How The Trauma of Narcissistic Abuse Changes Our World Views

 

 

 

 

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The word  “Trauma” is derived from the Greek term meaning “wound.” When targets encounter relationships with narcissists, what takes place is a human wound & trauma. When a person is wounded, there requires a time of healing; however scarring is often a result.

During times of psychic trauma, our belief that we are invulnerable to harm becomes shattered. Our defense mechanisms break down and we suddenly can’t function the way we used to. We begin to feel inadequate for not having the ability to process the trauma in a short time. Subsequent emotional arousal can reawaken the narc abuse experience that we feel the emotions all over again and realize that there’s an ongoing attack on those defense mechanisms; we’re attacked both within and without. The trauma of narcissistic abuse collapses our worldview and assumptions about life in one full blow.

Our assumptions about how we think life should operate act as boundaries around our reality. Inside these boundaries, we place all our deepest hopes, expectations, fears, dreams, ideals, thoughts and definitions of what makes life safe and meaningful. We can easily see ourselves in this wonderful, serene portrait, known as our life.  Narcissistic Abuse breaks that picture. Like a beautiful portrait falling to the floor, suddenly the frame surrounding our beautiful portrait of reality, is laying before us shattered in pieces.

If we have the belief that honesty is a virtue, justice is fair, and people are basically good, then our world view would be if not naive, a world view that we are safe and protected from the opposite of those virtues: Evil, unfairness, lies, betrayal and injustice. That is until we meet a narcissist. The tragedy is, that we will come to know firsthand, all the things we didn’t want to believe existed. Tragedy challenges and shatters our long held beliefs. That’s what makes the narc abuser so damaging. When something so far outside the range of our experiences happens to us, it throws us for a loop.

The Assumptions that are shattered from Narcissistic Abuse are:

1. INVULNERABILITY
We live a life possibly over estimating the likelihood that we won’t meet with devastation or peril especially at the hands of someone who says they Love us. Most of us believe that humans are basically good, honest and not going to purposefully cause us harm. When the narcissist acts out against us, either by lying, cheating on us, using us, causing financial ruin, criminal harm, physically abusing us, or other forms of their abuse, they are sending the message to us that the world as we know it, no longer feels safe. We now know that evil, unsafe people exist in the world we live. Invulnerability says, “That won’t happen to me.” We watch TV shows such as “Who The Bleep Did I Marry” and think, how could that person not know they were marrying a fraud. We feel safe in our living rooms, sitting back in our arm chairs exclaiming that we are somehow immune from the interpersonal dangers that harm others. The narcissist comes along, pulls the wool over our eyes, loots our minds and bodies while we “aren’t looking” and leaves us without resources, scrambling to make sense of what happened. When we’re wounded this way, we feel victimized. That victimization leaves us feeling vulnerable. Our close relationships become a place we no longer feel safe in. We aren’t prepared for the effect that narc abuse has on all our relationships. We suddenly realize we don’t trust ANYONE.

Television shows depict crime shows that wrap up in an hour, with a beginning, middle and end that allow us as the viewer to carry the belief that trauma and tragedy come wrapped in a package that looks time limited and easily healed. When vulnerability follows us around everyday after narc abuse, it’s somewhat difficult to face the reality that our world view has been permanently altered and our lives are lived with a heightened sense of vulnerability.

2. RATIONALITY
This assumption is visible in our belief that things that happen in life have a rhyme and reason to them. Life makes sense to us, has meaning and is logical. The idea that we believe that people who say they love us, behave in a predictable, loving manner towards us that is evidenced in their actions toward us. When narcissists and their behavior have a traumatic impact on our lives, they become a puzzle piece that doesn’t fit.

The more we try to make sense of the trauma the more incomprehensible and monstrous the event becomes. Narcissists defy our logic. They act in ways we can’t. They lack things that we believe all human beings possess; like a conscience. The assumption that all things make sense and are understandable is deeply rooted in the human psyche. We are rational beings who reason, analyze and need order; its what differentiates us from animals. When the trauma of narcissistic abuse hits us, our rationality becomes a curse.

