ANY relationship with a Narcissist is a Dead End!
From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist
Narcissists use an arsenal of tools to debase, dehumanize and eventually destroy a person’s self-esteem, and overall spirit, this is emotional and psychological abuse pure and simple and they are ABUSERS. We have all heard this many times over, and it is a fact that these words are 100% true – BUT beyond this truth is the reality that there are many targets/victims that have to deal with the destruction caused by a malignant Narcissist. These targets/victims are not just wives, husbands, partners, but also biological children, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, co-workers and any other human being in every walk of life!
A Narcissist will employ cleverly hidden emotional blackmail, mental abuse and shrewd manipulative linguistic or language patterns to CONTROL people around them and force them to question their own sanity. Narcissists will also smear their target/victim’s good nature/name behind their back destroying their integrity to others (friends, family, co-workers) so they will also start questioning the sanity of the target/victim. It is like a game of “power and control” through the use of these various methods so that the Narcissist is always in charge of their environment and controlling every aspect of it with lies, false appearances, conning people, etc. Narcissists have everybody around them fooled by their charm that hides their true pathological self – they even fooled their target/victim with their “love bombing” and extreme charm. They just use “crazy and chaotic” diversions that deflect us away from the truth about them so they can get away with everything and anything?
Their agenda ALWAYS includes manipulating/punishing the target/victim into believing that anything bad or wrong they have been questioning concerning the Narcissist was all their imagination and basically we are confused, have issues, jealous or paranoid and this is why they have to get away from us. We stress them out AND they are concerned how we are showing signs or issues around our INABILITY to see reality as it concerns them being saintly, moral, good, or basically perfect. Remember it is the Narcissist re-writing history and lying behind that mask, so beyond the pathological and cowardly aspect of that betrayal process, the Narcissist wants to get the most out of their manipulation skills by trying to make us believe we DO HAVE ISSUES around our own mental stability too. It is all for their “cause” that protects their disordered and out-of-control lifestyle they live and the one we basically SUPPORT while we are still in this cycle of debilitating abuse as their present source of supply!
How does a simple question concerning accountability turn into a target/victim being told they are mentally ill, obsessed, confused, lying, jealous, etc.? Because we uncovered the truth about something or other and that exposes the Narcissist as the disordered and pathological creature they are and they HAVE to protect themselves from how disordered their life is. It seriously wounds them when they are exposed even in the SLIGHTEST manner and they will RAGE or lash out to defend themselves as well as continually manipulate us AWAY from the truth about them – this is called deflection. It would cause them great damage both personally as well as describe them as the deviant of society they are. Again, do they know this? They must because they go through great pain (usually our pain) to cover up the truth and turn the blame back onto us as if we are the abusers.
Beneath that thin mask the Narcissist wears is the reality of their pathological self PLUS their WHOLE past of victims/targets that they have abused and a raging temper that is like a volcano that can erupt at any given moment. YES they are aware of their actions because they use lie after lie to cover up their abuse. Like a child that stole a piece of candy and lies about it to avoid being punished so does the Narcissist at a monumental level. Remember their past is always following them and should they ever stop for a moment it will catch up to them as well as completely consume them because they are abusers that have damaged many people’s lives, even their own family. When the going gets tough the Narcissist gets going, so they are off and running to new supply ALWAYS surrounding themselves with a protective circle of new targets/victims, NEW LIES, as well as a new and WONDEROUS life to shore up their disordered lifestyle once AGAIN. This equation ALWAYS includes the demise/destruction of the previous source of supply and the “believers” that support the delusional Narcissist! Thus the cycle of abuse – they are emotionally and psychologically abusive vagabonds always looking for the next target/victim.
A Narcissist will also create vivid situations where they start a conversation off with an agenda in mind or one to create a smokescreen or diversion of some sort. They confuse the target/victim with chaos to perhaps divert a situation into an argument to be able to sneak out and secure some supply they acquired on the side, or just to debase a target/victim and keep them walking on eggshells or to cause constant anxiety to keep us CONDITIONED and a slave to their pathology. This is like being a POW or prisoner of war to the Narcissist, torture and all! This is what they do because what lives inside of them is such a disordered personality that if we were to even have a small glimpse of what they really are I believe we would be shocked even more by the reality of ALL OF THE TRUTH. I learned this about my Narcissist through talking to their friends and family and I never imagined that there was even more than what I experienced but there was/is, and the truth was beyond a capacity for me to understand. We see the tip of the iceberg and what is hidden beneath the water is monumental in size and so destructive to many people, especially IF THE TRUTH WOULD GET OUT!
One more thing to the “NAY SAYERS” that always ask why you couldn’t see this happening. I always go to this explanation about how a normal person tries to rationalize the crazy making or pathological nature of a Narcissist in a NORMAL way. On a paranormal show I watch sometime they often explain HOW we rationalize a ghost we may see in a window. That window may be reflecting some sort of image, be it the clouds passing by, a tree moving in the wind, or sunshine dappling through the trees. Our mind takes us to a place where we try to make sense of the reflected image in that window and like playing a game of connecting the dots our mind conjures up an image that makes sense – or simply when we look up at the clouds and see an image like a bunny, dog, etc. The point is we are normal human beings that rationalize situations. With this in mind it is the same concept when we try to form some sort of logic along the lines of what the Narcissist communicates to us and especially because they charmed us into this relationship with that amazing and saintly façade – that is what we are reaching back for or that cohesive relationship (the one we believed in from all of the love bombing) we once had with them. Basically they employ lies and manipulation into every aspect of communication as it concerns us, so we draw upon that same imaging to TRY to rationalize or make sense WHERE THERE IS NO SENSE with a Narcissist! We get caught up in this conundrum too often and end up enabling the Narcissist by giving them the benefit of the doubt because of our empathy and unconditional love, NO MATTER HOW OUTLANDISH they are. Our intuition should always be our guide with them, if it quacks like a duck it is more than likely a duck. They are a DEAD END period. No/minimal contact always! Greg