From My Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist.
So here are some facts about what is spinning around in that Narcissists delusional reality!
They groom people through a manipulation cycle of charm and rage to sell their distorted reality and rationalizations to their targets/victims. Along the same lines Narcissists are extremely skilled at making anyone under their influence crave their approval (conditioning). A Narcissist will make you feel like you ALWAYS have to explain yourself constantly. They use a distorted form of judgment making you believe you are OK and then you are not OK and they use this just like a yoyo to keep you off balance and always blameworthy! They will pull the rug right from underneath you always to keep you down, confused and vulnerable! They jump into their defensive mode frequently! A Narcissist will make you feel special and then emotionally distance themselves from you in so many ways that keep you unsure of yourself. Virtually all of their ideas or the way they behave in any given situation are stolen from others, perhaps people they know and think of as superior – they have copycat personalities that they plug into to appear functional. Narcissists expect others to do mundane things, since they feel they are too important to do them – people are basically servants to them. They are blowhards, braggers, brow-beaters, bullies, big-headed, but totally bogus. They will very rarely talk about their inner life, memories and dreams, or emotions BECAUSE THEY HAVE NONE – but you will always hear them blame other for situations from their past gone wrong! Narcissists demand your trust rather than earning it. They see you as extensions of themselves and basically deny your individuality and freedom. They deny or fail to recognize people’s emotions and feelings. A Narcissist will respond with disproportionate rage to throw you off balance and divert your thoughts away from any conversation or actions that they disagree with or want to avoid. Basically they deny your individuality and in time will completely erase your personality so that you are ALWAYS put back in that place to serve your specific purpose as whatever form of supply you are to them. There is NO SUCH THING as accountability as it concerns anything about them!
So let’s just say that they ward off awareness of their extreme neediness by projecting most of it off and on to their target/victim. But it is a vicious cycle with them because their delusional existence constantly challenges them too and their illusions of their superiority – in other words there is never ANY consistency with them about anything they say or do because everything is impulsive in their facade. Normal people can’t coexist in this parasitic relationship, especially one where your individuality is denied, and you are consistently managed down to question your sanity. The Narcissist destroys every relationship because of their vast insecurities and need to win, feel superior, and control. It is a dysfunctional cycle where they take every person from idealization to devaluation, and finally discard to achieve their dose of life sustaining supply. They are like the lone wolf that lives a nomadic and isolated existence and only comes out to have their needs met. You have to understand that this Narcissist is nothing even near happy or full of the fake charm they exude. Their inner mind is so riddled with their insecurities and insatiable need for attention that it completely rules their world. They are stuck in this defensive mode and are constantly on the defensive because the slightest insult can send them into a major Narcissist injury!
All of this managing down is done in a manner to create a strong dependence on them (the Narcissist). They isolate you from the world and make you beg for their approval. They have to control their target/victims AND their immediate world to stay in control or else that mask would come flying off and reveal a monster behind it that is totally ‘out of control.’ They would be hauled off and locked away in a cage if they allowed their real inner and damaged reality to become apparent. They constantly protect it with an arsenal of tools ESPECIALLY in the public world, so most see them as only charming except for those that share a personal life with them. This is not a normal person by any means – all of this is what really lives inside of them but they ‘magically’ put it away and wrap themselves up in a NEW ‘magical’ façade that emanates real love so concisely that it is uncanny how they can know it so intimately let alone express it so concisely with what really resides inside of them! This is Narcissism 101 and the real truth about a Narcissist and the reason why they are so damaging to the psyche of good and real people that believe in them. No/minimal contact to end the madness and move onto to freedom and recovery! Greg ❤