Goals for 2015 – After Narcissistic Abuse
There’s no time like the new year to create a NEW YOU after narcissistic abuse.
With all the confusion and depression a thing of the past, we’ve got so much time and bandwidth available to us, we can have trouble knowing where to start setting goals or to decide what it is we truly want. Finally, many of us haven’t believed ourselves worthy of focus and have thus always put our desires last to everyone else in our lives; especially narcissists.
Let’s take a look at the areas of our lives we can explore when considering goals pertinent to our abusive experiences with a narcissist:
What areas above have suffered?
What areas have you neglected in order to take care of others but need to focus on now?
What area causes you the most stress and upset?
Write down 5-10 goals in each area and begin looking for ways to combine them together.
Take a deep look at yourself and make goals based on how you need to improve yourself so you can improve your relationships and the world around you.
- What things do I value in life? Are they tangible things like a job, a career, education, a home? Or is what I value less tangible – relationships, humanity, animal treatment, world hunger, etc.?
- What would I like to see changed about the things I value?
- What are your values? Take a 5 minute assessment:
- How can you build back your self-confidence?
- How do you set boundaries?
- Do you know what your vulnerabilities are?
Answer the following simple open ended questions.
What do you want to do?
What don’t you want?
Brainstorm. Try answering these questions to inspire your creativity.
Here are 28 questions to ask yourself after narcissistic abuse:
1. We learn from our mistakes, yet we’re always so afraid to make them. Where is this true for you? Have you worried that you’ll meet another narcissist and not know how to get out before you get hurt?
2. What risk would you take if you knew you could not fail?
3. What is your greatest strength? Have any of your recent actions demonstrated this strength? You learned alot about how strong you had to be to survive a narcissist. Think about the strength you’ve shown picking yourself up after this horrific abuse.
4. What are the top five things you cherish in your life? Remember how the narcissist tried to destroy them? How can you protect these in the future so no one ruins this for you?
5. How can you improve your boundaries? What areas do you need to be more protective of? What makes you mad?
6. In what ways have you learned to trust yourself since having your trust broken by a narcissist?
7. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
8. What and who do you most connect with? Why?
10. What are your feelings about honesty? Do you have the ability to spot people that are lying? How will you use your knowledge to live an honest lifestyle and protect yourself from frauds?
11. What bad habits do you do that you dislike?
12. What are you avoiding?
13. What is the one job/cause/activity that could get you out of bed happily for the rest of your life? Are you doing it now?
14. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
15. What are you most grateful for?
16. What would you say is one thing you’d like to change in the world?
17. Do you find yourself influencing your world, or is it influencing you?
18. Are you doing what you believe in or settling for what you’re doing?
19. What are you committed to?
20. Which worries you more – doing things right or doing the right things?
21. If joy became the national currency, what kind of work would make you wealthy?
22. Have you been the kind of friend you wish you had?
23. Do any of the things that used to upset you a few years ago matter at all today? What’s changed?
24. Would you rather have less work to do or more work you enjoy doing?
25. What permission do you need/want to move forward?
26. Really, what do you have to lose if you go for it?
27. How different would your life be if there weren’t any criticism in the world?
28. We’re always making choices. Are you choosing your story for you or for someone else?
STAYING ON TRACK:
To help you stay on track with your goals set them using the acronym, “SMART”
A useful way of making goals more powerful is to use the SMART mnemonic. While there are plenty of variants (some of which we’ve included in parenthesis), SMART usually stands for:
S – Specific (or Significant).
M – Measurable (or Meaningful).
A – Attainable (or Action-Oriented).
R – Relevant (or Rewarding).
T – Time-bound (or Trackable).
Anyone who teaches people how to set goals will tell you to write your goals down, put them in every place you can think of – on your refrigerator, in your car, at your desk, etc. There is a valid reason for this; by putting them in front of you every day, they stay in the forefront of your mind – conscious thought, if you will.
When you feel yourself pulling back from your goals or procrastinating, question why. Do some problem solving to see if you can get back on track. Ask yourself the hard questions and, even if there aren’t any real answers, find a way to move forward.
Keep checking back as new information is added!