ANY relationship with a Narcissist is a Dead End!

 

From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist

 

Narcissists use an arsenal of tools to debase, dehumanize and eventually destroy a person’s self-esteem, and overall spirit, this is emotional and psychological abuse pure and simple and they are ABUSERS. We have all heard this many times over, and it is a fact that these words are 100% true – BUT beyond this truth is the reality that there are many targets/victims that have to deal with the destruction caused by a malignant Narcissist. These targets/victims are not just wives, husbands, partners, but also biological children, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, co-workers and any other human being in every walk of life!

 

A Narcissist will employ cleverly hidden emotional blackmail, mental abuse and shrewd manipulative linguistic or language patterns to CONTROL people around them and force them to question their own sanity. Narcissists will also smear their target/victim’s good nature/name behind their back destroying their integrity to others (friends, family, co-workers) so they will also start questioning the sanity of the target/victim. It is like a game of “power and control” through the use of these various methods so that the Narcissist is always in charge of their environment and controlling every aspect of it with lies, false appearances, conning people, etc. Narcissists have everybody around them fooled by their charm that hides their true pathological self – they even fooled their target/victim with their “love bombing” and extreme charm. They just use “crazy and chaotic” diversions that deflect us away from the truth about them so they can get away with everything and anything?

 

 

Their agenda ALWAYS includes manipulating/punishing the target/victim into believing that anything bad or wrong they have been questioning concerning the Narcissist was all their imagination and basically we are confused, have issues, jealous or paranoid and this is why they have to get away from us. We stress them out AND they are concerned how we are showing signs or issues around our INABILITY to see reality as it concerns them being saintly, moral, good, or basically perfect. Remember it is the Narcissist re-writing history and lying behind that mask, so beyond the pathological and cowardly aspect of that betrayal process, the Narcissist wants to get the most out of their manipulation skills by trying to make us believe we DO HAVE ISSUES around our own mental stability too. It is all for their “cause” that protects their disordered and out-of-control lifestyle they live and the one we basically SUPPORT while we are still in this cycle of debilitating abuse as their present source of supply!

 

How does a simple question concerning accountability turn into a target/victim being told they are mentally ill, obsessed, confused, lying, jealous, etc.? Because we uncovered the truth about something or other and that exposes the Narcissist as the disordered and pathological creature they are and they HAVE to protect themselves from how disordered their life is. It seriously wounds them when they are exposed even in the SLIGHTEST manner and they will RAGE or lash out to defend themselves as well as continually manipulate us AWAY from the truth about them – this is called deflection. It would cause them great damage both personally as well as describe them as the deviant of society they are. Again, do they know this? They must because they go through great pain (usually our pain) to cover up the truth and turn the blame back onto us as if we are the abusers.

 

Beneath that thin mask the Narcissist wears is the reality of their pathological self PLUS their WHOLE past of victims/targets that they have abused and a raging temper that is like a volcano that can erupt at any given moment. YES they are aware of their actions because they use lie after lie to cover up their abuse. Like a child that stole a piece of candy and lies about it to avoid being punished so does the Narcissist at a monumental level. Remember their past is always following them and should they ever stop for a moment it will catch up to them as well as completely consume them because they are abusers that have damaged many people’s lives, even their own family. When the going gets tough the Narcissist gets going, so they are off and running to new supply ALWAYS surrounding themselves with a protective circle of new targets/victims, NEW LIES, as well as a new and WONDEROUS life to shore up their disordered lifestyle once AGAIN. This equation ALWAYS includes the demise/destruction of the previous source of supply and the “believers” that support the delusional Narcissist! Thus the cycle of abuse – they are emotionally and psychologically abusive vagabonds always looking for the next target/victim.

 

A Narcissist will also create vivid situations where they start a conversation off with an agenda in mind or one to create a smokescreen or diversion of some sort. They confuse the target/victim with chaos to perhaps divert a situation into an argument to be able to sneak out and secure some supply they acquired on the side, or just to debase a target/victim and keep them walking on eggshells or to cause constant anxiety to keep us CONDITIONED and a slave to their pathology. This is like being a POW or prisoner of war to the Narcissist, torture and all! This is what they do because what lives inside of them is such a disordered personality that if we were to even have a small glimpse of what they really are I believe we would be shocked even more by the reality of ALL OF THE TRUTH. I learned this about my Narcissist through talking to their friends and family and I never imagined that there was even more than what I experienced but there was/is, and the truth was beyond a capacity for me to understand. We see the tip of the iceberg and what is hidden beneath the water is monumental in size and so destructive to many people, especially IF THE TRUTH WOULD GET OUT!