Homosapien is latin for “Thinking man”. Normal human beings cannot fathom the animal like approach that narcissists show towards their own kind. They’re a cold, detached, calculated predator of their fellow man. This is not something we rationally believe is true. The meaninglessness of narcissistic abuse drives us into despair. We know what the narcissist did to us was not necessary, it was pure overkill, they exacted a plan against us with such hatred towards us that we can’t comprehend.

We are rational beings. When we seek to find the reason to explain why narcissists abuse us, no meaning is found; the traumatic blow is heightened which can cause us to seek unhealthy forms of coping through  various types of escapism (Alcohol, Drugs, shopping, eating, sex, etc.).  How many of these activities we choose is evidence of the degree that our assumption of Rationality was shattered.

We must find ways to pull ourselves together to reintegrate our shattered world view of rationality. I think that this is why it’s so important to educate ourselves about narcissistic personality disorder. Once we know the reason that the narcissist behaved towards us why they did, it goes a LONG WAY towards rebuilding our sense of order, predictability and safety in our lives.

3. MORALITY
Just as we expect our world to be orderly and make sense, we also have the expectation that the world is just and fair. We expect good guys to be rewarded and bad guys to go to jail.   Our expectation that life is fair towards us is the primary assumption that frames our reality. It makes no sense to us when we face unwarranted, irrational and undeserved mental /emotional torture by a narcissist. Narcissistic abuse is an unjust intrusion into our happy, loving lives. As we suffer, our human spirit rages in torment over the abuse. This event can cause many of faith, to challenge their belief about God’s presence amidst the tragedy, questioning why God has seemingly left us alone.

For many of us, the trauma produces a second crisis: a crisis of our own faith. If our assumptions haven’t been challenged to this degree formerly, it can be a rather catastrophic event to be exposed to the inhumane treatment of a narcissist.

4. SELF – IDENTITY

When the bombs of life hit us, our worldview is shattered. Our assumption of a fair world run by a benevolent deity is brought into direct conflict with the hell of our pain. Experiencing extreme pain affects how we view ourselves. The picture of the beautiful, happy loving world we used to live in, involved our own part of that picture. We all carry pictures of ourselves in our heads. Most of us have the belief that we are capable to wake up in the morning, shower, get ourselves dressed and proceed throughout our day making our living. The trauma of victimization changes all this. We seriously question ourselves after a narcissist victimizes us. Are we weak? Are we needy? How did we not see them for who they were? Weren’t we intelligent? How did we not pick up on the lies? Are we out of control? It makes no sense to us when we face unwarranted, irrational and undeserved mental /emotional torture by a narcissist.

The victimization of us was neither expected nor intended to be our choice. We did not want to be lied to, cheated, cheated on, stolen from, lied about, sold down the river and thrown away. We did NOT see this coming. We perceive ourselves as helpless and powerless. Our self perceptions change. Will we now always be victimized in relationships? Will we be singled out again? These new self perceptions can cause us to act out again, from this perception; becoming another victim to a narcissist.

Psychic trauma is the collapse of the structure of self resulting from a catastrophic human experience and a resultant chaotic response. We must be careful to deal with the issue of self perception after narcissistic abuse in order to prevent this. We were victimized, we are NOT a victim. We have choices. We are responsible. That is why we are learning two important fundamentals of identity after narcissistic abuse:  Who the narcissist is, and who we are. Two very distinct people capable of two very distinct types of behavior towards others. Pathologically hateful vs mutually loving. (We fear we’ve become like the narcissist as we grapple with our own feelings of intense hate towards our abuser)

After narcissistic abuse, our sense of wholeness and integration has been lost. We no longer see how our life fits into the larger world with significance, meaning and purpose.  Who we were in the world was lost. Not only was the frame around the picture broken, but the picture itself has been destroyed.  We look into the frame and see nothing. We’ve lost our bearings, our boundaries, our sense of who we are. This loss is devastating. Not to know who we are, when our lives are collapsing around us is almost as painful as the abuse itself.

