Narcissists intentionally create chaos to debase people!


From MY Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist.


Once they win us over with their charm and HAVING so much in common with us THEN we will start to see the many roads they take to manipulate us, extort us, lie, dehumanize us, deflect to avoid accountability, and everything else to support their big lie. That is the natural course with a Narcissist or what we call the devaluation stage. EVERYONE will be devalued by the Narcissist and discarded. So I am going to jump to some of the ways that they do this when the honeymoon phase is over.


Most every conversation you have with them seems to leave you confused and drained. You will be left with the burden of trying to figure out what they have said or basically what the heck just happened. It is like a hit and run accident and you are just left in shock trying to gain a foothold of the incident. A basic conversation can go from zero to a hundred miles per hour and in a direction that puts you in the path of an unavoidable crash, AND you weren’t able to control the direction you were headed in. You ask yourself how did this all start and what led up to it? You will end up spending hours, or perhaps even days, obsessing over the intent of the message or argument. You exhaust all of your emotional energy to accomplish absolutely nothing – it was pre-planned to be this way by the Narcissist. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to it, but there is as far as it concerns the Narcissist that is controlling you.


Everything they have absorbed or learned about you is now being utilized in a manner to push certain buttons to keep you controlled and under their thumb. They already know how to charm you because they know your likes BUT they also know how to HARM you because they also know your weaknesses and insecurities! The connection with them is built around your very persona and how they can and will manipulate it to control you. There is no you in any of this and there is never a real person behind the Narcissist. Narcissists like psychopaths are always going to pull you in a direction that makes you feel very small AND defective. This is the rhyme to their reason and again that is control!


So what about these ridiculous and crazy arguments, etc. You could have NEVER kept up with the original conversation (or argument) in a realistic manner because it was basically nonsensical in your mind and had no real basis of reality. But it served a purpose as far as the Narcissist is concerned to deflect from something or the other, or there was an agenda to it, or to demean and dehumanize you – control, control, CONTROL. BUT it served its purpose because it confounded or confused you and forced you to process the CRAZY information with no real success. You will have many rebuttals going on in your head AFTER THE FACT because you feel a need to defend yourself or rationalize what happened. Basically you are trying to fix the situation, but was it an argument because you really didn’t do anything but yet you feel like you did something, BUT WHAT IS IT YOU DID??


BAM, this is exactly the place a Narcissist wants you to go to – total confusion and insanity. They have drawn from the vast wealth of knowledge they have gained from observing you and use it consistently to maneuver you into a place of confusion and isolation. There are many reasons behind each of these scenarios, but they are basically to manage you down and to control you. However you will try to resolve this because you feel you need to address what happened and more than likely to defend yourself hoping for resolution but in the end you’ll find that you are the person always apologizing AND always trying to fix things. After a while these crazy arguments will have you stuck in the confusion so much so that you have lost all perspective of your relationship, as well as your value in the relationship. You are always responding to the Narcissist’s crazy making and never participating in a reciprocal or real relationship. You are being emotionally and psychologically abused! No/minimal contact is the ONLY way to start on the road to recovery by stopping all of the chaos to regain clarity and normality in your life! Greg


Posted on April 11, 2016, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. At 58 I have surrounded myself with Narcissists and didn’t even realize it. I got out of a relationship, went no contact with my mother. My 38 year old daughter is the one that has damaged me the most.
    For most of my adult years I worked and raised my family. I was the people pleaser, the go to for everything. Then tragedy hit, I lost my son in a car accident, everyone came out from the woodwork and I drank the KoolAid. I was weakend, my guard was down,. I was taken down emotionally, financially I had no spirit left. I was moving through everyday just going through the motions,.
    Everything you write about has happened, the smear campaigns, creating chaos with what matters most, what cut the deepest was the target,. How could anyone that calls themselves family most significantly my own daughter be so cold, so cruel. Your right even after I realized this about my daughter I was still emotionally invested. How do I walk away from being a mother.
    The latest was two weeks ago while I was in the hospital having my knee replacement. A sur.gery that has disabled me for ten years, my daughter manipulated and orchestrated the situation where she was driving me in my car to the hospital. As they wheeled me away to the operating room, shes taking pics and posting on Facebook as if she is the ever loving daughter, but in reality SHE STOLE MY CAR. She refused to bring it back to me. She got in to a car accident, nothing drastic, but denies this along with everything else she has done. She had the nerve to ask why I didn’t thank her for washing the car. ARE YOU KIDDING IS ALL I COULD SAY. Im supposed to thank you after you stole my car, and left me at the hospital with nothing.
    The stories like mine yes, they are different, yet it is all the same. These Narcs are sociopathic. I so desperately want to begin healing, and was making progress with other relationships, or so I thought. I finally see the emotional triggers and can acknowledge the insanity.
    I am fighting my way out of this and am so grateful for the information you have shared. I can only hope that what has gone on in our familys that is absolute abuse can be recognized more in the Psychology/Therapy field for what it really is. Most of us now have symptoms of CPTSD. I also believe that it is criminal. It is pure torture.
    I apologize for going on and on. I am so dizzy and off balance as the result. Again, this is not a significant other, had those to, but my own daughter. Any suggestions are appreciated and needed,


  2. I think these evil people need NAR LAIR branded across their forehead. 😉
    That would put a end to a lot of their B/S.


  3. OH my God that is so true! He just kicked the shit out of me for really no reason. All he wants to do is start imaginary shit with me and then says I’m calling the cops. He used to be one. I’m ready to go to jail for whatever because I have nowhere else to go. Keep letting people know to stay away from these people they are a cancer on our society.


  4. So true. I lost my pocketbook at a fashion show and it took about 10 minutes to find it while my ex waited in the car. I had left it in the ladies room and someone took it to the security booth. When I finally checked the booth the security guard did have it. I thanked him and walked away. When I got in the car with my ex he tried to make an accusation that me and the security guard had something going on or tried to have something going on. I was so confused that I screamed to the top of my lungs to tell him how stupid this sounded. We had not even been married that long and I am older so I kept thinking OMG I am married to a fool!! and how could I have made such a huge mistake.. Anyway its behind me now., He is an ex and no contact makes a huge difference. I feel like a weight is off my shoulders when he stopped attempting to contact me as well.. If at all possible like Greg said no contact is best. You might feel sorry for them but that wont help either you or them.. enjoy your life!


  5. Sarah Corrigan

    I have been reading this for a few weeks now, your writing has changed my life. Completely. I now understand why I am the way I am and even though my NPD Step Mum will never change and she’s turned my dad against me which hurts so much, the only way I can survive and heal is by no contact. My dad believed her about me. He raised me as a single parent and we were so close until I was 12 and she came and from then on, I was never able to speak to my dad directly. I left home at 18, did horrendous self harm to myself but didn’t know why, and I went back to her, because I thought I was the bad one and I needed her validation of me that never came. I had a nervous breakdown 2 years ago and she was so cruel and my father turned on me too. Now it’s ‘no contact’ and after decades of being her number one fan, groomed to praise her every move, and never ONCE my feelings being heard, I thought I was bad for even wanting to talk! So with no contact, finally at 45, I can move on and begin to heal. Your book explained it all. I will buy it too. Thank you so much Sarah



  6. What the heck just happened. I don’t know how many countless times I thought this only to shake my head, & say she jumped time again. And again for years and years.
    After reading these articles it seems all I can do is shake my head, & say why didn’t I see this coming. I’m not one to give up easy, but my hard head put my heart through hell. Are maybe my foolish heart put my mind though hell. I guess it matters not, after the fact.
    I closely guard them both now.
    Great articles on the bare bones truth…


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