Divide, conquer, disable, and destroy – CRAZY MAKING!
From MY Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist.
Narcissists are “crazy-makers” and they thrive on negative and debilitating drama through the manipulation of real facts (mostly from all the personal information they have gathered from knowing us) with lies, triangulating, backstabbing, betrayal, etc. This is all to support the crazy-maker’s agenda to divide and conquer, harm and disable, and essentially destroy people and situations. This is their mechanism to divert reality on a ‘one to one’ (personal level) and within the very groups (organizations) of people they interact with. Wherever and whenever Narcissists are present most people have to constantly walk on eggshells and they feel an impending sense of doom from the Narcissist’s presence. Most EVERY situation can be part of their agenda to support and create their drama – wherever a Narcissist is present there will be trouble and destruction. BUT they are stealth operators and can camouflage their crazy making in a manner that it never seems to originate from them as adversity. It is always a care or concern and they are just mentioning something in a manner perhaps to ‘help out’ but it is purely steered and driven by the Narcissist as a destructive agenda to gain control over every situation in life!
A crazy-maker is someone who makes you feel crazy by constantly stirring up trouble and causing a negative outcome from their involvement and presence in any given situation. ‘Normal’ doesn’t serve a Narcissist and their need for power and control, but CHAOS and ‘crazy making’ does! They are always the problem, but nothing is ever their fault.
They cannot sit down and experience a normal or real moment, a memory, or a connection to real happiness within themselves or reflect about their life because there is nothing there to reflect upon, only envy of real life and people AND what they can’t achieve. Their inner world is angry, dark and lacks complete empathy. They don’t have any internal mechanisms to love or care about anybody so instead they feed their eternal neediness and pathological nature through extreme manipulation to fill the void. They create chaos and destruction with their abusive words and actions to make others feel their emptiness as if to pay for their misery and disconnection from real happiness and life. They imitate our reality to draw us into their life and then into their personal misery by abusing what they can’t ever achieve or our goodness and ability to love.
If they can successfully harm our good intentions and mock or deny our real empathy it allows them to deny and justify their own destructive nature and world by making us assume their misery and darkness – this is projection. Misery loves company as they say and a Narcissist needs to prove to themselves that everyone else is the miserable and the destructive creature that they are through delusional deception and destruction. They use us like a filter to diffuse their negativity and assume our goodness, empathy and love as their own. They wear us like a disguise to walk among the good people to constantly find more and more supply to harvest. Without a mask (false) of real empathy and love, their darkness would expose them and people would avoid every aspect of their being! They take something from every person they abuse and add it to their disguise to con the next person because happiness, goodness, empathy, caring, sympathy, love, etc., is not natural to the Narcissist! Over time they have acquired enough of our traits to fit right into a normal life. They have perfected their craft or ability to camouflage their damaged self. Remember they have been doing this all of their life by disassembling their reality and recreating it with a shiny new and constantly changing one to fit into every situation to serve their endless needs and feed their empty ego!
They jump from relationship to relationship to create or re-create the security of another family they can never have and in time they will abandon them too. The pattern is to secure a new person to have constant supply available, morph into this person’s world with the pretense of love, but they become bored with the situation because they are UNABLE to have a real relationship built on anything other than their self-centered needs. So to justify their abstract life, they deny any fault as being their own because they lack all empathy so they blame, devalue, dehumanize, destroy and discard and then move on and REPEAT this cycle with someone new and put the blame squarely on their last victim. They never assume any responsibility that they HAD love and a real family BUT destroyed it to support their out-of-control world and perverse actions. If you were able to look at their past life in a chronological order you would only see destroyed people and relationships that were all cycled into the same abuse and repeated over and over again, and it would stretch back over their entire life, but it is NEVER them with the problem but instead always us!
They create scenarios to discover your weakness or fears, and store them away to manipulate you later. They don’t use language as communication, it is for hiding, deflecting, avoiding, masking, & manipulating because their charm is completely false and only a trap to lure you in. They take pride in their own righteousness and rightness. They attempt to belittle any version of reality that conflicts with theirs. They NEVER believe they make mistakes even when the proof is right there in front of them. They have an innate inability to feel, process or truly understand shame from the negative and hurtful things they do to others – they can only blame and apply fault to everybody else. Contradict them a few times and you will feel their out of control Narcissistic rage.
Their conversations and interactions aren’t meant to enlighten, but to confuse, divert, control, and consistently create drama. They are a huge VOID, working to get whatever they can from you so basically they extort life and lives. They expect you to lend a listening ear and give them complete approval. They use emotional withdraw and silencing to create guilt, compliance and control. They will betray personal information and secrets to feel more powerful. They will manipulate and use flattery or protests of their innocence (crying, pleading, and begging) like a stealth weapon to achieve their agenda and get their way. They will use verbal skills to block or deflect accountability for their perverse and out-of-control lifestyle and shift blame onto YOU – CRAZY MAKING in a nutshell. They impact lives negatively but miraculously escape exposure even appearing to have some positive effect and you end up the negative aspect of the relationship with them. They then just dump you in a heap with the rest of people they have conned into their world. No/minimal contact ALWAYS! Greg