Narcissists Have Two Very Distinct Groups of People in their Lives
NARCS HAVE 2 CAMPS:
The Ones that don’t know them (those that love them) and those that KNOW THEM (and can’t stand them).
Talking to another victim of the narcissist that abused me last evening made me realize a few things about narcissists and their 2 very opposing camps of people in their lives.
The narcissist guards these camps like a prison guard. Making sure that the two camps have NO INTERACTION. Theyll build a wall so high that the dupe won’t see past it: the other camp is described by the narcissist as “crazy, bitter, revengeful, jealous, harmed the narcissist and still wants to harm them.” The tales they’ll spin to build that wall, is unbeknownst to the new target, a PRISON that will soon cause them to feel trapped and lifeless.
The narcissist knows with dire fear, that their gig is up if the duped person begins to believe what those in the other camp have to say and recognize it with clarity as truth.
THOSE WHO DON’T KNOW THEM (LIKE THEM)
One camp is the duped and deluded. They’re infatuated, obsessed even boot licking sycophants who can see NO WRONG the narcissist does. They make excuses for the narcissists bad behavior, to the point of acting as accomplice to toy with the emotions of a previous victim, They refuse to listen to anyone from the other camp whose tried to warn them that there is DANGER ahead.
They’re fueled by flattery, falsehoods, manipulation of their own mirrored emotions and dreams and becoming as obsessed with the narcissist as much as the narcissist is themselves. They want to scream from the rooftops how they’ve found the love of their life, their long lost best friend, or the most loving partner ever. They sing the narcs praises and fuel the common addiction and budding codependency.
They don’t use judgments about character to step back and look at the narcissists actions and don’t ask themselves the important questions:
How can this man claim to be a loving person, yet cheat repeatedly on his wife? The “love of your life” is NEVER married to someone else. Narcissist’s are.
How can this person feign sensitivity, yet every time you bring up emotions, they cannot be sensitive at all?
How can this person give the appearance that they’re a devoted father when the narcissist has a difficult time deciding whether to go to their child’s school events vs an appearance that will bolster the narc’s image?
Why are they beginning to act obsessed, question themselves and their values in this person’s presence, yet feel like this could be your soul mate?
How can a person you respect have a trail of victims, romantic, business associates, and “friends” who can tell you a whole other side to your “soul mate” if only you’d listen.
THOSE WHO KNOW THEM (AND CANT STAND THEM)
These are the people who will give you a more HONEST account of who the narcissist is, and it is based on FACT after having dealt with them. Things went horrible with us and the narcissist, and that is NOT because of some manufactured weakness or ‘issue’ they claim WE POSSESS. It’s the traits that they possess, the ones we’re trying to warn you about: their NARCISSISM.
The other camp aren’t people who make stories like this up. They are honest, good, talented and loving people who were swept up in the narc’s tornado of false charm and flattery, who’ve had a beginning , a middle and an end with a narcissist and are here to say, GET OUT, NOW! Even while it’s feeling good, it’s a ruse! This WONT END WELL.
We aren’t sour grapes. We actually CARE that other people not be hurt by the narcissist. We aren’t trying to hurt people or simply “hurt” the narcissist (even though that’s what they’ll tell the new dupes) but we honestly, genuinely can’t stand the thought of someone else getting used and abused as we did; we know we didn’t deserve it and we believe that others don’t as well.
As the other target of the narcissist and I talked, the common expression on their part, was that they cannot believe how the narcissist gets away with it time and again. They informed me of more victims that no longer drink the narc’s kool aid. A business associate that was railroaded once he was no longer worshipped as the narcs golden ticket into higher ‘ratings’ is now able to see the narc from a startling clear distance and can see that he is an abominable human.
As this conversation went on, I recollected the narc specifically telling me, that once people get to know him, they HATE him. This is true. I see prolonged hatred from his victims. I think this stems from the need for justice. All the people I’ve spoken to, are in one way or another really gifted people. Kind, open, honest communicators, with talent. Once admired, by the narcissist for these traits, then burnt to the ground in his desire to destroy those he envies.
They all are able to articulate that they witness his mental illness; but only from the distance they gain once they’ve been discarded.
There’s a certain comfort and validation that comes from speaking to someone that really KNOWS how the narcs eyes get beady, how his body language gets squirmy when he’s being called on the carpet for something. To know that Im telling a story to someone that can smell his narcissism the same way I do, somehow lets my healing seep deep into my bones. I KNOW, they KNOW.
Finally, I think we found catharsis in saying that the one thing we know for certain is that the line of witnesses that would like to be present to watch the narc finally get what’s coming to him, is a number well into the hundreds. I pictured myself raising a toast to all those fellow survivors and breathing a big sigh of relief.