From MY Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist.
Communication with a Narcissist is purely poisonous to all that come in contact with them!
The Narcissist has used their effective manipulative and cognitive skills by putting you on the defensive and using/distorting your personal conversations and thoughts against you to manage you down (devaluation phase) as well as to triangulate you with the personal information they have gained. They are so adept at utilizing everything they can just from knowing us. A conversation between two people, as it concerns support in any relationship isn’t a court of law where one person is the judge, jury and prison guard AND town gossip like a Narcissist is. A successful relationship requires healthy communication skills and even healthy disagreements. Healthy communication skills require sane and healthy cognitive thinking from both parties. There is nothing healthy or sane about a disordered and abusive Narcissist.
In any type of relationship when communication and thoughts are not nurtured in a process to validate another person, all areas of the relationship are affected and it is more apt to be described as ‘control.’ Communication is the open door that allows two people to exchange cognitive and personal thoughts, to enable growth. We are independent beings that have purpose and we exchange our thoughts normally by accepting our relative differences. The Narcissist manipulates in such a way to cause false interpretations of all of our cognitive processes to distort reality and make them fail and become disabled – EVEN when they manipulate us into believing they love us. When we are manipulated in this manner it affects and disables all of those important skills that we use on a daily basis. It is like we lose our motivation to be effective with simple matters in our personal life or even block our ability to concentrate and learn because we were manipulated in a manner to constantly question ourselves from someone we BELIEVED we could trust and more than likely someone we loved. This is betrayal in the most extreme manner and describes just how disordered a Narcissist is to use our love to create and administer their hate and destruction – AND WHY? Our mind is linked to so many internal processes, and when it is psychologically wounded, other areas will also be affected just like a disease that will spread unless treated, even causing us physiological or physical damage to our health. It can take its toll and also cause long term problems linked to trauma.
It is strikingly similar to being a prisoner of war with brain-washing, gas-lighting, extreme manipulation of facts, or psychological terrorism. Some of those areas that become affected are cognitive functionality like our attention span, our day to day memory, how we process things in our daily life, our long/short term memory, how we see and hear things AND our logic and reasoning abilities. AGAIN this is basically brain-washing in an effort to slowly but methodically break us down and render us useless as an independent thinking and speaking person. Narcissist do not allow individuality because they are cruel dictators that must completely captivate and control their target audience. This is what describes the abuse, and this is what is damaging to the target/victim’s well-being as far as it concerns the psychological abuse that is imposed on you/us. The most striking aspect of this is that it is dealt to us in a slow and insidious manner like being around a slowly leaking and poisonous gas that has no apparent smell so we don’t know the danger we are in because we take it in slowly and when we finally realize, the damage is already done and the effects can be long term.
Narcissists are dishonest, they give mixed signals, always running hot and cold. They triangulate everybody by playing people against one another to maintain control AND they avoid real commitment because it doesn’t exist in a world where there is no give and all take – they are life’s extortionists. There is never one real working relationship with anybody that DOESN’T include this abhorrent manipulation. We are all a means to an end with a Narcissist and that is extracting their supply and destroying people!
Lastly it is amazing how much abuse and suffering targets/victims tolerate. Even when it is obvious to friends and family, the victim may continue to defend and protect the Narcissist which only compounds the problem. This is the power of their (Narcissist) mind control. Narcissists are expert manipulators and use a combination of fear and guilt to control their sources of Narcissistic supply.
The effects of these techniques persist even after the Narcissist has left the relationship. In fact, the influence of their mind control can last for years. A Narcissist will frequently contact a previous target/victim and the target/victim will happily start up the relationship again, thinking that this time will be different, because the Narcissist has promised this but they will only step up the game to trick you and drag you back into the abuse!
The Narcissist returns only because they are just looking for a quick and easy ‘fix’ of Narcissistic supply because they know they already have you locked into their abusive mind games because you are there and re-connecting with them AGAIN. THEY will disappear just as easily as they came back. ALWAYS remember we can’t be or act civilized with a Narcissist by remaining on friendly terms. Never forget that Narcissists always have a needy and destructive agenda.
REMEMBER the Narcissist’s agenda! They always want something and that is Narcissistic Supply, be it help, support, money, sex, etc. They prepare the groundwork with their manipulation to acquire whatever those needs are. Also remember if they feel threatened by exposure they will want to neutralize the situation with their manipulative pleasantries or throwing you a little bone. They don’t want to be exposed as the abuser they are so they will keep you feeling near and dear to them until that ‘new supply’ is secured and they have destroyed your integrity to a point that YOU seem like the abuser AND crazy one. No/minimal contact ALWAYS! Greg ❤