The coup de gras of narcissistic abuse is that final horrible realization that not only have we been cheated on, lied to, abused, and left hung out to dry, but that the rules that defined who we previously were, no longer exist and no longer operate in our lives. It’s what I believe creates the “walking dead” effect of this abuse. The final blow is how we’re left an empty shell, no longer ourselves.

Ultimately each of these worldview assumptions need to be transformed into new operational plans for our future. It takes a tremendous amount of time, reforming our identities. The time spent is worth it when we consider that our new view incorporates the reality that evil people like the narcissist really do exist in life, that they are a human predator who is a danger in relationships and should be avoided at all costs. It doesn’t mean all people will be harmful to us in our future, but it does allow us to quickly assess the presence of sociopathic traits in those around us and to avoid them like the plague.

 

Posted on June 8, 2014, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 138 Comments.

  1. Wow. That was an amazing post. Very clear. Only one who has been through this can write such an article.

    “…that the rules that defined who we previously were, no longer exist and no longer operate in our lives”

    I was speaking to a friend today and we were talking about exactly that. My friend knew me before the narcissistic relationship, 20 years ago. He told me today how i have changed, and i agreed. I no longer what i used to be, “a free spirit” someone called me in my 20s. Now after years of mental, financial torture, i have left the narcissist and i am physically free, but i will never be the same as i was before. I realize we all change through the years and with our experiences, but i can never again trust and love everyone around me so blindly as i have done before. I can never smile like i used to. I wish i could get my old self back but i am afraid that if i did, i may fall into the same trap because of overly trusting everyone.
    Im glad to be me now, but a lot of damage has been done and yes, i do feel like “the walking dead”.
    I have young children with him so unfortunately i am not completely free yet. Its been the road to hell. I hope i can and will get better in time. Gain more trust in people and be able to do “the walking alive” more than the dead. Thank you for the article. It helps a lot.

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  2. Who wrote this?

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  3. Thank you for writing this.
    I’m struggling, three years after it ended, to cope with a twelve year relationship with a narcissist. He was/is an alcoholic, stole, cheated, would happily describe himself as a sociopath and, towards the end, things got very abusive and dark.
    I had no idea that “narcissistic abuse” was a thing until yesterday, and reading about it feels like a light being switched on and a burden lifted from my shoulders that I didn’t even realise I was carrying.
    Thank you.

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  4. This one of the best descriptions of narcissistic abuse ever. After 30 years of living in a bubble believing that I had a ‘family’, I realise that they were all narcs & now I have to face the cold hard truth. Stay strong

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  5. Reblogged this on the dream running ahead of me and commented:
    Such a vital post for survivors of narcissistic abuse. I found it helpful, healing and reassuring.

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  6. Thank you for writing this! I came across this article when I needed it most.

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  7. Both my parents have NPD so I lived with it all my life till I went no contact 2 yrs ago. Because of the abuse I was diagnosed with complex-ptsd. I have come along way but still deal with nightmares almost every night. More needs to be said about this type of abuse starting early in life which leads to adults seeking partners that treat them the same way. Not all the time but it does happen.

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  8. I have a Narcissistic mother, I have moved far away from her, she talked so much behind my back and lied about me so much I have confronted her many times in my life and her answer is always nothing and just a cold blank cold shoulder feeling. I have been in counseling different times and finally found a good counselor. May God helps us through these times as I feel he is the only one that can help and he saw it all happen.

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  9. The damage to ones own personality is irreversible. It is beyond words and measurements.
    Do the narcissicists die without any insights bestowing toxins on others.
    Is this the concept of life they hold on to?

