When the Narcissist says “I love you!”

The Narcissist: I love you!

The truth and definition behind these three words: I am in my manipulative validation mode because I want you to BELIEVE that I love you so that you will trust me, become vulnerable, tell me secrets that I can use against you, and once I have gathered all the information I need I will use it to control you, hurt you, betray you in every way I can because I need more than just you. I will disable you, and EXTORT your love and life! I need you for what ‘you’ people call supply – then as my farewell I am going to hurt you more and probably destroy you so I can find the next person that I can use and abuse and get away with it all! It is as simple as this BUT it will be the worst thing you ever experience in your life but it gets me ‘WHAT I WANT.’ What happens to you through the process is just collateral damage and I don’t care because I am not wired that way – BUT I need what I need, and want what I want, so I go for it! I will project all on my darkness onto and into you as well. You will have to go through a long healing and recovery period after I am gone because I have really messed with your head and with those things you call emotions so have fun with that. I am pretty thorough with my methods so don’t try to mess with me. I have moved on to someone else long before you even knew it and I have many people that will say I am about as near perfect as a person can get. You just don’t get it that I don’t care, and until you do get this you will be stuck with me living on and on in your mind. Oh, and by the way I have waged a ‘smear campaign’ with behind your back and destroyed your integrity. So all those people around you like your friends, family, and co-workers think YOU are crazy and have abused me. It is your fault because you trusted me enough to share sensitive information and I used that against you. One last thing, feel free to contact me as much as you want and I will be glad to fool you more and pull you right back into the abuse!

Seriously this is what a Narcissist would say to us, but they don’t because it would give their game plan away and they would lose out in life! They are predators that have to live among us and with us, so they do this for a reason and that is to benefit from their manipulative actions and hide their abusive nature. They source people out to use or basically harvest what they can from people because they make themselves whole by stealing our life and love away from us because they just can’t survive without us. They are dysfunctional and need us as a component to be functional! They have the advantage because they come into our lives knowing the truth that we are only an object for them to use. They have been using and abusing people all of their lives and are seamless with their game to trap us into this abuse.

Our recovery depends on getting these creatures totally out of our lives and our minds by just accepting what they are. We can’t define ourselves through the actions of these creatures but we can understand what happened, and learn some things about ourselves that made us vulnerable, and move on for our own good. So that BURNING question that everybody asks: “Are Narcissists really aware of their behavior and do they know what they are doing is wrong?”

So to start a little comparison of normal versus the emotionally detached Narcissist! Most normal people don’t put too much thought into their everyday actions and behaviors or basically think about how you behave on a regular basis. This is because there is a moral code, or code of ethics, empathy, emotions, respect and so many other things that are part of a belief system that is in place and guides you (the normal person) through life. Basically this is what drives your behaviors throughout your life. The process also includes an accumulation of our ‘personality traits,’ emotional state, our self-esteem, and our past experiences that are definitely guided by a societal norm that includes morality, laws, doing the right thing, not hurting our fellow human being, etc., etc. Much of this depends upon our upbringing and basic life lessons too. There are times that we act and react and sometimes we get angry and say things that hurt people but we generally resolve these situations – after all we are human and can be hurt, but we also love, feel the pain of others, and many other things that make the human condition unique but good. Let’s just say we have a default setting that is internalized inside of us that keeps us on track.

NOW a Narcissist’s is biological like us and has general default settings in life too. Their default settings consist mostly of dysfunctional and negative emotions such as, anger, being aloof, smugness, frustration, boredom, obsession, addictions, envy and contempt of all people. All of this is born out of an extreme insecurity and lack of a real personality and seriously there are different theories that try to explain this but none of which point to the Narcissist wanting to get help or change. Because these feelings are part of the Narcissist’s everyday experience, their brain (like ours) creates neural pathways, so that when new stimuli (people) come into their world through their mind AND senses, their brain filters the information through these ingrained pathways (just like it does with our mind and senses.) The more we think a certain way, the stronger the neural pathway becomes. Again a Narcissist defaults to their negativity, insecurities, delusions and dysfunctional outlook to process life and people. From there they have created and perfected a facade in a very surface manner to attempt to fit in. So that to me is awareness that they know they are flawed and they have had to learn how to con people to be accepted in our world. BUT they can’t for long because their envy, dysfunction, and hate seeps out and they are totally out of control because they need ‘supply’ so badly.

So when your Narcissist is interpreting his/her environment, they are interpreting it through those filters. When you do something and the Narcissist reacts in a rage, it’s because that neural pathway that leads to anger is well traveled and the Narcissist is constantly interpreting other people’s interactions and intentions as negative and threatening to his/her sense of self. A Narcissist is obsessed with how others perceive them – it is all about protecting their image so lying is a tool and also as normal AND as important to them as breathing. But what goes hand in hand with this is that they do not see the world and people as anything but objects to serve a purpose or supply them with anything and everything they desire. They have shut down all NORMAL reality and replaced it with this self-created and magnanimous façade and use it like a marketing tool to ‘fit in’ and find their next AND next target/victim. BUT they also wear it like a suit of armor in battle to hide their many flaws and if they are made accountable they will attack the very thing they need to survive – people. Their façade is a double edged sword in reality and very flimsy.

ALL people are objectified to serve them because the Narcissist creates an image that is omnipotent and above the laws of mankind but they are very needy and dependent on us. The levels a Narcissist will stoop to achieve this is abusive and derelict. Their life is a huge lie that is wrapped up with a huge bow to look like it is an amazing gift to all man and womankind! They have to process a great deal to keep their dysfunction at bay and protect themselves from exposure always having to look over their shoulder because in time life WILL finally catch up with them and expose them with the truth of what they REALLY are. If they can get away once more they will try, they are very adept at escaping exposure and accountability with more lies. But age will also slow them down as well as KARMA and there will be nobody there for them to abuse for supply and that will destroy them. Let them meet their own future AND destiny.

