A Narcissist is not a fully functioning human being – they are only an emotionless facsimile.
From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist.
Admitting faults, or taking responsibility for their harmful actions would take some degree of empathy of which Narcissists have NONE. It is virtually impossible for the Narcissist to put themselves in other people’s shoes and seeing him/herself as causing harm and destruction. Not only is the Narcissist incapable of this it also repulses them to believe they are anything less than perfect. Remember the Narcissist is omnipotent and as such is superior and always in charge of their delusional world. They will never put themselves in a position where they would even consider anything negative or wrong about their own self-absorbed and tyrannical nature – this would be a weakness on their part. If you were to point out something they have done wrong they will turn around and deny it first and THEN point out MANY things that are wrong with YOU! This superior concept that the Narcissist maintains is consistently mirrored in everything they do. We all end up failing to meet their needs so we will be dismissed by this grand dictator. Remember the Narcissist’s self-absorbed perspective defines humanity as existing only to serve his/her immediate needs – the sun rises and sets ONLY on them.
Again the Narcissist creates the grand illusion of a “special bond” or “love” for those whom he/she finds useful at any given moment. This interprets as those who enhance his/her reputation, or help him/her lure or procure other sexual partners, or offer him/her money, property, status, etc. For those unlucky individuals that the Narcissists fosters a relationship with it is really to isolate and target us for the time being to drain us of whatever it is that Narcissist is after, and they hoard over (isolate) us until they have gotten all they can get. Everyone who sees through the Narcissist’s mask of insanity or exposes his/her lies becomes an “enemy” in the Narcissist’s eyes, and therefore a target of his/her hatred and will be devalued and destroyed because they can never allow that mask to be removed to reveal the real creature that exists beneath it!
Their life boils down to an accumulation of targets/victims, sexual partners, and whatever property gains they manage to extort. As many spouses know Narcissists will have children with them as well, and sometimes children to other spouses or partners. It is sort of like a collection of human beings for the Narcissist or better yet objects that have no emotional depth or the chance of a worthwhile life with this Narcissist being OR acting like a real parent. Malignant Narcissists are so heartless and callous that they reject their own children, once they devalue and discard the target/victim spouse. BUT they will portray themselves as the BETTER spouse that is a complete care giver to these children, often taking credit for things the abused spouse has done in reality.
So the truth here is that their abuse is absolute and fundamental to the Narcissist’s survival in the real world. The Narcissist can’t change and, most importantly, they DON’T want to change because this façade is their working personality that gets them what they need. They inhabit a fantasy world which becomes reality for them and those they manage to brainwash. There is no reality or truth for any person that resides in their world. It is a train wreck waiting to happen and there are always many victims. In their world the truth and falsehood only holds a weak instrumental meaning as they apply it to any situation and there is absolutely no morality contained in any of their thoughts or actions.
We must imprint this message in our minds that at the core of the Narcissist’s psychopathy is a mindset governed by their grandiosity, lack of empathy for others, and a grand sense of entitlement and superiority that places them above laws and morality. The Narcissist grossly overestimates their abilities and accomplishments and underestimates the complete being of their target/victim. Simply put, the Narcissist should be able to do anything they wish, however harmful and destructive, because the Narcissist is better than others. In the Narcissist’s mind, by making us a part of their wonderful life by mere association with them, he/she passes on to us this grandiosity as if they are royalty and that is our reward. It is ridiculous and repulsive that they can believe this nonsense and more akin to pompousness and arrogance.
It is hard if not impossible to fully wrap our heads around the outlandish behavior of a Narcissist or their psychopathic mindset so we really shouldn’t try to as it relates to and describes our experience with them – it is really just emotional/psychological abuse. We are normal people that love and possess empathy so we could NEVER understand the mind of this creature – we just can’t! Narcissists believe the truth they create at the moment they need it to provide them with new opportunities – there is no rhyme or reason to it. I believe they even have their own language and it is delusional at its basis and only ‘doubletalk’ to meet their agenda to extort other people’s lives. Every word, phrase or statement of the Narcissist’s so-called “truth” is only said in the moment or momentary and always contingent upon their immediate gratification and convenience. All their efforts, no matter what only represent an investment designed to satisfy the Narcissist’s immediate wishes and desires. Their feelings are shallow, so is the value of their ‘truth’s’ that they are always waving in our face.
After we are healthy we must force closure on our own and realize that it is a failed relationship that we could never even remotely come near to fixing. We can’t get into their delusions and apply them to ‘us being with them’ or figuring them out. Our energy needs to be turned around and poured into us and FULL TIME! So again, with all of this in mind it most certainly sends a strong and viable message that EVERYTHING was one big lie. So we have to stop traveling back to the past to re-think any of our personal thoughts about ‘why’ over and over again. It is futile to believe anything but the reality that they used and abused us and even tried to destroy us to cover up the truth. YOU are the important and amazing person here. YOU were the strong one here because the Narcissist could no longer lie, manipulate or betray you because your true self – the one that loves and is FULL of empathy – scared them off and they went running throwing more lies your way and smearing your name and integrity to avoid being exposed. Your real spirit as vulnerable as it was still shined through and saved your life! You defeated this abuser and made them face the truth about who and what they are – remember that! No/minimal contact always! Greg