Narcissists Have Two Very Distinct Groups of People in their Lives

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NARCS HAVE 2 CAMPS:

The Ones that don’t know them (those that love them) and those that KNOW THEM (and can’t stand them).


Talking to another victim of the narcissist that abused me last evening made me realize a few things about narcissists and their 2 very opposing camps of people in their lives. 

The narcissist guards these camps like a prison guard. Making sure that the two camps have NO INTERACTION. Theyll build a wall so high that the dupe won’t see past it: the other camp is described by the narcissist as “crazy, bitter, revengeful, jealous, harmed the narcissist and still wants to harm them.” The tales they’ll spin to build that wall, is unbeknownst to the new target, a PRISON that will soon cause them to feel trapped and lifeless.

The narcissist knows with dire fear, that their gig is up if the duped person begins to believe what those in the other camp have to say and recognize it with clarity as truth.

THOSE WHO DON’T KNOW THEM (LIKE THEM)

One camp is the duped and deluded. They’re infatuated, obsessed even boot licking sycophants who can see NO WRONG the narcissist does. They make excuses for the narcissists bad behavior, to the point of acting as accomplice to toy with the emotions of a previous victim, They refuse to listen to anyone from the other camp whose tried to warn them that there is DANGER ahead.

They’re fueled by flattery, falsehoods, manipulation of their own mirrored emotions and dreams and becoming as obsessed with the narcissist as much as the narcissist is themselves. They want to scream from the rooftops how they’ve found the love of their life, their long lost best friend, or the most loving partner ever. They sing the narcs praises and fuel the common addiction and budding codependency.

They don’t use judgments about character to step back and look at the narcissists actions and don’t ask themselves the important questions:

How can this man claim to be a loving person, yet cheat repeatedly on his wife? The “love of your life” is NEVER married to someone else. Narcissist’s are.

How can this person feign sensitivity, yet every time you bring up emotions, they cannot be sensitive at all?

How can this person give the appearance that they’re a devoted father when the narcissist has a difficult time deciding whether to go to their child’s school events vs an appearance that will bolster the narc’s image?

Why are they beginning to act obsessed, question themselves and their values in this person’s presence, yet feel like this could be your soul mate?

How can a person you respect have a trail of victims, romantic, business associates, and “friends” who can tell you a whole other side to your “soul mate” if only you’d listen.

THOSE WHO KNOW THEM (AND CANT STAND THEM)

These are the people who will give you a more HONEST account of who the narcissist is, and it is based on FACT after having dealt with them. Things went horrible with us and the narcissist, and that is NOT because of some manufactured weakness or ‘issue’ they claim WE POSSESS. It’s the traits that they possess, the ones we’re trying to warn you about: their NARCISSISM.

The other camp aren’t people who make stories like this up. They are honest, good, talented and loving people who were swept up in the narc’s tornado of false charm and flattery, who’ve had a beginning , a middle and an end with a narcissist and are here to say, GET OUT, NOW! Even while it’s feeling good, it’s a ruse! This WONT END WELL.

We aren’t sour grapes. We actually CARE that other people not be hurt by the narcissist. We aren’t trying to hurt people or simply “hurt” the narcissist (even though that’s what they’ll tell the new dupes) but we honestly, genuinely can’t stand the thought of someone else getting used and abused as we did; we know we didn’t deserve it and we believe that others don’t as well.

As the other target of the narcissist and I talked, the common expression on their part, was that they cannot believe how the narcissist gets away with it time and again. They informed me of more victims that no longer drink the narc’s kool aid. A business associate that was railroaded once he was no longer worshipped as the narcs golden ticket into higher ‘ratings’ is now able to see the narc from a startling clear distance and can see that he is an abominable human.

As this conversation went on, I recollected the narc specifically telling me, that once people get to know him, they HATE him. This is true. I see prolonged hatred from his victims. I think this stems from the need for justice. All the people I’ve spoken to, are in one way or another really gifted people. Kind, open, honest communicators, with talent. Once admired, by the narcissist for these traits, then burnt to the ground in his desire to destroy those he envies.

They all are able to articulate that they witness his mental illness; but only from the distance they gain once they’ve been discarded.

There’s a certain comfort and validation that comes from speaking to someone that really KNOWS how the narcs eyes get beady, how his body language gets squirmy when he’s being called on the carpet for something. To know that Im telling a story to someone that can smell his narcissism the same way I do, somehow lets my healing seep deep into my bones. I KNOW, they KNOW.

Finally, I think we found catharsis in saying that the one thing we know for certain is that the line of witnesses that would like to be present to watch the narc finally get what’s coming to him, is a number well into the hundreds. I pictured myself raising a toast to all those fellow survivors and breathing a big sigh of relief.

