The Narcissist’s world is a unique world designed JUST FOR THEM by them.
From MY Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist.
The manner in which a Narcissist acquires and seeks out supply requires excitement, chaos, and drama because their world is ONLY comprised of external stimulation or needs. The excitement and drama generated must be truly unique, ground breaking, breathtaking, overwhelming, unprecedented, and, under no circumstances, routine to the Narcissist. The chaos and damage they create is the natural consequence of the Narcissist’s disordered lifestyle and need to constantly seek out newer supply so their world lacks consistency and stability. It has to be AMAZING so that the Narcissist constantly feels special, meaningful and significant! But it is NEVER enough because the Narcissist becomes bored easily and is continually seeking out more excitement because without the ability to love or bond with another human being they naturally move on – AGAIN – they DO NOT have the ability to draw on internalized feelings, emotions, bonding or love and their world is one huge façade of lies!
The processes the Narcissist utilizes to obtain, preserve, and accumulate supply is just an imaginary environment, and a comfort zone they NEED to feel real and purely invented by the Narcissist. It has clear geographical and physical boundaries and the Narcissist keeps complete inventory of people, places and events. The Narcissist assigns what each and every person’s role is and he/she keeps everyone isolated from each other so nobody becomes all the wiser to his/her lies and make believe world. The Narcissist compartmentalizes everybody by virtue of the needs that the Narcissist assigns! But no one person is EVER enough because the Narcissist becomes bored easily and is continually seeking out more excitement – AGAIN, and I know I keep repeating this – because without the ability to love or bond with another human being they have to keep getting a newer fix wherever they can.
The Narcissist strives to maximize the amount of Narcissistic Supply that he/she can obtain from the people within his/her environment. The Narcissist MUST seek out and have total admiration, adoration, approval, and applause at all times and that requires many different sources and levels of attention. The Narcissist will step it up to even fabricate fame and notoriety with outrageous lies of achievement. None of it is real, it is all contrived and imagined – a concocted and forced “uniqueness”.
The Narcissist makes an investment based on people whose role is designed to applaud, admire, adore, approve and attend to the Narcissist’s every need (serve them). Extracting this Narcissistic Supply from them calls for emotional and cognitive investments from supply to lock them in. In turn it provides the Narcissist stability, perseverance, long-term presence, attachment, forced collaboration, unreal emotional agility (Narcissist fakes this), and people skills and so on and so forth that they lack in reality – it makes them seem real to us and our world and that is what makes them seem to fit in. Unfortunately nobody can be held to the Narcissists rigid standards and we all fall short of their expectations and graces far too easily. We can’t live life as a statue for the Narcissist to adorn his/her façade, because we live, breath and think as an individual human being in a world where OUR connections, interactions, emotions, and feelings must be real. Once we show individualism (having needs) the trouble begins because the Narcissist loses their control over us and the devaluation or bullying begins.
In all honesty a Narcissist only has the mentality of a playground bully where they incorporate other kids that are weaker and smaller than them with threats to join in on their imaginary games or else. There will always be someone that asserts their individuality in the playground and that Narcissist will gang up on and harm whomever with the help of their little gang. Be assured you will be run off of that playground just for being you and not buying into the Narcissistic bullying, dysfunction and games. You may even get the Narcissist’s Mommy knocking at your door and really get in trouble.
But, no matter how big a lie or how big a fit the Narcissist throws if you allow it you are enabling the Narcissist’s lies/facade and that is a huge mistake no matter what the cost is to you otherwise. It facilitates the Narcissist’s delusions, and it gives them a power rush and CONTROL. Thus the Narcissists is cramming his/her delusion through insults to your intelligence and well-being. You are spoiling that Narcissistic brat/bully and allowing the monster to only grow and take over completely. Unfortunately people make this mistake because of the Narcissists GOOD qualities that preempted the appearance of this raging bully. We believe we can change them or fix the problems because we saw goodness in them and still believe in them. This is what the Narcissist wants us to believe and that is all part of their façade.
So we are merely objects in their make believe world to entertain them and provide supply. We are substitutes or surrogates for them to have a real life, a real vocation or actual achievements. We displace the emotional rewards of intimacy for the Narcissist with whatever role we were designed for. The Narcissist’s permanent existence in fantasyland is based on us and intended to shield him/her from the real self-destructive urges that they act on. They do for a fact act on every urge they have but it is in direct opposition to what they make us believe is real about them and that is where our conflict begins, that and holding them accountable for the lies and promises. Our role is to accept the lies and promises, to believe this was love no matter what, and the ‘what’ is horrendous abuse. It is always a growing disappointment and disillusionment for us because we get caught up in the Narcissists delusions of grandeur and reality, and it is really ugly for us when we experience the complete cycle of their abuse. The ONLY way out is with no/minimal contact! Greg