If You Could Have ONE Thing After Narcissistic Abuse . . .

What would it Be?

Narcissistic abuse is a traumatic experience that can leave us feeling discombobulated from our sense of normalcy. Often, even though we feel that we can’t wrap our minds around what we need to do next to recover, we intuitively have those answers inside of us, they just need a little help coming to the surface.

By asking yourself this very simple question, you will learn alot about what is you really need to feel better and begin focusing your energy there.

Once we receive all the answers, we’re going to compile the data and implement some resources that will focus specifically on what we need to do as a group to heal.

Posted on January 28, 2015, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.

  1. Im trying to start a narcissism abuse syndrome recovery group in my city if it does go through I’m sure it won’t be for quite some time but having others that understand in the mean time is so important I love reading n knowing I’m not alone but at the same time hurt for all of you to I’m going to leave my name and would like to befriend as many people on here as possible on Facebook and this could be a start for my recovery group n I feel there should be one or a few in every city these monsters are everywhere..,so any ways my name is Jaime schoener please friend me on fb and leave a message that u found me here Thank you n good luck on your quest for recovery


  2. I want her out of my head. Despite the break up, despite me knowing she was abusive. Despite knowing I had to get out, she remains in my head. I think about her often. I know it’s the anxiety and adrenaline that created a sort of addiction to her, but I need her out of my mind. Whether I see a car that’s the same color/model as hers, whether a song is played on the radio, whether a certain date triggers a memory from that very day the year before, I can’t seem to remove her from my mind. I’m only now tapping into my feelings rather than thoughts. I’m trying to locate, acknowledge, and release the hurt she caused me. To sooth myself in those moments and to reinforce there wasn’t anything I could have done different.

    But, if I could have one thing, it would be to move her out of my mind. For good.


  3. I would want complete no contact.


  4. Part of me would like to see him and ask “Why” but then I must realise that he would come out with all these excuses and not give me a real reason and I would grow tired of waiting for the apology. The other part of me would like to be able to heal, to move on and put it all done an experience that I will never forget in a hurry. I guess the biggest thing I have learnt through it all is about myself and learning about the person I am and the person I once was. I am now at the age where I may never have a child now (we had a miscarriage when I was with him). But I know that if I give myself that unconditional love that I gave him, I will come out the other end OK so I continue to nurture myself and take care of number one which is something I did not do when I was with him… I always put his needs ahead of my own and for the first time in my life since I was a teenager I am now thinking of me for a change. Not in a narcissistic way but in a way that gives me confidence to grow and develop as a person.


    • I think this was an apology from narc. Can someone tell me why diagnosed narcissist apologized to me for discard. Called me wifey, tell me how much he loves me, he was sorry for cheating/leaving, he was wrong, it was his fault and he wished he had better communicated with me as he thought I was unhappy(begging for time, attention and affection). He said he too was unhappy and bored even though he worked 24/7 and was never around. I was the married lonely one. I am confused now as they never apologize. I almost died/went insane with this malignant narc d/d me and went on his merry way cheating and living life. I’m still suffering and feeling lost since abandoned 5 mos ago and now he is saying it was a mistake on his part. I know I cannot go back after the manipulation, gaslighting, shock trauma, crazy making, madness, cheating, lies, selective memory and mind games. Trying to get over him is so painful as I still love him (married 20 yrs/he was incarcerated for 13 yr). Sometimes he is so charming I don’t want to believe he has NPD but I have seen his mask dropped – evil Jekyll and Hyde. Why did he apologize?


      • Pat,

        he is apologizing because he needs narcissistic supply and is looking for you to provide it because his other sources are dry. There is always a selfish reason (read: It’s all about me, me me) behind the actions of these individuals (read: monsters). In this case, he is using the guise of the “apology” to lure you back in and then start the abusive cycle again.

        Put your love into yourself. You deserve it. Seriously, give yourself the real love that you deserve. You might even sit down and make a list of all of the ways that you would like to do that. Caring for yourself is going to allow you to discover where real beauty exists…within yourself.

        Take it easy,


        Liked by 1 person

      • He apologized because he wants supply from you, he’s not getting it anywhere else. That is the only reason they come back. 100% NC is the only way for your healing journey to continue. Good luck

        Liked by 1 person

  5. No one believes me. Family friends are gone. Cousins and aunts don’t believe me. My mother tried to go after my job too. She said she wanted to ruin me. I never did anything wrong! I am all alone. I was born with 5 siblings but I wasn’t ever part of a family. I am all alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I want one night without dreaming of the comfort of him next to me, one morning without waking up missing him, and one day without wanting to reach out.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I would really like my mother to come to terms with the abuse that she suffered herself and the fact that instead of trying to do better, she did the same thing to her children, and I would like her to realize this and get HELP.


  8. My abuser to admit to the pain and damage she has caused and continues to try to cause. That isn’t possible, but I dream about it all the time.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. My ex to take responsibility for her actions.. But that will never happen…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sadly that’s not going to happen, I was on that page for a while, she won’t even recognise in herself that she’s done anything wrong most likely…. and if you are a bit a quiet about it or withdraw a little when you where together (because your mind is wondering and questioning what the hell was going on) that just makes her think you have switched off because you have had a change of heart, the truth is you probably have as I did, but the failure and then her leaving was because you didn’t love her the same anymore and then you go no contact, that then validates her view that you probably never loved her, when in fact in my case I probably loved her more than any of her previous long termers, she will never ever recognise that any of your ”issues” was as a direct result of her actions / behaviours. Unless of course she tries a ”hoover’.

      Sorry Patrick, that’s about the size of it.

      All the best

      Liked by 1 person

      • Exactly! They do not look at the world like normal people. We keep thinking they are… damn it. Asking them to do so, such as recognizing what they have done is for other people. They cannot truly take responsibility for what they have done because it would be against their view of the world, which is all of it, and us, are an extension of them. My ex would fain taking responsibility until she could spin it to be my fault or someone else’s .. typically it was my fault though, cause she said so. She was judge, jury, and executioner. And was exceptionally good at it. I would love for my ex to have an epiphany for what she has done and see the devastation and feel the emotions and take responsibility for it… pipe dream. That is not what they do.
        Patrick I have found none of our healing will come through or from them. You, John nor I deserved what we got. We were duped. Hang in there… I pray healing for all of us.

        Kind Regards,

        Liked by 1 person

      • Totally correct John!


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