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  10. This puts into words what I feel but have been afraid to say these,words, for fear of ‘ being belittled’ for having feelings,and thoughts. My question is this: how do I set boundaries for my Marc to not spe A lot to me the,way he does? It out ly causes more belittling and repremands. Any suggestions?

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  11. I’m hurt think this is happening to me so hard to admit to ones self . Thanks for this article hopefully it will help me realise the truth …. whether I want to or not …. I have too .

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  12. Christy Hutcherson

    Hi thank you for such a great article. It does help for those of us who’ve been through narcissistic abuse to wrap her head around what happened and why we are forever changed. I hope that this change in me continues to spur me on to being more devoted to truth and to help others recover.

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  13. Reblogged this on dreamsofapiano and commented:
    THIS.

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  14. I need help. I’ve been dealing with a narcissist for over 20 years. We’ve been divorced for 19 years. He continues to make threats and I’m not afraid for my safety. Our children are grown and he has nothing to hold over me any longer yet he continues to create lies upon lies to try to keep me tied up in legal proceedings. I’m so afraid and nowhere to turn.

    I contacted a women’s advocate (three of them and each with their own advice) but the short of it is the laws do not protect us. I don’t want this to make news only because he’s finally done away with me and I’m found in some shallow grave.

    What do we do?

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  15. This is my story all the way through and I’ve been search for this. I was a very sensitive and empathic person and I never could have comprehended that a person that had claimed to love you and had children with could turn on you in a blink of an eye and hate you so much their mission was to destroy you and started by stealing the babies that were my whole existance convincing the officers I tried to end my life in front of them and made me drive away hysterically sobbing empty handed. He succeeded, but he was just getting started the attacks continued for 14 years and I just exist not even a productive member of society. I seclude myself in my bedroom mostly. I’ve been fighting my way up and made a lot of progress but he destroyed my soul. Your artical gave me something I never recieved and desperately needed, it gave me validation. Who wants to believe that that kind of evil exist so I’ve suffered alone. Thank you!

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  16. Love your article, as always, but for me, the “final blow” was not being left an empty shell, but having other people that I loved criticize and attack me for “hating” the narc who destroyed my life, telling me to “get over it” and stop being such a “hater” – all while I was so devastated and disoriented from the N’s actions, and dealing with that empty shell reality. It was truly “unreal” and even further disorienting to be persecuted for suffering, especially at a time I so desperately needed the love and support of those people.

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  17. This is terrible trauma to go through, my mom was always picking on me and she was jelous of my realtionship with my dad,my dad died when I was 15 years old and it has been pure hell every since. I live far away from my mom but it has not stopped her from coming to visist and calling. Once I told her not to come and she came any way and I ended up throughing her out. She denied that I told her not to come

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  18. Been in one narc relationship as a child , didn’t know it at the time. I am 53 ; been in a nark relationship for over 12 years. Been reading up on narcissistic behavior. ( thank you ) I am not sure what to do next. I love my wife,however ?

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  19. Please help this victim of narcissistic abuse! https://www.gofundme.com/2dwwztwc

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  20. The day I read about NPD was the day I stopped seeing the poker-faced N as a rational person. I’d had it backwards fir 27 years and suffered crippling self-doubt and shame. The day I stopped seeing the N as a rational person was the day I realized that I always have been rational; there was nothing so wrong with me. It was the day I set myself free from all his criticisms and definition of me. I immediately gained confidence, self esteem, self love and now see the picture the other way around. In plain fact, dealing with an irrational person will drive a rational person crazy.
    I realized he had ulterior motives for everything he chose. He was never straightforward in any communication. I believe he himself does not know where the truth ends and the lies begin. A very confusing person to live with.
    I treasure my sanity. I could say I chalk him up to experience, but it was a nauseating and unnecessary experience. Frankly they’re the few people on earth we can say we regret ever crossing paths with.