Because the Narcissist needs to be admired and considered superior, any slight to them, real or imagined, will travel down the loathing and anger paved neural pathway and incite the Narcissist’s rage and fury and this makes them destructive and hateful creatures. Remember underneath the façade is a VERY insecure creature that protects its dark secrets with its life! So in this manner the Narcissist’s behavior has become their habitual way of thinking or pattern AND survival that is protected by that very flimsy mask or façade. They control their targets/victims in every imaginable manner they can to extort what they can and for as long as they can. This is just a natural function and not something the Narcissist thinks about consciously, NOR does the Narcissist care about any of their actions because everything they do is self-serving. All of the lies, manipulation, betrayal, emotional and psychological attacks, etc., are all part of this as well. The Narcissist is not thinking that he/she has overreacted or acted badly with any of their outrageous and negative behavior. The Narcissist is just always looking at how your behavior was offensive to them because in all of this delusional process they have to blame everyone else to achieve a functional cohesiveness in their own minds – again part of that façade to keep themselves from looking inward. Of course the Narcissist is dangerous because of their distorted and dysfunctional personality and disordered world, but this is how they are wired and that is not going to ever change. This also includes the ‘loving’ manipulation they use to hide their extreme flaws and insecurities that pulls or better yet seduces their targets/victims into their darkness. So are they aware – YES! They have to have some sort of cognitive awareness to carry out this well designed plan out and function in our world. They HAVE to have the same things we have but at a magnanimous level since they are an empty void, AND they need 24/7 attention or supply to feed that empty void.

A Narcissist’s life is totally filled with extreme anxiety and they need to alleviate this anxiety – this is what drives most if not all of their behavior. They are one huge walking contradiction with the same desires to have emotional security but they are cut off at the knees because they do not experience emotions, love or human bonding – that is the big contradiction. SO do they know and understand emotions – or use them to abuse? The bottom line is that they are a disaster in ANY relationship! They use humans to reap the benefits that they couldn’t achieve based on their REAL persona! BUT they also have a strong need to be DISTANT at the same time because they don’t fit into the ‘normal’ and the Narcissists knows this and defends themselves fiercely to protect their dark secrets. They do know how to go into battle and will drive you to the point of insanity to protect themselves. Chaos and crazy making are the other bombs they use when they devalue and dehumanize their targets/victims. They really need correctional adult supervision or a full time adult babysitter.

On top of all of this the Narcissist needs to rid themselves of their extreme anxiety through blaming and shaming everybody. Nothing is ever the Narcissist’s fault and they transfer everything onto a target/victim. They use their wild stories about how they are always a victim of a TERRIBLE relationship where they gave their all and had to “run for their lives.’ BUT check out their story closely as far as a timeframe and you will see that they ran right into the arms of another person immediately – nobody does that after ending a relationship. Their actions are purely self-centered and they are driven by these distorted survival techniques. Couple that with the fact that they are COMPLETELY out-of-control trying to always get their fix like an addict so they get always get caught.

The Narcissist derives their sense of self-worth from the people and things in his/her environment, the choices he/she makes and the things he/she does. All of this is created and achieved through the extreme manipulation used to seduce people into the Narcissist’s life that add more of the substance they need to reinforce their façade. Most if not ALL of the time the Narcissist isn’t thinking of anyone else because everything has to support the Narcissist’s survival and ‘game plan’ as well as juggling many sources of supply. The Narcissist has MANY façades to support and fulfill their needs, AND always a spare source of supply to fall back on. The Narcissist is always thinking, ‘how does this make me look,’ or “how does this benefit me!” and of course ‘what can I do to get to what I need.’ They are very adept at observing a potential target/victim and shape shifting to fit exactly or morph into their lifestyle with a well know clinical phrase called ‘love bombing,’ or the door that opens your heart and mind to their world.

Hurting (and destroying) you is ALWAYS the unfortunate repercussion that the Narcissist never even considers, nor does he/she even care that they destroy a person through their manipulation – it is more like a conditioned function. A prime example of this is the Narcissist’s lack of connection to their own biological children when they move on or better yet run away from a spouse or partner because they have been busted. So in these two respects the Narcissist is not totally aware of his/her behavior because they are not wired or they conditioned themselves not to care. BUT the Narcissist is conscious of the deception they use to get what they want, and know when they have to run, so again they just do not care as long as it supports their needs and they don’t look back because they can’t AND they HAVE to have newer supply to survive. So we can say that the Narcissist has basically conditioned themselves to be abusive to get what they want. Narcissists naturally devalue their targets/victims as well by their daily doses of managing them down. Do they know right from wrong? Well the Narcissist will outwardly lie to cover up their deception as well and that is a conscious defense mechanism of theirs and if that doesn’t work and they are threatened with accountability they will rage and apply blame to their target/victim to alleviate any and all responsibility being placed on them to the point of destruction. So in the end it is always your fault and the Narcissist defaults back to their grandiose self through the use of many different tools to avoid accountability and runs away from exposure. It SEEMS like a cognitive function in making these choices.

We all understand that if we want ‘something’ to happen we must do ‘something’ to achieve the desired result and so does the Narcissist. If you look at the manipulative aspect of a Narcissist, YES they are aware that they are manipulating you, just part of the covert operation to seduce you in. So you must believe that when they want something from you, they will tell you what you want hear, or do what they need to do to get what they want, knowing full well that he/she is lying, betraying, as well as the Narcissist has absolutely no intention of delivering on any promises that they made WITHIN the manipulation process. The Narcissist wants ABSOLUTELY everything on THEIR terms and they don’t concern themselves with how you will feel about it OR anything about YOU. You are ONE of MANY opportunities that the Narcissist uses to get everything that they want – but they are seamless with the seduction to get you to give into whatever it is they want and make you think you are their ‘one and only!’

Think about the distorted behavior of a drug addict. They will lie, steal, cheat, and manipulate to get their next fix. They most certainly know what they are doing is wrong, but they don’t care, because THEY NEED THAT NEW FIX. This ‘not caring’ has been going on so long that every time they find themselves in a moral conundrum, it gets easier and easier to justify their behavior. All they concern themselves with is getting their next hit or fix, regardless of the consequences to anyone else. The Narcissist in an amazingly similar fashion does EXACTLY the same thing AND all the Narcissist concerns themselves with is obtaining their much needed supply and this outweighs all other considerations.

Most people are guided by their conscience (and usually with a healthy and good conscience,) and stable/good people govern their actions based on real feelings, healthy morals, compassion and the ability to put themselves in another person’s shoes. But what happens when you don’t have any type of moral compass, or when you lack empathy? When none of that is present what is left? To answer this question you need to know exactly what you are dealing with and the level of their emotional impairment. In this instance and article we are dealing with an emotionally and psychologically abusive Narcissist that is dangerous to people and life in general!

