Posted on May 14, 2014, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.
You are so right on, I was involved with a covert Narcissists for two and half years, and he also was a alcoholic and drug dependent.. He also is a very nice looking and uses his looks to his advantage to get women, and uses them to support him in every way financially, and not contributing at all. He was very controlling and jealous at times,and like you said every time I questioned him on anything he got enraged to the point I had to call the police.I finally got up the courage to throw him out in May of last year.I Felt like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders…
I was a one who had been trough this type of man. I was in relationship with him for 11 years. I didn’t realize at first there was something went wrong in him. Something went wrong he will blamed me either direct and indirect way. He tried to degrade and discredit me all the time. He tried to brain washed me that I was a one who have mental illness and I couldn’t survive without him. Happiness and feeling of joy in couple life with him, I couldn’t recognize anymore. All the time I felt uncomfortable or insecure and unable to know what gonna happen next. When he talk about future, he blanked about my place in his dream. Because everything was all about him. Me? I was just a kind of “tool”. I’m glad finally I made my way to move on.
Hi Fiona, I am so sorry to hear you are having such a bad time. Thank you for your kind words. I’m going to tell you about one of the things I did find successful so far, in case it helps you. I’m not saying it’s the right thing, and I’m not an expert, however this is what I did. The laws in North Carolina say that it is legal to record a conversation as long as you are party to that conversation. So I bought myself a secondhand iPod touch (nice and small) off Craigslist and I downloaded one of the more expensive apps used for doing voice recordings. One that allows you to download the recordings afterwards to your laptop. With this iPod touch stuffed in my bra on record, I tried to record everything, where there was potential for abuse, or where, I thought he might turn a situation on me. In fact, in the last few days together I kept asking him why he had done certain things to me and I was really quite persistent. I told him I just needed to know for closures sake, and this is where I managed to get some of his malevolent true character which is always hidden from the public eye, and since then, I have used recording as a insurance policy. I chuck away the stuff that is not worthwhile keeping, and keep what I might need later when he suddenly turns something on me. In North Carolina this evidence is admissible in court, as long as you haven’t tampered with the original recording. I have even made short excerpt copies of where there was significant verbal abuse. Only making these excerpts about one to five minutes long. These have been very helpful in convincing people as to what is really going on. Of course you never want to let him know that you are doing this as it won’t work anymore, and if he finds out what you are doing he could become very angry, and who knows what else might happen. So this one if you do it, you are like me, doing it at my own risk. All situations are different and you have to weigh up the pros and cons. However i’m telling you this because, I wish I could’ve found a few little tips that helped others at the beginning of my nightmare.
The other really scary thing I have realized is that, I’m not able to find a psychologist who really knows anything about this personality disorder anywhere in my area. if the psychologist don’t know about it. The police, the attorneys, and the judges don’t know about it mostly either. very frightening.
Reblogged this on A Mother's Wisdom and commented:
COVERT NARC!!! The guy that claims he is the lover, he is the :good guy: He is the pretender. He projects to the world how kind and giving he is. But they do not REALLY CARE about people, THEY ACT like it and talk about it, but they do not really care.
My husband is this type of narcissist as well, and I am a year into the divorce process at the moment. Fiona, I wanted to warn you about the smear campaign. If you don’t know about it already look it up, If this happens, of course no one will believe you, reason being he is so saintly, also you will be so frantic when you realize how he is turning everyone on you, that outsiders will believe you are the crazy one. Please look it up, because it really sideswiped me and has caused, and is still causing so much trauma for me. I wish you the best. For me it has been a very long road and has not ended yet.
Sarah, I heart goes out to you. I am still with my husband because I am in this alone. I
stopped working because of PTSD and no energy to do much. I am trying to find a free layer
so I can try to get him out the house till we can sell it, he has everyone believing him.Sad
I am so greatful I found this site. My husband and I been married 16 years. In and out of Counselling for 12 years not to mention my son now in counselling. I even suffered a break down . Thank Goodness I have faith in God because for Six months I was on a journey to fine truth it seemed everytime I left counselling I was more confused . I finely came across this and realized I wasn’t crazy.. I still have a big battle but now I know how to confront it.
Thank you for sharing. I have been dealing with a husband that has narcissist traits. It took me a very long time to realize what I was dealing with. It was as if you are talking about my husband. I have finally filed for divorce. I know the road will be bumpy.-Fiona
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