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  21. Very good! A very well written article. It resonated with me in so many ways,at so many levels. I really related to the term “walking dead.” That’s what I’ve been the last 2 years since escaping from a relationship with a narcissistic girlfriend. It was a 2 year relationship which devastated me-emotionally,spiritually,and financially. I now know the “walking dead” phenomena to be Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,PTSD. I have been shell shocked. I am taking steps to heal and move on,but it is an extremely slow and painful process. I still have trouble believing this type of evil exists-but I know now that it does. I will get better in time,but I know that somehow I will never be the same. Narcissistic abuse changes us somehow. It’s like we have lost an innocence that we will never again regain. My heart goes out to all of you who have suffered this type of abuse.

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  22. I Never really saw it coming! I fell head over heals for her so much that I lost myself in the process. It was love at first sight followed by the need to come to her rescue as ” the blue Knight in shinning armor” I was unsuspecting and overtaken by her qualities never choosing to see her defects. I often questioned myself when she would criticize me for showing my feelings or any emotions. I felt as if I weren’t mature enough for her. I would get upset with myself for being me. A hard working, loving, caring, honest, neat freak that I’ve become. I often found myself apologizing to her and begging for compassion. We have now been seperated for 31 days and waiting for even the slightest bit compassion, for how long? I don’t know the answer. I just know that I still love her and I forgive her for not being capable of loving me the same way I LOVED HER….

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  23. Very insightful, thank you for that introspection. I know that I am not the same person after just over 3 years with an N.

    My last straw, hopefully, is that the last time I saw him, he physically tried to keep me from leaving his apartment. First he sat on my feet and put his chest in my knees to keep me from standing up off his couch, then he chest blocked me backwards after I was able to stand, then he grabbed me by the arms to hold me in place, of course able to overpower me, all the while screaming vicious, terrible things in my face that were untrue. Such as that I was really the asshole all along and I am just like all of his other “fake” friends and that he would be moving out of the state because I am just so mean to him. All the while I was trying to calmly get away from him, I didn’t know if I could get out of the apartment successfully, and taking out my cell to call for help is out of the question as he would have just grabbed it out of my hand as he has a few times prior. My hands were obviously shaking and my voice was cracking. This was the first time that I was actually scared, very scared, of him, for my own physical safety and if he was going to hurt me and if I would be able to escape.

    I did escape, with him yelling at top volume at 3 am, no doubt waking all of his neighbors at the same time, but he did not care because he is right and I am wrong, everyone who would hear this would undoubtedly agree with him, that has been the truth of it for 3 years. Any type of issue that he may admit to causing has always been blamed on me because I “made” him do that or “forced” his hand or left him no other choice.

    Because of this newfound fear, he has never been physically violent prior, I am really hoping to stay No Contact this time. For the last 48 hours the barrage of emails has not stopped, not him admitting fault, but his blaming me for how “mean” I have been to him, how it’s my fault he has stopped eating and not gotten out of bed, how I am forcing him to suffer. Nevermind that he put his hands on me, bruised my arms, pushed me back to keep me from leaving, blocked my path to the door. That I clearly MADE him do as he has no control over his own actions.

    This time I was truly scared and I really hope I can keep up the NC, he IS dangerous, but I have never let it escalate that far in the past, then again he has never physically assaulted me before and that can only get worse if I were to let him back in, unfortunately.

    Some quotes from his newest emails, this probably sounds very familiar to other victims out there! “thanks for traumatizing me yet again”, “Nothing justifies how you treat me”, “It’s all my fault that you were mean to me???”, “You’re just using me anyway… like all of my other no good friends do… I deserve better than this…”, ” sadly I have to change without you in my life… I don’t want to… yet I don’t want to keep being hurt by you… and you just don’t understand…”, “I don’t know what else to do… but you really need to accept responsibility for pushing me away pushing me away”, “I cannot take the pain anymore… you will just keep abusing me if I stay I will keep letting you come back… because I love you…”, “It is VERY traumatizing because I love you so much and you just keep hurting me”, and the cherry on the cake, “I need love and healing… please no more meanness and cruelty from you… I did nothing to hurt you… please STOP hurting me… I love you xxxooo.”