A Narcissist does not have the availability of real emotions or empathy as it concerns people or the human condition/connection – people are only objects to the Narcissist. So if you’ve never experienced or KNOW empathy or good emotions before, how do you know they even exists? Because it doesn’t exist for the Narcissist, they tend to think that when you display or express emotion or empathy, your behavior is a put on and false. Your behavior is just as much of a mystery to them as the Narcissist’s behavior is to you – this is how deeply they delude themselves. The only big difference is that the Narcissist isn’t sitting around thinking about your behavior, he/she is only thinking about themselves. Often times the Narcissist is quite surprised that their behavior has offended you, because your reaction and how it would affect you, never even crossed their mind. Secondly they are not feeling any adverse reactions like you do to the ‘love loss’ because there is no love, no loss to them, no feelings, and again no emotions. The game just goes on with them. But then again how did they get to the point that they can make this comparison if they don’t know emotions or empathy? Again there is a cognitive process going on that drives their conscious mind.

So basically what this amounts to is falling in love (or loving depending upon the relationship) with a zombie that is always after your brain. BUT this zombie is manipulative, shrewd, seductive, and one big lie that will extort whatever they can get from you. This zombie is also very envious of life, angry to the point of rage always boiling at the surface and ready to attack at any real or perceived insult that threatens their fake mask of sanity. So you have a creature with out of control needs, a horrendous temper to protect their insanity toward people and life, a liar, manipulator, and thief, etc., all bundled up in a love story! It is an incredulous and hideous process to have dealt with one of these creatures.

So is a Narcissist aware of their behavior and that what they are doing is wrong? Yes and no. Some of their behaviors are so ingrained in their neural pathways that they’ve become habitual and they usually don’t give it much thought – BUT that doesn’t make it right OR they are unaware of what they do. But when a Narcissist is stalking prey and trying to get what he/she wants AND in the moment that Narcissist is aware of what they are doing. The Narcissist has perfected their attack and knows that they are misleading you, but they just don’t care.

All of us are able to rationalize and justify our actions to some degree, a Narcissist just does it on a grander and very delusional scale. Mainly because they are missing or completely void of integral emotional components that impairs their ability to consider the feelings of others. Because a Narcissist doesn’t consider how their actions will affect you, there isn’t really a right or wrong component included in their decision making process. Since your feelings were never even a tiny consideration to him/her, when the Narcissist hurts you they can easily absolve themselves of any wrong doing, because hurting you wasn’t something they necessarily intended to do, it was just part of the collateral damage to get what they wanted. If you are hurt that is your fault. I remember my Narcissist’s mother saying to me one time that ‘so and so’ (my Narcissist) would lie when they were a child if they did something that would hurt somebodies feelings, because the little Narcissist wanted to protect the feelings of others. No consideration of what the little Narcissist did that was very wrong that hurt the person (accountability,) but somehow there was goodness in lying to cover up the truth. I am sure my eyebrows were raised at the time! Now that the little Narcissist is all grown up and they do it on a magnanimous scale and destroy families. Trickledown effect?

The bottom line is, whether or not a Narcissist is aware their behavior is wrong is just irrelevant as it concerns us. The question you should be asking yourself is, ‘Why am I still involved with a person who displays this destructive Narcissistic behavior?’ ‘What am I getting out of this?’ AND most importantly ‘When am I getting out of this?’ When these ‘what’s and when’s’ appear in our vocabulary it is usually too late because at that point we realize that we have lived in a horrible battle zone called emotional and psychological abuse and the damage is done.

The emotionally unavailable behavior of a Narcissists quite clearly points to the fact that this is a relationship that is totally one-sided. The façade to cover up the Narcissist’s delusional and harmful aspects describes the reality of the destruction and damage they impart onto their targets/victims. They blow hot and cold in their relationships, they’re self-centered, they have an entitlement mentality and they don’t take responsibility for any of their actions AT ALL. They have a difficulty forming attachment bonds with others and tend to have huge emotional walls built because of their disorder that doesn’t allow any real bonding to occur. They can’t even form a real bond with their biological children and can dump them just as easy as anybody else! The Narcissist will fight you tooth and nail to escape from being exposed even if this means completely destroying your integrity and leaving a family behind.

Narcissists have a weak, fragile self-esteem and completely depend on others for validation and their sense of self-worth. Narcissists need to feed off of the admiration and esteem of others, like people need oxygen to breath and water to drink. Without it they withdraw and spiral into a deep depression this is why they form their longer term relationships to assure the availability of 24/7 supply. But they will sneak out and find more sources of supply when they have the opportunity to do so. This need makes them predator-like and willing to say and do whatever’s necessary to obtain another’s affections so they get what they want quickly and seamlessly.

When Narcissists do engage in long term relationships, the most prevalent thing that is missing is a sincere or REAL emotional bond. Many partners, targets/victims of Narcissists have said that they never really could get close to them and therefore never really knew them at all. I for one NEVER really knew my Narcissist at all! Narcissists are not nostalgic about any one person, place, or thing. Nothing seems to hold any deep sentimental value or emotional attachment for them. They compartmentalize everything and everyone as a source of supply, and can have many different supply sources going on at one time (different relationships.) Each source of supply gets their own personalized relationship with a Narcissist because they are so adept at shape shifting to fit exactly into a particular situation that benefits or serves them. They lie, manipulate, con and lack the ability to feel empathy or remorse so they do what they want without a conscience. They have poor impulse control and engage in high risk behavior all the time. Narcissists have a high sense of entitlement and a very smug demeanor of getting what they want and not caring. Their emotions are either nonexistent, or so far off the emotional chart that they don’t even resemble anything near the ‘real’ human connection.

In the end of my connection to the Narcissist I knew, I was totally in shock with the truth as it became apparent to me. I had believed that there was betrayal and lies, but I never knew the extent of this betrayal, and not only to me but to this Narcissist’s previous relationships that included a family and children. This Narcissist lacked morality so much so that if I were to rate it on a scale of 1 to 10 and 10 being an ethical and highly moral/good person, and 1 being low or next to no morals, my Narcissist would be in the minus thousands and more. My Narcissist was/is a derelict that wears an amazing mask, façade and armor. This Narcissist has literally destroyed many people with horrendous lies that I can’t even begin to wrap my head around as to why a person would act out in the manner this Narcissist does. There is so much dysfunction and chaos attached to this Narcissist’s past that virtually extends into every relationship, friendship, family connection, job, involvement in organizations – or basically EVERYTHING. If you would connect the dots in each of these situations there is such a strong pattern that is so apparent especially around derelict sexuality (betrayal) and how this Narcissist has attempted to destroy so many peoples integrity to escape accountability for their lifestyle. It is not in my realm to understand and I don’t want to understand because all I needed was the truth to close the door and I did just that. That is what we MUST do to move forward and heal.