Posted on May 13, 2014, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 43 Comments.

  1. If you look up bitterness and its symptoms, you pretty much have narcissism. Add the root of rejection to the bitterness and you have a complete narcissist.

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  2. This explains so much about what my partner has done to me! Thank you so, so much for sharing! It’s both great and sad to see that there are others out there who have been victims to narcissists.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I agree..like a reader here posted..look for the nearest exit,run for your life,don’t look back..never look back!

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  4. Reblogged this on Art by Rob Goldstein and commented:
    Excellent post! It looks like the army of those who simply won’t take it in silence any more just keeps growing.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Excellent post! It looks like the army of those who simply won’t take it in silence any more just keeps growing. Good. 🙂

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  6. The reason why these characters find it difficult when they get caught or found out in a lie and their “subject or victim” leaves without their consent is due to their massive ego and disbelief that they are no longer have the power or control. They are unable to complete their mission of complete annihilation, dessimation and emotional and psychological destruction of the person who has regained control and power just by becoming THE KNOWING. Hence, once you leave without their consent they will continue to attempt to get back in your best book, regardless of whether they or in a relationship with someone else who they profess to love or not, (particularly, if you have children by these characters), in order to regain control and complete their mission..It is called revenge! So don’t be deceived by their actions and thinking it is because to do with regret and wanting you back. Had I not got out when I did I would have been toast!

    There is a biblical quote that says “forgive those who have sinned and trespassed against you for they know not what they are doing or what they have done”. However as this article and it’s responders have shown that it does not apply in the world of the socio psychopathic narcissistic type characters. They do not forget or forgive and whether you forgive them or not it means nothing…absolutely nada! It definitely strokes their ego to believe they are forgiven but that is all. I am thankful that I was able to make a transition from Camp 1 to Camp 2 with my dignity, emotional and psychological spirit in tact by maintaining a positive outlook on life and regained self worth.

    Unfortunately for those who are “in love” with these characters and are in camp 1..mmmm..it’s just a matter of time before what happened to us will happen to you.
    I hope you get the message and see the Red Flag before its too late. The Red Flag – These characters present all the traits that a woman likes in a man… they are incredibly romantic, charming, persuasive, attentive, slick, funny and socially adept…they are social vampires! The Downside is they are like Chameleons very deceptive in nature, they can blindside you before you know what’s coming…bam! They are also mysogynistic in nature and in my view a hater of women.
    For those in camp 1 take my “foolish advice” If it looks to good to be true… it usually is..
    so…
    FIND THE NEAREST EXIT AND JUST RUN FOR YOUR LIFE AND DON’T LOOK BACK!!

    Thank you to the writer of this article and for those of you who have moved to Camp 2 and now truly understand the meaning of love you are truly survivors.

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  7. The reasons why these characters find it difficult when they get caught and found out in a lie is due to their incredulous disbelief that they are no longer in control and unable to complete their mission of complete annihilation, dessimation and emotional and psychological destruction of the person who has become the knowing. Hence, if you leave without their consent they will continue to attempt to get back in your best book, whether they are in another relationship or not (particularly if you have children by these characters and/or is there is some financial gain), in order to regain power and control and complete their mission of complete annihilation and destruction of another.

    There is a biblical quote that says “forgive those who have sinned and trespassed against you for they know not what they are doing or what they have done” However when it comes to psycho narcissistic characters you better believe that they know exactly what they are doing. They do not have the capacity to forgive or forget and whether you forgive them or not your forgiveness means nothing…absolutely nada! I am just thankful that I am in the camp of the knowing and have moved on positively in my life. Unfortunately for those who are in relationships with these characters and are in the other camp…it’s just a matter of time… Let’s just hope you get the message; see the red flag and get out in time before its too late. One last thing…the red flag is this… these characters at the beginning are all the things that a woman looks for in a man as they are incredibly romantic , attentive , charming , slick , funny , socially adept… they are social vampires and can suckling you in totally! The downside is that they are also like Chameleons, pre meditated and very good at deception…so if you come across these characters who are really just too good to be true… don’t think twice..just take my “silly” advice and…

    JUST RUN FOR YOUR LIFE AND DON’T LOOK BACK!

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  8. Wish I could see more action being taken citywide to protect victims of this type of abuse!!!!
    They get called out without no heitation cuff and jail the innocent.
    Special arm bands perhaps

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  9. Object of Contempt

    There only seems to be one person in my wife’s camp2. Me. She is a masterful martyr, but only when needed. She doesn’t call attention to herself, but does have a false image of being a submissive, quiet, and extremely honest wife. Quiet is the only honest part. It appears that all her narc is covert, and aimed at me. Her FOO is very N, and now she gets her supply from them and our kids.