    Any of that sound familiar? I’ve got 3 years worth of this type of N created dramatic fiction. Thanks for reading.

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  24. Water on a vine leaf

    An incredibly helpful and comprehensive article. Thank you so much for sharing this.

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  25. I to have divorced an extreme narcissist and also have two teenage daughters. We have been divorced for over 14 years and have tried to get a modification of the parenting plan due to his abusive behavior towards my daughters and have been denied every time at which my daughters have been forced by the courts to return to his home for their visitations.
    The judge stated they don’t get to choose until they are 18 ,even with many letters written by his own daughters ,his second ex wife regarding their safety while with him.
    My daughters have stated when they turn 18 they will never see him again.
    The mental,verbal,emotional and physical abuse they have suffered at the hands of their father has me very concerned for their mental and emotional well being in the future.
    We all three have been to counseling and is where I first learned about the word narcissist.
    When we divorced in 2003 he stated he would make my life a living hell and have me arrested because I had the courage to have him arrested for spousal abuse.
    My daughters have known nothing but turmoil all their lives due to this narcissist and of course tells everyone that I have a constant need for drama. He even filed contempt charges against me after he assult ed my 15 years old daughter on December 23rd 2015 at which the police released her to me,this back fired I was not held in contempt and the judge stated 3 times that day that her severely tramatized his daughter so much that she had to go to a stranger to call for help because he took her phone from her that I pay for so she couldn’t call me or police.
    Two more years ,too long!
    Wishing I could help others in this situation but I can’t save my own children due to the courts.

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  26. This article describes a female relative of mine to a T. I went for counseling but they don’t
    want to listen, like I am making it all up. The lies she told about me and got many others in the family to follow her, has made and makes my life a living hell. It is still going one, how do you make them stop? No one will listen to me, as it is hard to put into words.
    My world has been shattered is all I can say.

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  27. Schneider is extremely prejudiced against women in his court. I would like to speak with you more. Maybe together we can do something?

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    • I to have divorced an extreme narcissist and also have two teenage daughters. We have been divorced for over 14 years and have tried to get a modification of the parenting plan due to his abusive behavior towards my daughters and have been denied every time at which my daughters have been forced by the courts to return to his home for their visitations.
      The judge stated they don’t get to choose until they are 18 ,even with many letters written by his own daughters ,his second ex wife regarding their safety while with him.
      My daughters have stated when they turn 18 they will never see him again.
      The mental,verbal,emotional and physical abuse they have suffered at the hands of their father has me very concerned for their mental and emotional well being in the future.
      We all three have been to counseling and is where I first learned about the word narcissist.
      When we divorced in 2003 he stated he would make my life a living hell and have me arrested because I had the courage to have him arrested for spousal abuse.
      My daughters have known nothing but turmoil all their lives due to this narcissist and of course tells everyone that I have a constant need for drama. He even filed contempt charges against me after he assult ed my 15 years old daughter on December 23rd 2015 at which the police released her to me,this back fired I was not held in contempt and the judge stated 3 times that day that her severely tramatized his daughter so much that she had to go to a stranger to call for help because he took her phone from her that I pay for so she couldn’t call me or police.
      Two more years ,too long!
      Wishing I could help others in this situation but I can’t save my own children due to the courts.
      Yes you can contact me through my email.