So ask yourself what type of connection would you still want with a Narcissist? Do you want to be their savior and healer, or save yourself to be free again to love and heal from the damage inflicted onto and into you? Think about what you gave and what was given in return. Think about the dark shadows this Narcissist travels to get their fix from life and other human beings. With my Narcissist it was/is sex sites and a constant search for a fix with strangers betraying everybody and anybody, but then the next day this Narcissist will be preaching on a pulpit and hiding behind religion, morality, ethics, etc., and blaming and shaming people for what this Narcissist does and has done.

It is an awful perception and reality when you know you believed as you have been taught to believe in people and love and then find out that your mind was raped by one of these creatures AND they are out there raping someone else’s mind. BUT unfortunately you have to push this aside so that you can recover from this abuse completely or live out your life with the regret of being abused by a Narcissist. You can’t save their next target/victim because they are imprisoned by the same manipulation and abuse that you were. You also have to accept the fact that you MUST protect yourself from this creature pulling you back into the abuse, because once you have wounded them they have a new game plan to destroy whatever they can as it concerns you to avoid exposure. Luckily for me, my Narcissist knows that I know something that can be so completely devastating to their existence and like a coward my Narcissist ran off with only a few minions still praising and supporting this Narcissist – BUT still abusing newer targets and still trying to bury all of abuse inflicted on me and many others. I used my voice and allowed it to grow in a manner to share my experience and it has become very strong and it will keep growing as long as this abuse is still going on. This is their world and one we cannot share any part of, so please internalize this description and picture of what a Narcissist is and release yourself from any blame or shame and accept that they are disordered and not fully functioning human beings and unfortunately you fell into their trap. PLEASE go no/minimal contact and run for your life and never stop to turn around and look back! Forget about everything Narcissist and give yourself the self-compassion you need to heal and move forward!PhotoFunia Motivator Regular 2015-05-19 10 49 36 Greg

Posted on May 20, 2015, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 45 Comments.

  1. How did you recover from the abuse?

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  2. How did you recover from the abuse ?What is the fastest way/treatment

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  3. Absolutely excellent, comprehensive, article that really explains how a narcissist slithers thru life destroying people left and right. Thank you.

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  4. Wow this is my ex partner! He just destroyed his newest victim i only found out when she reached out…he got another supply pregnant while in a relationship with her and the pregnant supply who unfortunatly misscarried called him out to her and she ended the relationship… before this i felt the “is she better than me” “how is he happy with her and wasnt with me” feelings but now i realise he is still destroying these new victims and he will never stop. Since ending my abusive relationship 10 months ago he has moved to 3 different areas miles apart from eachother and has another 4 broken relationships and one was an engagement…..and me i had to move because of a heafty smear campaign but only 4 miles from where i was so im still close to my family….i have been piecing my life back together by trying to gain knowledge but a few months ago i was an absolute shell of my former self…couldnt eat, sleep, dress…i used to wear make up and do my hair every day but i lost that pride in myself i walked out my house without so much as brushing my hair i was so depressed i considered ending my life but i have children and i just couldnt do that to them…..i met someone and went on a few dates he was lovely but i still had alot of the emotional and mental scars to deal with not to mention when a door slammed i would jump out of my skin i was a constant bag of nerves so i wasnt yet ready for dating. I needed to read this as i am co parenting with one of these sick people and he at this moment is trying the whole I LOVE U and that will never change but what he doesnt know is i have done my homework and i know what he is and his i love yous mean just as much to me now as stepping in a pile of dog shit im on to him and my response is always i dont feel that way anymore (usually to any other person id say sorry at the start of this sentence) however im not sorry for not feeling that way anymore as i shouldnt feel sorry when it comes to him no one should…..head up…chin up….keep moving on…i never came this far to only come this far!

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  5. Thank You for this article. Thank You. The effect that dating a narcissist has had on my life has been the most devasting and painful emotional setback I have ever been through. I can’t properly express this type of abuse and it’s devasting effects to has on someone. We all deal with heartache from a variety of sad and tragic moments in our lives; death, divorce, injury etc. But this, this is beyond these moments. The recovery is long and difficult. Thank you for this article. It’s the most accurate picture of a narcissistic mind that I’ve read.

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  6. Absolutely spot on this article, I was swept away by a narsassist. This subject really entertain me as I have to read up on this as a way of closure. I will hold my hands up and express that I am a codependent person and my gosh he (these devil) must have loved me dancing with him.

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  7. Loved this it really opened my eyes I was /am a victim for me.

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  8. I cry reading this because I am currently exiting this individual. And even after he is out of the picture, I still have to defend my character and reputation to people that I thought were my friends, until he got a hold of them. It’s not fair and it hurts. We have a daughter together and I know he will not be there for her because it’s easy for him to walk away and not look back, but I’m sure it’s for the best. I try not to hate, but the effects he has left on the life of me and my children has been damaging. I feel like I have spent the last two years of my life in an abusive relationship that has lasted forever.

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  9. Wow, this really hit the nail in the head. Anyone please feel free to comment if you can tell, but I finally realized this was the case.
    There is this girl, she was one hot tamole, very sexy, and let’s just say I am a man that has never had anyone, have so much trouble with girls, I mean it is something I have to work on, apparently I get too caught up in being super loyal, super kind and respectful and while I am everything women say they want, I don’t attract but had read several books on it this past year, she was giving me so many signs that she wanted me, yet while giving those signs, she also gave opposite signs, almost as if she knew or anticipated I may have learned all this stuff and probably knew the information in case, who really knows? I am almost 10 years older too, and I as she knows is super genuine and caring, a people pleaser, an empath. That I genuinely and truly care about others, and she even figured out I never had a woman, and I always tried to do the not show her I am a wuss although when I thought I dd I would back away, so I may have due to reading and studying this, kept her for a loop for awhile, but due to the fact I am truly compassionate and she is only fake of it, well, she is a complete utter master of her game where I am not. and I am doing it because I care and hoping to attract where as she is, well WAS at this point just using me as a source supply. I was a high priority on her list because I have such an immense amount of patience and genuine caring, trust, she told people I was a saint because there are so many things I have never done, and she couldn’t believe it. but she love bombed me , abeit, only 2 weeks after meeting, I said something in her defense on line, she blocked me 3 days later for no apparent reason, and I thought, gee what did I do? I thought she liked me and now she dissapared i’ll never see her again. but to my surprise she texted me and talking really nice, told me she shut her site off even though I had friends who could see her profile was up, never said nothing, she eventually admitted by accident that she blocked me and she put me on. she blocked me like 4 times. always for the most riduclous rasons.
    oh, and one time in the first few times she invited me to the house she is in, she uttered the words “I hope you never think I am using you because I would never do that” I never even accused her of it but I was starting to wonder, maybe she picked up on it from non verbal clues. but she always let me touch her anywhere I wanted, although I was respectful and moved very slowly doing more each time. this woman had let me touch her thighs always, no rejection, no NOS nor pushing away, she always hugged me, always invited me to her home, and asked me to come downstairs to her bedroom, even lay on bed with her. now she has a bf, on/off again constantly for over 5 years. the body language in their pictures he is neve rleaning towards her and I was thinking he uses her, which I think he does, but then could she be giving me all this info to make met hink he is without her directly saying it to pit me against him and him against me? she was so so nice too, but early on like this, one time she totally completely snapped at me saying she would beat me to the ground because she thought I was making fun of her, and it was a matter of her calling everyone iand their brother this day she had a freinds’ cousin get hurt, not die, in a motor cycle accident. most peole were in bed and she was acting like “why won’t anyone answr their phone?
    oh wait that’s right, a narcissist doesn’t care about what others are doing, only doing what she watns, so then she was about to call someone in her family I have heard her on conversations with, the one who always supported her no matter what and I said something like “well, it is good you are calling her, she is the one who you can always count on and loves you” she totally snaps at me, gives me the stare of death and says ar eyou making fun of me? do you know them? do you hang out with them?your parents would be so very not proud of you if they were alive, WTF is your problem? I said I would never make fun of nor have I ever made fun of her, and she slipped her mask back on.

