Why Doesn’t a Narcissist Just Use Prostitutes for Supply

First of all, let me say that prostitutes are people too. What we’re talking about here, is there are people who engage in the profession of being someone’s supply for a price; those people are called prostitutes.

Beyond the obvious, let’s theorize about this for a moment.

Since the narcissist is in relationships to get, take and use people – doesn’t it seem that prostitutes are an attractive group of people for the narcissist? They’ve openly  stepped up to the plate and said, “I can offer you ___________ ” for such and such a price – and both walk away from the non emotional arrangement satisfied?

Therein lies the rub. Narcissists don’t want ANYONE walking away from the situation satisfied. It’s not in them to care what the other person gets from their interaction. Not only that, they’ll convince themselves that they’re above having to pay for it or that a person who would charge for it is beneath them, not worthy of their time OR money.

Ill take it a step further and outright declare that the narcissists I’ve known are so Machiavellian, that they perversely enjoy the duping and manipulation because it further substantiates their false self image as being that of a “good con” “above the law” and “smart enough to get away with pulling the wool over others’ eyes”. There’s no empathy nor conscience about who a narcissist uses or hurts. Therefore, they get more “evil cred” by choosing a nice person, charming the pants off them (literally) and manipulating them into sticking around in a one-sided, toxic takership.

I witnessed first hand the dupers delight in the narcissist’s eyes. He outright committed acts of duping and harming people (his children included) where he’d get an evil laugh, his eyes got beedy and dark with evil excitement and he laughed at people openly for being such “chumps”.

Narcissists can’t honestly wheel and deal with people about what they hope to get out of the ‘relationship’, because they KNOW that anyone in their right mind, would look at them and tell them to GET LOST.

Who is unhealthy enough that they would agree with a narcissist’s one sided idea of healthy?

“So you’re telling me Im not going to get anything back from you, but you want me to stick in here, give you all I have, and never leave you?” “Ok! That sounds like a deal!!”

That requires too much honesty; that a narcissist would never possess. In their eyes, those who would go along with that kind of plan (like a prostitute for money) would not be “good enough” to validate their flagelling self esteem.

They much more enjoy the duping, the tricking, the almost getting caught, the highs, the lows, the drama and the tears of unrequited love on the part of the nice person they’ve conned.

There are great stakes for the narcissists sense of power and entitlement for them to mastermind a plot against a good person. They know inside that they are dark, evil, and very different from a good person. They know their own manipulations and tricks. When they “take on” a good person, they’re the evil that’s taking down “good”. Those qualities that make good people who they are: trusting, kind, unconditionally loving, etc. are the qualities that 1) Narcissists KNOW they don’t possess but envy and 2) make the narcissist believe that we were wiling saps or chumps.

They view our goodness as a weakness and their manipulation and perversion of our goodness as their STRENGTH.

Bottom line? They get a huge electrical charge out of taking down good people.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t though, because what goes up in the beginning – “our valuing”, where the narcissist places us  on a pedestal of the “best” “most” “brightest” “greatest”, will soon fall down as the narcissist realizes that nothing can shield them from abandonment. Even tricking their partner into staying with them. They begin to devalue us, claiming that we aren’t as great as they first hoped we were. This is a combination of their rage on the other side of their envy, their frustration that someone yet again isn’t able to fulfill all their longings and desires perfectly (the perfectly loving parent)  and projection where they cast off their shame upon us, using us as a scapegoat to discharge their negative thoughts and feelings about themselves.

The narcissist subconsciously lives out the old Groucho Marx saying,  “I wouldn’t want to be a member of any club that would have me”. And turns the blame towards us, finger pointing that there is something wrong with us for going along with all this abuse and manipulation in the first place. This thought is amplified by the fact we’ve likely left and returned many times to the abusive relationship with the narcissist.

Ultimately, a narcissist doesn’t need to use a prostitute. Someone or something they’d have to pay for requires far too much skin in the game for the narcissist. Trickery and manipulation gets them so much more “evil street cred” in the narcissist’s mind as well as the valuable time of someone who was duped into sacrificing themselves to make the narcissist happy; a failing gamble.

In the end, a good person will cost the narcissist, absolutely NOTHING.


