating and you never get through that brick wall a Narcissist throws up in front of you constantly, so always remember how much time you have tried to break down barriers to “fix” things. Everything would just bounce back to you as more blame and shame from this Narcissist. It was a relationship that was meant to deny you every bit of gratification or any “giving” from the Narcissist and instead “taking” every bit of gratification (supply) they could for their vast needy void.
This is the reality with a Malignant Narcissist be it a wife, husband, partner, brother, sister, friend, mother, father or whomever. There is and never was ANY type of a real relationship, just time lost with a disordered, destructive, and abusive person and great loss. There is no closure to this abuse because there is no real person so we only have the sad truth to embrace to start us out on a realistic path of recovery AND yes heal and rejoin life again. An interaction with a Narcissist is ALWAYS damaging and destructive to people.
No Contact – shut these monsters and their vermin minions completely out of your life so you can live again because there is no reality with them only destruction! Water always finds its level – and these creatures do meet up with their karma just by the process of how they intentionally hurt so many good people (and family) and everybody will just avoid them completely in time. You may not always see it like a huge lit up billboard that says “This Narcissist met their KARMA,” but look under a few rocks and you will find them there alone and in the darkness that they only created for themselves. You nor I can ever help them because that is where they choose to be – remember that always and remember how they harmed you when you reached out with LOVE! No/minimal contact! Greg