    within 4 minutes she apologized saying”oh sorry about that, I don’t know why I said that”
    also early on , one time she made a post after receiving something nit he mail from a friend on facebook “wow, thanks so much, wow, well things like this happen, being a really good frind to people really pays off”
    I should have again paid attention. talking abut being a good friend and saying it pays off???
    what?
    what ture friend could ever say such a thing, it was almost like she slipped to say “I use people” almost as if she almost gave away her hand” but it can so easily come off tot he untrained eye as just sounding like wow she is a good frind, and friends do nice things, but that specific wording is WIERD.

    she bought me anice present last year and even had me at her families eventhough a boyfriend who just got back with her was not showing he cares, and she didn’t trust him. she trusts me with her life, wwell I am that turstworty so that could be part of it, but I think she gives me tasks that show this trust as part of her game.
    so she is always calling this boyfriend her life and world, yet she has talked in manners where I could tell she thought he might be cheating on him. but she also talked in a way that she was the cleanest girl ever and never cheats but once she did say it, an dher story of how many people eshe slept with had 4 variations in the course of 12 months, probably doesn’t realize how good my memory is. lol.
    but she had me sit in her bed 100-200 times, and 5 times she had me sleep over in bed, with her, but with clothes on, even cuddling. but because she also always talks constgnatly about bf, even while giving me the green light signs, and knowing I have 0 experience, I hae a feeling this was all parto f her game, she got everything she wanted and gave me almost what I wanted, without me ever getting what I want.
    there had been a few times where she had a spat over NOTHING, and didn’t talk for a couple days, then 75% of those times, she called me buttered me up, then within a few texts, needed something from me, like heling with a resume, picking a friend up, picking hre up from the airport. whatever.
    she even made it so we 2 were going to my birthday together. then said I should have friends come, so I told her family friends weer coming, she caused me to be an hour late, had another guy there that was a “friend” who told me she was a manipulator when she got out of the car , and he paid for my dinner, she not only ruined it so a family friend hasn’t talked to me in 6 months (which even that is crazy on her own merit to hold a grudge so long) but even her son stayed only al itle she wanted me t pay for all the food for my bday but the guy who came said “he can’t pay for his own bday!!!” and he did. o for that I was cool.
    I look back at this and made exuses lie well when she drinks shei s imposile to get to do things, but ths is like one of 4-5 times where she did stuff like this. but I bet she wanted to get my friend against me, make them mad. and when my cousin called, she was like “who is that, why are you talking to him? told her it was my cousin fro out of town” she didn’t even seem to care.
    she caused me awhile later to go crazy for almost 2 days because she ha a friend from out of town who was also in love with her who I know she told her boyfriend he is not allowed to tell him that, because she won’t get to do this thing he provides her that nobody gets to do, etc.. she and him got into afight over if she loves him or not, she walked out on both of us even though he did it, she later told me how terrible he was (smear) he told me things that made me bleive he thought he was either in a relationship with or could be or would be if only this or that. sounded all too familiar. he straight up said he can tell I care about her, and even though he hates her at thi point and will never ever talk to her ve again, and lives 600 miles away, said to keep an eye for her, but not to get too cloe because I will only get hurt.
    this girl even told me a few times she anI would wind up married and felt SO bad because if it was ONLY NOT for this guy she ewas in love with who uses her, who may again just be using him to make everyone else think sometimes he is using her, who the hell knows, or maybe that is her actual attracgtion because he does to her what she does to everyone. I really don’t know.
    she always makes it sound like It is my falut. same with others. she has talked crap about every person she knew at some point, smear, even though she will talk good.
    well one girl she had me talk to said that this girl spoke highly of me. but did she just tell her that, only because she wanted me to pick heru p instead of herself, so she ade me look better, part o that game?
    hard to tell.
    honestly if she was so happy with her guy, why would I be at her house and spend 15-90% of the same amont of time she spends with him depending on the week?
    and she had me give her foot rubs , back rubs, and one time let me massage her legs for over an our while laying on the couch in just panties and a shirt? and ask me to go higher an dhiger, I probably could have gone for it but she knew I wouldn’t somehow.

    and it goes on and on, but recently her bf was totally done with her, and she realized she was used, did a smear on him too, but he knows her buttons, was slowly working on it so a letter I wrote about wanting to be with her even saying “as you said, as you mentioned “etc..
    she saw it, left town, came back said her found it (lying about it a few ways) and nobody was mad, hell she had me for dinner 3 days after that and even was going to invit me over 2 or 3 days after that too.
    But I started to not give in to her using me, or saying no to et hings she just expects me to do automatic. probably started noticing it too. she asked me to fly down to drive her back during work just because she was sad about being screwed out of $300 and wound up doing better for the event she went to anyway beasuee they felt bad for her. so dumb.
    then the day after, she demanded I leave right now, no rason even I said no.
    didn’t call her back the rest of the night I was so mad. then said sorry phone was off. she then told me to F off, andnever ever speak again. this ime I was more onto her nonsense and flat out told her I could care less because I know you use me and don’t respect me.
    oh but she turns it on ME. no YOU USE ME!!!! for my body. oh yeah, well right, sure, ok, since we never had sex, how am I using you? and how is it that you invite me in bed all the time, had me sleep there, you asked ME girl. sorry.
    I blocked her . then the nxt moring she said she orded a private protection order, still haven’t been servd after 10 days so I think it was just a scare tactic. I responded saying I didn’t need one I don’t want to see you ever again anyway. and told her exactly how she used me, gave concrete examples, ooooh boy, did that mask come off and she became the devil. totally harassed me, said the opposite of everything she ever told me calling every name in the book, sounding like she was demorilizing me, she told me in so many words she was doing a smear campaign (didn’t call it that, but she told me), then she messed with me, then she flat out told me she wants me to die and I should do it and she would enver miss me ever,and threatened to knock my teeh out not caring if she goes to prison and so on and so on.
    I blocked everything from her period, I went nocontact.
    any thoughts?