Posted on July 8, 2014, in Healthy Love, Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. I was required to have sex with my narcissist husband every day that I wasn’t on my period. If I didn’t feel want to he would rage. He insisted that I allow him to do things to me sexually that I didn’t want; like inserting foreign objects or letting him film us. He was my first and I thought because I didn’t have experience that I was the problem.
    He ended up showing pictures he took of me to his boss and work friends.
    Then he brought them up during sex, he wanted me to tell him that I wanted to have sex with them.
    This was the same man that would not let me work because “I would end up cheating on him.”
    He made me feel like a prostitute, I always felt used afterwards.
    I wonder if the sexual perversion is related to the narcissism or if it’s a seperate issue.
    Btw, he ended up having child porn on his computer and that was my breaking point.
    I am free now and safe but I am still haunted.


  2. What do you do when u truly love them ….how the hell do you cope?..I’m afraid..


    • Oh Lisa – I am struggling with this very question too…I’m finding reading sites like this is helping me wake up to the fact that it is the illusion I love and not the person…I am catching glimpses of logic now which is helping. I am also completely exhausted and beginning to feel like I need to get away from him because I just want to feel normal again. I have had to go through the motions though. At the moment he is just entering the devaluing phase with me (for a second time) and honestly it is ridiculous! The way he looks at me you would think I was the most vile ogre that ever walked the earth. The last time I went through this it shattered me because I had no idea about this illness and he had completely convinced me that he was perfect in every way. Now I know, when he looks at me with that blazing hatred I just see someone with a flagrant mental illness. That said, I know he might be on his best behaviour again tomorrow…in summary I think it’s a roller coaster I will get so sick of that eventually i will leave him and feel nothing but relief.


  3. Vampires crave fresh blood out of warm bodies, not tomato juice in a bottle bought from the store. Ns are emotional vampires. A prostitute does not give N the sense, “she is really into me! I am loved and worshiped!” The service of a prostitute is clearly a “service,” a fair trade. What the N needs is the victim’s volunteered giving so that the N’s ego is stroked. Buying sex does not make the N feel superior. It can even make him feel worse about himself. When someone pours their heart out to N without getting paid, not a business transaction, the “true love” makes N’s world. They need victims, not partners nor fair trades.

    I imagine that a N might get his narcissistic supply from a prostitute if he could manipulate her into doing something beyond a “fair” trade. That might make him feel special.

    I love this blog. So informative. I have been a victim of narcissistic abuse, and this blog is incredibly healing.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This makes perfect sense. You’ve explained it clearly-and it’s a point of view I’d never thought of before. Really glad you put at the top, “Prostitutes are people too.” God knows they don’t deserve evil that happens so often to them. This is my first visit to your site, and I’m sure it won’t be my last. I’ve had a number of narcissists in my life-now have PTSD and DID because of it. Thank you for making this site-help educate. I appreciate it. Like they say: Know thy enemy.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Insidious_Sid

    I couldn’t think of something the narcissist would avoid more. Paying for his audience… the narcissist wants to impress and get validation from a real audience – real people, who he can convince of his greatness and command respect and admiration from. Since any man with money (within reason) can “command” the attention and even admiration of a prostitute for a short period of time, a narcissist would probably not get a lot out of the experience, knowing it is accessible to anyone and everyone who would subscribe to such “services”. That’s my take. Experience: read a fair bit about narcissism, books, online, etc.


  6. I use to be told that if I didnt please him, he could get a new mate- one who would serve him better (said as he lay day in and out in a recliner, enjoying the fruits of my labor)


  7. Narc’s father was a sex addict! Narc vowed he has never had sex outside the marriage. Yet he gave his Ex a STD! He would check my panties daily and tell me its out of concern as a husband should know what’s going on with his wifes body! I’ve never heard of such BS! If we passed a corner he became openly crude shouting suggestive comments at them! Super embarrasing! His paranoia in “catching” men who pick them up and threatens to report them to their wives! Hmm..!?? Huge red light for me!!!


  8. S. Giersbach

    My ex Narc, told me very proudly he would never go to a prostitute, because he didn’t get off on that, he had to have a connection with someone in order to find the sex good. Another way of looking at this is that he had to have the power over someone to make himself get off, and a prostitute would not have the emotional connection with him, for him to have the power over her. Therefore he wouldn’t be in the drivers seat.

    Liked by 1 person

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