      Like

  28. Very helpful article!

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  29. I am simply astounded by how accurate this description is of the turmoil of the aftermath of a relationship with an NPD is. It was such a confusing time I was at a loss for words to describe it to other people. For the longest time, I just pretended that I wasn’t confused so that other people would treat me normally, but eventually I came to accept that nothing would ever be the same again. I’m writing this 15 years after the end of that relationship and a part of me still doesn’t believe that it happened. When I told other people (including therapists) the story, they immediately jumped to: “Nobody is like that, the problem must be with you. Are you on drugs?” Recovery is going to take the rest of my life. While most NPD are men, there are NPD women too and kind, gentle men are their target.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m sorry that happened to you..I too suffer in the hands of a Narcissistic person

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    • They are masters at making us feel guilty for their behavior. It wasn’t you!!! Keep your chin up and believe me we that have been there all know how they are!! I think only someone who has dealt with it can understand the full extent of the narcissist behavior. Just keep in mind they only pick strong partners so they can feel superior for tearing them down. So stand tall and know you did the right thing to walk away no matter how hard it was. (I actually recorded one of his rages that helped me realize that yes, he is abusive, this is not my imagination)

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    • Everyone knows that female persons can be narcissists, so concluding with that is suspect. It’s amazing MORE women are not narcs, considering that they are more frequently and severely targeted by such behavior. Which points to a different cause than socialization of men.

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  30. Thanks for such an insightful article. You nailed it.

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  31. This is an insightful article and I am finally getting rid of my narc after 24 years. Two things worth mentioning in my situation are that I believe my faith in God is exactly what gave me the clarity to know my dignity and worth and to finally end the marriage and that extending that compassion of dignity for all life helped me rise above my own victimization and affirm that the gifts I have to love and care for others does not fall into a black hole like it did for my husband

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  32. I live in ontario… Where do i go for help? My (ex)wife “fails” the narcissistic tests (meaning she is likely a narc) but i am reeling from our life together in every way and now we are trying to separate and the process is being dragged out for 2 years now…still don’t have a deal and we’ve just started with a new mediator. It’s insanity! Is there someone out there that can say “yes you need this help. Get behind me while i shield you from this while you heal”?

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  33. I live in ontario… Where do i go for help? My (ex)wife “fails” the narcissistic tests (meaning she is likely a narc) but i am reeling from our life together in every way and now we are trying to separate and the process is being dragged out for 2 years now…still don’t have a deal and we’ve just started with a new mediator. It’s insanity! Is there someone out there that can say “yes you need this help. Get behind me while i shield you from this while you heal and develop coping mechanisms etc”?

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  34. Very nice article. Thank you. I would like to offer a correction though in the second last paragraph: the “coup de gras” is actually the “coup de grâce” (last blow). Gras meaning fat in french. The “hit of fat” then, though not proper french, suits well the description of my fat french narcissistic dad 😉

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  35. AwakeningGnosis

    I’ve suffered more than anyone can imagine and seeing others suffer in this world is devastating. Our souls are definitely not of this world. Just the fact that the world operates on such barbaric laws which we go against shows this fact. I have my own blog of spirituality, that does not condone suffering at all. It doesn’t embrace any of the organized religions or popular philosophies. Everyone is welcome to my blog, and I truly love all you innocent souls who suffered. I embrace you in my being with warm and loving kindness. You are not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. This is an amazing article. It hits every point so well. What I would like to see written about is the covert malignant narcissist. I am victim of this and the relentless smear campaign is tragic. The cunning with which the covert operates is frightening. The stealth with which he destroys you is unheard of. The fact that it never ends and is based on lies so you cannot prepare for what it might be and so you can’t defend or anticipate it.

    It is 1000 times more frightening than the marriage was. It is like a nightmare that you can’t wake from. He lies now more than ever but he is cool, relaxed, and in control–unless it behooves him to be sad, or hurt, or upset. Then he has emotions for show.

    I need help trying to cope with eh ultimate set up–me being called mentally ill and alienating my boy from him. He will seek full custody based on those ies. That bastard is going to seek full custody based on things he has just made u–and he has set the stage was in advance. Help me figure out how to stop this monster when he has already got tons of manufactured evidence submitted and accepted–making me look soo bad–even though it is ALL lies.