    Like

  10. I am in the process of leaving a narcissist.
    He has taken everything from me, financially,
    And most of all emotionally. I was so in love and thought he felt the same, but as time went on the mental abuse got worse. Constantly being called a lier, being accused of cheating and being a tramp. I have been to the point of having suicidal depression. Eventually after speaking to his family members I realised he had burned bridges with them and done the same to others. It has been hard to admit to myself that his love was a lie. I realised that any good times we had was down to me. I found texts on his phone and when I would confront him he would get aggressive and physically abusive and blame me. I also discovered he had other addictions and his promises of changing and starting a family where all a lie. I realise now he’s will never change and he will destroy my life even more if I stay. This article has been spot on and ticks every box in my situation. I feel better now knowing it’s not me. I am a good person and I didn’t deserve any of this. I really hope karma gets him but even if it doesn’t I know my life will be better without him.

    Like

  11. Wow. Everything he was that I couldn’t understand. No matter how much harder I tried or more effort I put into ‘us’. Healing, slowly but surely

    Like

  12. WOW. SPOT ON.
    SO, SOOO happy, relieved, and thankful to have found/read this ridiculously-accurate and relatable article.
    Thank you for sharing.

    Like

  13. Thank you.

    Like

  14. Wow!!! That nailed it on so many levels! Recently I’ve been faced with meeting several of these people all at once .., heartbreaking reality !!! Time to adjust my sails and look inside of myself … one day I will forgive and thank them for the awakening, but today I’m just grateful the nightmare is OVER, -!: I’m finally free from this disturberd pathetic monster !!! Bye felisha

    Like

  15. I told my boyfriend that he is a narcissist.He disagrees.I thought I was doing him a favor so maybe he can get some help.
    He tries to convince me that he loves me.He acts jealous for what he does not care

    Like

  16. And you hit the nail on the head by their just not considering they did anything wrong, I got a half apology, by him saying I just never wanted to see you hurt, it doesn’t really matter to place the blame in any direction. Can you imagine?! I guess that is the closest thing to a narcissistic apology you could ever get.

    Like

  17. This is so acurate and hit home. How they follow the script to a tee, so predictable and so inhuman, like aliens who try to assimilate. The part that you hit upon was how they think your emotions are fake as well. I had mine tell me as things were at the end, “my mother said you know how to play it well” meaning to get in their good graces, as if I was doing nice things to con them! I honestly couldn’t believe they would think that of me, never was there an ulterior motive. I was hurt they thought that but he and his mother were one of a kind and projected what they’d do onto others. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you has never had such a warped interpretation as in the case of a narcissist.

    Like

  18. Dealing with this kind of a person has devastated my life and almost snuffed it out! He was EXTREMELY verbally abusive. Called me every name in the book (ALL THE TIME) and said the nastiest thing about my twin sister (who hates him) and friends who emotionally have supported me. When my mom passed away a few months ago and we got into an argument, he said I was the reason my mom died. Because I didn’t love her. Which was a total lie, I took care of her up until the moment of her passing. He constantly compared me to other women and how much more money, or compassion they had then me. How they act like real women, but not me! I am too strong or talk when I shouldn’t. Men are supposed to be RULER, blah, blah, blah. He told me once, that if we ever lived together, I couldn’t buy milk or red meat products because he doesn’t allow it in his home. When I did break up with him once and met someone else, He came back into my life crying, literally, like he loved me so much he couldn’t live without me. When I ended the relationship with the other person, he was even more relentless to destroy my self confidence, self worth, relationships with others. I was with him for 11 years and just 2 months ago he told me he had herpes. He exposed me for 11 years to something like that and didn’t even blink when he told me he had it. AND tried to make me seem crazy for being upset about it. IF I COULD EXPRESS THE AMOUNT OF HATE FOR THIS PERSON I HAVE, THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE! I am not sure what is a lie and what is real. He was so deceptive and made me think I was the love of his life, but he just strung me along for 11 years and was in another relationship and everything as well. I do hope these kind of people get what they deserve. I am trying to heal from this, but it has totally changed my entire life. Now I don’t trust men at all. if I sound bitter, its because I am!!! I don’t want to be. I am a really helpful person. I will help anyone. But this guy took everything beautiful about me and rubbed it in pig dung! Now he said he never wants to speak to me in life again. Hope he sticks to it this time. He has had a routine, when I’ve broken up with him before, of driving past my house and coming by UN-announced. Because he “loves” me so much!!! HA! Hope God changes him for real. He is a VERY bad person.

    Like

  19. So, there were alot of of read flags before I married my narcissist. I knew he didn’t love me the way I loved him. I knew I should have gotten out when he told me he would never pay child support while he was driving me to the hospital in labor with our only child. What a mess. Now we are divorcing, finally. I hope it isn’t too late for my son, who never wants to see his dad again.
    What I found odd, was that a friend I trust called me on my narcissistic behaviors. I call myself on them all the time, and so am usually aware when I am doing something selfish, or pleasure seeking. I was shocked by the situational choices he sited (ie response to 9/11 attacks, finding out that two friends had cancer at the same time). I respect his opinion, and since I know that sometimes I make the my choices based on the needs
    of my son and myself. Ok, sometimes on what I want. I was sucked dry by my ex vampire, I am afraid that some of his bs rubbed off on either my son or myself.
    I kind of take issue that “normal” people don’t wind up in another relationship soon after a break up? It does happen to noon narcissists all the time. Not me, I b require some serious recovery time, but it did seem appealing to be loved for me rather than for my paycheck. It still does.

    Like

  20. WOW! this is my 21 year old daughter.She has a two year old daughter that she never bonded with at all at birth. I have literally had to take care of that child since she was born. She has slept in the room with me since she was a week and half old. She plays with her and gives her attention then immediately screams at her and calls her names.She verbally abuses me all the time and has physically attacked and beaten me. She broke my nose on one occasion. She has been sexually involved since age fourteen and thinks nothing about having sex with someone she just met. She cant maintain a relationship with a man. How do I escape this child of mine when I have a precious granddaughter to worry about? Is there any medication that can help her?

