The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth as far as it concerns a Narcissist – EVERYTHING about them is a lie.
From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!
Naturally every relationship with a Narcissist ends in such a disastrous manner to the person that has gotten seduced into the relationship. BUT basically you can always count on some common denominators as to why they have moved on AND in reality it is really a tribute to your goodness, true strength and reality. YES, strangely enough, the discard is the Narcissist’s greatest tribute to your strength, unconditional love, and empathy. It reveals their true envy for you because you possess these amazing qualities that they can never have. It also represents their cowardice because you were just too strong for them as you questioned and figured out their manipulative game and exposed them as the LIAR, extortionist, and abuser they are. Unfortunately you still feel so worthless about your life, BUT that is exactly how the Narcissist wants you to feel. So some reality and a different spin of the truth of this relationship!
Narcissists just love to build you up with the ‘love bombing’ or during the idealization phase, BUT then they end up resenting and hating the happiness and love that is generated back by their partners (targets/victims). How pathological is that when you think about it and actually get what they ARE! So the Narcissist in their delusional world creates a viable solution to this that works for them and that is to harbor their extreme resentment through their passive/aggressive abuse to disable you and discard you in time. They make you become unhinged and anxious, essentially shattering all of that confidence that they built up originally with the ‘love bombing.’ Yes it is ONLY their plan to seduce you in so they can start extorting what they can and use you as supply but they hate you for being human and responding with care or love and that sends them running because that is not part of the original plan. SO essentially it means that you embody everything that they hate like emotions, love, happiness, and joy – but they also NEED you to be a source of supply so they charm you into the relationship and harm you on the way out.
They despise your good qualities, because it’s a reminder of everything they can never feel or be. These qualities are unreal and thus unattainable to them and worthless except to LURE YOU IN! Your happiness, goodness, smile, laughter, and love are all foreign to them and a horrible reminder that they are not fully functioning human beings. It also forces the reality that they can never truly be a human being especially one that experiences true love and growth with another person. Again that extreme envy is what makes them see their true reflection of what they are. So they have to mock your goodness and destroy you to convince themselves otherwise. They plan their destructive discard in order to repress your true worth of these amazing characteristics. They discard your amazing reality because it reflects upon the truth of their disordered and hateful reality because it makes you BETTER than them. They will discard a whole family EVEN their biological children to find new supply and feed their selfish needs without a care!
Now take a look at their crazy making and the chaos they impose onto us to HIDE and deny the real truth that they are pathological liars, cheaters, manipulators, and destructive when their accountability comes into question. They hate exposure, BUT in time their lies ALWAYS catch up with them. Every argument where they said you were crazy, obsessed, or making things up, or YOU were the one lying or having affairs is THEM fighting back to hide their TRUTH to avoid exposure. They cannot face the reality of what they are and have been running from it all of their lives with their lies, AND it must NEVER catch up with them! How truly delusional their world is that that they fight off their own reality and distorted world with even more lies and attacks on YOUR integrity and NEVER accept or face the truth. How amazing that your questions about their accountability led you to the truth of their consistent and CONSTANT cheating, lying, and triangulating that led you to your freedom in reality. These attacks are the Narcissist’s tools or ways of making you feel crazy for pointing out the truth. Their real agenda will be exposed if you see the truth. They will look like the criminals they really are.
When they punish you with their raging attacks it is because you have pointed out their lies, and they are desperately trying to escape exposure because you were just too smart for them. They try to destroy your sanity and intuition, and essentially your intuitiveness is too strong for them – this is how desperately they hold onto their lies to avoid the truth of what they are. They recognize these human traits of yours as dangerous to them and try to convince you that they are your weaknesses and delusions about THEM thus ensuring that you won’t use them anymore. When the Narcissist accuses you of being obsessed, jealous or overanalyzing everything, it just means you are catching on and too good of a detective and essentially way too smart for them. YOU could expose them as the defective person they are. That would brand them as a complete liar, a person than lacks any morals, a serial cheater, a manipulator, a thief, and a highly disordered person that would be shunned from society. We could completely expose their false persona that covers the dark character behind the mask. The loss would be too extreme so they must disable, discard, discredit, and destroy you AND move on to replacement ‘supply’ to survive.
So what about OUR emotions and the love that occurs after they manipulate us into their web of deception with that amazing thing called love. Your emotions definitely come into question because you are dealing with a creature that abhors goodness, emotion and love! Narcissists do love the idealization phase because everything is so picture perfect and their agenda is firmly in place and they are harvesting the supply they so desperately need and ADORED. There are no problems as long as they don’t have to deal with your needs and emotions. If we would only admire them so seamlessly and never be an individual with needs or have any type of resistance to the truth that faces us – then we would be their ideal source of supply. Well maybe this is somewhat true because they are just too out of control to be satisfied with just one mere human being and have always had other sources of supply on the side. So after they have conned someone that has fallen in love with them, the Narcissist suddenly finds themselves in a precarious and sticky situation. Their target/victim loves them, emotions are being generated and this is absolutely foreign to a Narcissist and they are not in this game to foster a greater emotional connection. The Narcissist easily gets bored and uncomfortable with this very quickly because it is so unreal to them.
PLEASE understand this completely so you NEVER go back to them in any capacity. The Narcissist can’t participate in what they don’t know and will never know and it becomes a major obstacle for them. Remember love bombing was just the manipulation to get you to trust them and give them supply. It goes no deeper than this because they can’t resist any source of supply and have been betraying you constantly behind your back and lying to your face. If you ever feel that they get away unscathed and are off living ‘happily ever after,’ then consider and imagine having to live like them where you NEVER realize the true value of love, or you can NEVER bond with a human being EVEN your own biological children. Imagine spending your whole life running away from your real self. No they are not better off because they are NOT fully functioning human beings! As much as today may hurt because of the abuse they have inflicted onto and into you — YOU are now free from this fake, desperate and debilitating relationship! Your normal and real love is what actually saved you in end – you were too strong and too real for this Narcissist! Break those chains with no/minimal contact and find your freedom and reality! Greg