    I can’t keep fighting like this and defending myself against his lies–it makes me look guilty even though I ma not! Help.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Wow, reading this gave me goosebumps, It sounded so familiar, I was beside myself.All alone and living a life of attracting other like minded people who use me as a scapegoat, punching bag etc… Every time I start to recover and take positive steps foward, I get sabatoged and pushed back down . This traumatizes me all over again and I get weak,run down ,sick and my health is so bad that I’m afraid I won’t make it. I have an addiction to pills and eat badly. Something has to happen on my part asap, or else! (Maybe some special advice or kind words of wisdom will find me soon) thx,M.G

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    • Im also having an incredibly tough time with this too. Just trying to convince myself that I can somehow survive it is emotionally exhausting in itself.

      There isn’t any amount or combination of words available to describe this feeling that it leaves you with. None. I need help too, before it becomes too dark and hopeless because I have two innocent and impressionable daughters who need me more than need to be released from how it feels more and more unsafe by the day. The daily panic attacks are already unbearable.

      I feel like ive been screaming for help and nobody can hear me because nobody is taking me seriously all of a sudden, and it terrifies me to the bone. If you recieve any direction at all, please pass along the info to me.I dont log onto wordpress regularly, if ever but can be emailed at:

      damselinamess@yahoo.com
      Its not my main email address, because that could link me directly to this post but ill check it as frequently as i can.
      Help me somebody, Help me.

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    • Please don’t let this malignant narcissist win, I have a son n law like that, he has abused two of my grandsons the two he’s not related to, he has abused me and my now 70 year old husband, he has bullied us and made up lies about me, makes up lies about the boys where he would have permission from my also sick borderline daughter, who can’t feel empathy either. He even threatened to kill their real dad, wouldn’t let them see their real dad, they are 15 and 16 now, but just got to see him May of 2014, that was one of the cruelest things he could have done to them. He has no conscience and can actually laugh while abusing them, beat and tortured every pet they have had, that’s how he intimidated them, and constantly threatening to harm other family members, he has the mentality of a young guy in a gang. I know the damage they can do to children, please if you need help stopping your X, call your senators and call everybody that will help protect children, CASA, they are the children’s Rights people. Call me if you need to talk. 770-298-1600.

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    • My advice for you, and what ended up working to save my child was to allow an opportunity in court for him to be made accountable. A narcissistic person will blow up when made to be accountable, and if done while in court the judge will see physically the instability and will most likely rule in your favor. Just make sure to keep your cool, stay calm, and if possible have the court designate a guardian ad litem who will be able to see past the bs. The GAL will or should be the first to hold him accountable and will seek only the best interest of the child. My npd person was more the malignant and ended up facing multiple criminal charges when they were held accountable for their behavior. Good luck to you and your child.

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  37. Have never been able to pinpoint our issues . I cried as I read the article
    Have struggled with addiction for many years .That seemed to be the answer but is definitely not .Praying to God for strength to ” do the right thing for me “.Feel alot of fear.

    Like

  38. My parents.
    Somehow none of the pain and messed up ness that they caused in their kids was ever their fault. They destroyed our confidence in ourselves and enslaved us to their plans for pride and bragging rights. And when anybody messed up they threatened and screamed and verbally abused til we all moved downscale and gradually our personalities disintegrated, our independent desires totally sublimated. If we got any recognition for anything the credit was, and still is, all theirs.
    They live in a deluded world where they are all honesty and uprightness and everybody who doesn’t think so, or challenges them, is the bad guy. And poor little them, everyone is against them, supposedly because they aren’t as rich as the people who they perceive to be respected the way they think they deserve.
    They tell me they love me all the time, but only since I moved to a different country and laid down firm boundaries about what I will let them make me do and what I won’t. They think I have forgotten about the things I suffered under their roof and the things I saw them do to my siblings, because to them it’s as if they never did them.
    My first memory is of my mother kicking me as I played on the floor. Because of the furnishings I remember, I must have been less than three years old. When I confronted her about this she got very agitated and said, just slit my wrists. As though I was at fault and I should feel guilty for upsetting her to the point where she wanted to die.

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