    Like

  21. you are totally right. totally right. i seem to be attracted to these narcissistic asshole and i think i have some narcissistic tendencies to be honest only difference is i actually love and care about my partner and want them to be happy which of course makes me an AWESOME target for a narcissist to exploit! fml. nightmare.

    Like

  22. Insightful!

    Like

  23. Thank you so much for taking the time to put this information on the internet. Thank you so much for sharing in such depth and descriptive detail. You have put – what I have been trying to wrap my mind around and subsequently attempt to put into words, for the last four years of my life – a precise description into this one piece of writing. Your sharing of your experience is MUCH APPRECIATED and helpful. Finding this yesterday, has definitely impacted the daily choices and emotions I’m making and experiencing.

    Like

  24. WOW…Totally describes my Ex… She was so wonderful the first couple of months, then gradually…started “pulling away” the MINUTE SHE DID NOT GET HER WAY…or…IF she was being asked to put in her fair share of effort and actually try to meet some (ANY) of my emotional needs. It was an annoyance for her to have lift a finger to be kind. EVERYTHING HAD TO BE HER WAY…absolutely ALL the time, or God help you with her COLDNESS and “punishment” with the SILENT TREATMENT!!

    I told myself (after 2 years of crying in mourning at the end)…that “V” is a LIFE RAPIST… She will make you think you are her dear loved one, a part of her family, THEN BREAK EVERY PROMISE and FEEL ZERO REMORSE, even if you are begging on your knees.

    V.L.S…. I know WHO & WHAT YOU really are.

    M.M.A.

    Like

  25. Such a great topic. When reading this it’s like and feels great to take us here to hear the truth concerning our own experience we endured for most of some of our lives. Bless the ones that have caught the good fight of faith and made it through. Giving. God & Christ all the glory in bringing us out of that thing. It has no place in anyone’s family. Sk

    Like

  26. Describes my 12 year relationship/ marriage to my wife. She has used my deep empathy and compassion for people as a weapon against me. I am, as of the past few months, realizing how dire my circumstances are and that total separation is the only real remedy.
    I have endured a lot of abuse but she seems to think our life together is just great. As long as my focus is catering to her needs then we get along fine. If I ever have an independent thought counter to her agenda then we’ve got a problem-meaning I’ve got a problem.
    After enduring this abuse I realize and understand that there is such a thing as pure evil in the world. One of the “commenters” posted about being “detached” in dealing with her narcissist ex which resonated with me. I have to begin to mentally and emotionally “detach” till I can arrange to physically do so. I know she will not make it easy to accomplish this but it is necessary. I have lost a lot of my personal identity already and can’t afford to lose much more without serious health consequences. Thank you for the article and to everyone that commented.

    Like

    • Your so right. I’m glad your also realizing that you can suffer serious health issues. It’s not easy but get out of that hell. Take care of yourself, good luck and God Bless…

      Like

  27. Wow. This is my mother. 😦

    Like

    • I understand your feelings completely. This is a full description of my mother. She has been a narcissist for over 40 years. She now has dementia on top of the narcissism. I catch myself falling into the trap when I hear her tell me that she loves me. Then in a blink of an eye she has a knife in her hand trying to rip my heart out again. I have learned in life to let the ignorance of a narcissist roll off of my back like rain!

      Like

  28. This is a great article. I have been on no Contact with my NM for alot of years. Last spoken words 8/2008, last email Dec 2011. My GC Brother made a demand for me to yeild to my NM some years ago now or he was not going to be part of my life. I did not, and he has not. I am at peace though, and my 12Yo son has never had the pleasure of dealing with NM. I am pretty mobile though so if she were to pursue anything I will just move. I definetly beleive in Outta sight outta mind with them folks.

    Like

  29. I left on the 23rd. We had been seeing a counselor, and had agreed to separate by January 1st. I left over a week early. Today is Christmas. I’m in a hotel. It’s better than being at the home we shared with his 2 preteen sons. I gave everything to make our relationship work this last year. Now I regret not having left a year ago, but I know I wasn’t strong enough. I didn’t believe in myself then. I know now that being alone and having no family around (he moved us 2 states away from my hometown 3 years ago) is not as bad as staying in a relationship where I was constantly criticized, belittled and blamed, not only by him but by his sons more and more over this last year.

    I love myself. I am sad and hurt by having allowed myself to endure the last 12 months with him. But I forgive myself because ultimately I finally saved myself from the heeling relationship of narcissistic abuse.