 

One more thing to the “NAY SAYERS” that always ask why you couldn’t see this happening. I always go to this explanation about how a normal person tries to rationalize the crazy making or pathological nature of a Narcissist in a NORMAL way. On a paranormal show I watch sometime they often explain HOW we rationalize a ghost we may see in a window. That window may be reflecting some sort of image, be it the clouds passing by, a tree moving in the wind, or sunshine dappling through the trees. Our mind takes us to a place where we try to make sense of the reflected image in that window and like playing a game of connecting the dots our mind conjures up an image that makes sense – or simply when we look up at the clouds and see an image like a bunny, dog, etc. The point is we are normal human beings that rationalize situations. With this in mind it is the same concept when we try to form some sort of logic along the lines of what the Narcissist communicates to us and especially because they charmed us into this relationship with that amazing and saintly façade – that is what we are reaching back for or that cohesive relationship (the one we believed in from all of the love bombing) we once had with them. Basically they employ lies and manipulation into every aspect of communication as it concerns us, so we draw upon that same imaging to TRY to rationalize or make sense WHERE THERE IS NO SENSE with a Narcissist! We get caught up in this conundrum too often and end up enabling the Narcissist by giving them the benefit of the doubt because of our empathy and unconditional love, NO MATTER HOW OUTLANDISH they are. Our intuition should always be our guide with them, if it quacks like a duck it is more than likely a duck. They are a DEAD END period. No/minimal contact always! Greg

Posted on April 20, 2016, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. I have just come across all your information Greg. It is brilliant. I too got sucked into this utter turmoil when vulnerable and I am by no means a stupid girl. I was not attracted to him but the lies pulled me in and bang before I knew it I wanted him but I caught him out many times. I saw rage and no contact for periods. He use to say I was clever… I had no idea what he was on about but he said it was nothing to do with my education. I do know now though, clever because I knew something was not right and was looking for answers. He told me no more searching on the internet and not to fall out with my best friend over him. What!! He was a manipulator and he knows what he’s doing. He has a shark tattoo on his left upper arm. Now I know why… he is a predator after our soul. I thought I was going insane and the false self that took hold of me I believed was actually the real me. It got to the point that I had my suicide pact in place and wanted him at my funeral. I loved him down to his actual name. The strange thing was is that I ended it and he has tried a couple of times to hoover and he even had another woman with him once. It did not bother me but I wanted to protect her from the monster. I did not do anything as my heart said no but my head said yes. Thankfully I totally withdrew and it has taken me the same amount of time I knew him (well thought I did) to recover. I am free now but he is still lurking around but I have no place for him in my life anymore. He knows I know his game and I won’t dance anymore because when I told him he a narcassist and sent him a pic of all the things they do he blocked me immediately (be careful though doing this). I ignored things he did and wanted to help him get better. The only person you can help is yourself. Put your energy into you and oh my goodness after the trauma you will realise what a beautiful person you are. I never cried at all when I left him and have not since but I cried plenty with him. It is very hard, but you must remember this is ABUSE and you did not warrant it in anyway. Put it this way what that man did to you was reflect you back to you and you loved it so now you see if you are like me you never really loved yourself truly and yes I have past trauma that I never even knew was making me susceptible to abusers. That person you loved was you… so now look in the mirror and see the real reflection.. that bundle of love looking back at you and smile. You are in charge of you and only you can be so I wish you recovery into a life that is nothing short of amazing. Healing wishes. X

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  2. I have come to the conclusion about my situation, that I will have to leave this Earth to be at peace. I am disabled, penniless, friendless, and may well soon be homeless as well. I have no family, save 2 disabled elderly parents, who have tried to do everything in their power to help me. I have been on an endless wheel attempting to seek assistance; I’ve filed for disability, I’ve been through numerous women’s outreach & charity programs, my family physician, etc etc. What I’ve finally got through to my mind, is that no one really cares what I’m going through. The counselors I have managed to speak with, all give me the same answers to my problems: that I will have to leave the house with nothing but the shirt on my back, & find my own way to survive in this world. They tell me that unless I do so, things must not be that bad at home. I have been robbed of everything & mentally tortured for over 20 years now, & unless I am being directly physically assaulted, there is no help coming. I will wait until my parents are gone, as I feel I owe them at least that. Then I will find my own exit. I have run out of options, & have no more energy left to fight anymore. I will leave your readers with this: Don’t any of you, for even one second, hesitate to surgically remove the malignant tumor that these people are. They will gladly suck every last drop of blood from you, & tell other people lies over your lifeless corpse. Leave, run, hide, & never look back. Peace be with you all.

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  3. My relationship with an NPD personality, Danni Askini, has left me at the brink of committing suicide. To make matters worse, she is running for office in Seattle now!

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  4. You are MORE HELPFUL than any of my shrinks over the years! Thank you hardly suffices for the clarification and precision of your analysis and explaining the complicated process as survivors of the narcissistic predators.

    Your amazing articles promote healing as well as healthy epiphanies. I am so grateful to you.

    Liked by 1 person

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