    Like

  30. This past year or so has been one of the most difficult times in my life for me as i have been faced with many trying circumstances of which i never expected. Being betrayed by someone I THOUGHT I knew & loved  including the ones that said were my friends whom i thought i could trust has tested the strength of my mind, heart & spirit.
    Most of you that know me personally have probably noticed ive been distant  & not myself lately. Struggling with a deep depression has been a constant fight that negatively affected my physical and mental health as well as my ability to concentrate & stay focused at work & on my life.
    All this began from an evil source disguised as an innocent, honest, faithful, angel of love & happiness that can do no wrong. With absolutely no remorse whatsoever for her countless lies, secrets, deception & manipulating people into her web of scams has permantly scarred lifelong friendships, destroyed my reputation, broke the trust ive worked so hard to get by the people around me.
    Im sure you all remember my posts of
    ” I love you forever ” & the instantaneous engagement announcement. Lol
    Oblivious to the signs, I was being love bombed into a trap i never knew existed of mental, verbal and physical abuse by a real psychopath aka covert narcissist with a mental disorder. If it hadn’t happened to me i wouldn’t believe it myself. Noone can or cares to imagine the absolute pain & destruction this sick person is capable of doing. The more you lose your desire to live the more they think they’re winning. I guess the reason I’m left with so much resentment & anomosity is that EVERYTHING i was brainwashed & seduced to believe was fake. Her promises that she would never lie, keep secrets, cheat and never give up was ALL a complete lie. A seriously
    disturbed person that portrays herself as a smart,trustworty,caring faithful, honest woman was secretly having relationships & inapropiate conversations with 4 of my former closest friends for months behind my back. Even used a secret FB profile to stay in touch with her ex husband which obviously she still loves. This was ALL a premeditated scam she’s used many times before for using anyone she possibly can to fill her never-ending need for attention, admiration & praise. As soon as her supply of attention was gone & before her true demonic behavior was exposed she was gone as fast as she came. The moment i realized she wasn’t normal and that I had been set up was too late. The worst fear of a narcissist is being exposed for who they truly are. They will do absolutely anything or hurt anyone to avoid that from happening. Once she knew I figured her mind game out she had already began a vindictive smear campaign to ruin me for knowing her secret.
    The many ‘i love you’s’ suddenly were doubled with ‘i hate you’s’. The extreme issues of trust, control & jealousy were used to fuel a vengeful smear campaign of lies against me which involved having secret relationships with a few of my former close friends behind my back for months. She skilfully used her flirty/innocent charm to let them think she was interested in them. Unaware to them she was using each one for attention then get information that can be used against me. Once she had gotten enough she saved their inapropiate conversations then suddenly exposing them as if she was innocent & try convincing me she had nothing to do with it…  My phone, email, FB accounts were even being searched and people deleted without my knowledge. Sometimes while i was asleep.. Thus the reason some of you have gotten multiple friend requests from me. Thank you for accepting them by the way. I had been given an ultimatum to quit racing or lose the relationship. Knowing how important racing is to me & how hard ive worked to get to where i am today didnt matter. To her it was nothing but a waste of time, energy, money & attention that she believed should ONLY be given to her above anything or anyone else. With the constant lies, accusations, being blamed for everything & put downs of being worthless, that I have never accomplished anything in my life & will never amount to anything in the future, i began to question & doubt myself. The entire situation had become overwhelming to the point i had thoughts giving up. The many attempts of  trying to fix the situation was never enough. I was being blamed for the demise of the relationship for having a few conversations with an ex about our problems. The breaking point of her psychotic smear campaign was getting a coworkers & a former close friend who has been infatuated with her for years to start enough trouble & lies that would cause me to lose my job & everything ive worked for. All the while knowing i would never be able recover from such a devastation.
    I dont know if I will ever be able to pick up the pieces & start over. Getting through it would be a miracle. I am grateful for my true friends & family that have always been there when I needed them. I love you all.
    Life definitely has taught me some valuable lessons.
    NEVER put all your  trust someone. 
    If something seems too good to be true it probably is….

    Like

  31. Wow! What an eye opener. It is definitely true, denial and refusal to see the reality of the situation. I wonder what truly makes someone become this type of individual or if they will ever see it. I experienced this abuse for years. It’s definitely hard to bounce back, even if that’s possible. It over complicates things more when children are involved, and unfortunately become victims of this as well.

    Like

  32. Wow! You’ve just described my life of the last many years … I am now having to counter a falsely filed Order of Protection as part of her campaign to destroy me. Wanting and trying to heal though it is hard with what is happening. Have been no contact for almost two months (except the court Hearing – I never looked in her direction – and incidental passing in the small town in which we live). I simply want my life back.

    Like

  33. Yes!! It took me a few years to see the “real” him. I think I wanted so badly to believe that everything was a mistake…….a huge misunderstanding…….that he really WAS sorry for destroying my life and reputation and character and even harming my work. I could see that he had no self esteem at all and only survived by being able to build himself up by tearing others down. Maybe it’s hard for those of us who have compassion and empathy to even believe that these sociopaths exist. But they do. My final eye-opening conversation took place a few years after the fact……..but here was the difference. I did not fall into his bullshit like I always had. I was able to stay totally totally detached and look at him like one might look at a total stranger. He called me a liar several times. When I calmly asked him to not do that, he told me he is “entitled” to feel what he feels and have his own opinions. He told me that while he knew I had been ostracized from everything, that his own social life had changed as well……… even though I pointed out that his life was still the same….nothing had changed. What a joke. He told me that when his family member finally would pass away (who helped raise him) that he wouldn’t be sad at all, but that his other family members would be sad. And I just sat and I listened……..totally detached………it was on the phone….but metaphorically I was looking into his eyes…….and seeing only blackness, only darkness……..and empty shell of a human being with no compassion, empathy or sympathy for any other human beings. I knew he wasn’t sorry for anything he had done to me or anybody else and he never would be. And in those moments of clearly hearing and seeing the unadulterated truth, for maybe the first time, I was absolutely repulsed. I don’t want to sound off the wall but I realized the “goodness” that I thought was in him really was all just an act, none of it was real at all. It was liberating and that final phone call (even though I initially cursed myself for answering the phone) was a gift to me to help me let it go once and for all. OH. He had called to ask me to dinner. (I’m laughing.) I asked him why since I am such a liar and he said he still loves me. Mmmmhmmmm. Yep. Alrighty then. Like that’s what everyone does…..destroys the life of the person they love. https://journeyofoliviarose.wordpress.com/

    Like

  34. mystraightjourney

    Reblogged this on mystraightjourney and commented:
    Going on one week no contact and since I have had to endure those three horrible words from his mouth.

    Like

  35. Another very pasionate entry! Theres enough material for 10 articles. Thanks! I also liked very much the insights about narc suply to be addictive and also about not being able to understand human emotion (not only not having them). Great job!

    Like

  36. Spot on every word and the way this article has been put together I can identify with. Thanks so much for this contribution. Love & Light Aaron

    Like

  37. Thank you for such a raw and realistic summary of the mind and behaviour of the Narcissist. I’m now at 3 months no contact, and it’s quite reassuring to read this, and see how every single point/behaviour you have mentioned is exactly how he was. The beauty of time is that it’s healing my wounds, but in weak moments it’s sometimes easy to forget how bad it was…reading such an honest summary motivates and reassures me that I’ve made the right choice!!!!

    Like

  38. Mia Southafricanwhitegirl Valenti

    fascinating

    Like

  39. She would say I love you, when she knew I was sick or stressed out, and I believed her for a while, until I came out of the fog.

    Like

  40. Wow! So true, my NM used my depression (I confided in her about counseling and meds.) to make it seem I needed to be in a psych ward. Many times during her rage, she would attack me with words about me being not right in the head, a screw up, etc.

    Her smear campaign includes telling people about “my problems…The problem child I have been. Her last message to me in March was don’t come around anymore.

    I’ve been No Contact since then. I’m sure she is waiting for me to crawl back, asking to be accepted again.

    One time I apologized for yelling at her, and she said, I don’t pay what you say any mind anyway, so don’t bother saying sorry. OMG! What a kick in the ass that was!

    Now I’m married to a good man who loves me, and she can’t stand that we are together and happy. She wanted me alone, lonely, weak and sad, so she could continue to dominate me.

    She was fine with me until I stepped out of line. ( her exact words..).I’m 53 yrs old LOL)

    Like

  41. Reblogged this on emdimensional and commented:
    There is too much good here not to share it.

    Like

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