    I’m barely functioning now, and can’t afford either therapy or a divorce.

    No one believes me. Even if her FOO believes me, they wouldn’t say so because they hate me, and they’re N manipulators at least.

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  10. Maurie Ponderosa

    I’ve watched my ex husband, Captain Narc, not only execute this manuver with each of his supplies during the last 9 years but, as a supply begins to climb the wall he drags her back down.
    Sad, truly, but I was there once. Sometimes I still get angry at his current supply/victim, but she’s stuck in the same cycle I was 9 years ago and I really just feel sorry for her.

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  11. This one did get what was coming to him , he didnt get hurt but his ego…. Big time and his knew or old g/f was there to witness it and remember thinking how many would love to know he was stood up too , his a boring lifeless dull person i should know i was an extention of it for a yr , hey im karma lol and i snooped around after a few weeks and i found out that his thinking is i wont be punished for my anger but by it nope i feel great !! Ive been with someone already and felt desired etc like my old self but better happier stronger i certainly would prefer not to be seen out in public looking happy n confident by him esp if he wants to think im suffering because the end was insane for a sane person like me and he knows this. i know his life is so boring no money dept no job no motivation all its got is putting the new / old supply down 😦 the thing is i KNOW he is angry and i know its all going to go to shitt i hope im forgotten about when it does , i was harrassed stalked spyed on it was relentless i dont care that the end was insane i wasent dealing with a sane person and it was threatening he was going to beat me as the ending then he would leave me alone . Run and if seen block your mind if u ever see him in public otherwise you will feel his vileness and you will spin again .

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  12. Reblogged this on Life SentAnce and commented:
    A little education… Perfectly outlined and described in this #reblog.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. My encounter with a narcissistic psychopath did not involve my “ex” being the narc.
    It was my (apparently) closest friend. He had my trust and used it to manipulate me into a divorce while simultaneously spreading vile slander about me. I was able to piece together the whole story from seemingly unrelated bits and pieces of information I gathered over two years after the shock of the divorce.
    One thing, narcs have, regardless of the relationship, a pathological need to *control* the person they are in contact with. It is THAT pathological need, fueled by wanting to feel wanted and loved by everyone, that is the mental sickness.

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  14. Thank you. Delighted to read this, it resonated so well with me. especially the “everyone telling me the real side” part and how I just dismissed them because he was my “true love”. The beady eyes when I confronted him about his marriage before me (no qualms about a previous marriage, but if I ask outright I expect it to be disclosed….), he was literally sweating and I considered it at least a partial “win”….two years later, I have endured an arrest due to “domestic violence” (you should see me – I couldn’t hurt a fly…he is just very manipulative and good at playing victim), and also a rape kit, due to him accusing me of cheating and demanding I got the procedure done (it came back negative, needless to say). My saviour was getting offered a job in a new city……I don’t think he’ll bother me again, and from what I read, that is an awesome thing. I just pity his next victims, and also, in a weird way, miss him :-/

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  15. One thing for certain when the mask falls you will immediately be thrown out camp 1

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  16. Great article and true to the bone, these people are the most evil, toxic form of a human being you ever wanna encounter let alone enter into a relationship with. After 5 years with a female narc I was discarded… I found your web site and was shocked to learn these people are out there. Run if you encounter or are in a relationship with these toxic people…

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  17. As a professional journalist and occasional stand-up comedian, my ex– the sociopathic, passive aggressive, pathological liar and cheater Narcissist messed with the wrong person. I’m hoping to finish the book by next year.

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    • Hi there karenzipdrive… my name is ange and as a survivor of a sick twisted narc bastard, I would LOVE to read your book as soon as it’s available!!! This very well articulated post was my life and it was like I had written it myself ….the accuracy was incredible! I have recently been contacted by the latest victim of my ex ( which happens every couple of years sadly) and seriously, if I wrote my own book people would just go ” this can’t possibly be true, no- one could do all that despicable shit and still be getting away with it! ” Damian Trindall is THE definition of a narc. Throw in compulsive liar with absolutely NO remorse or feelings for the 5 children ( that I know of, mine being one) that he has just abandoned without so much as a goodbye! So even though he’s got a victim at the moment ( she’s been warned, yes.. But of course the 3 of us are crazy bitter bitches! Lol) ladies take note, if you’re unlucky enough to come across this arsehole……..RUNNNNNNN! Anyway Karen I’d love it if you’d Email me when your book’s done, or even if you just want to chat 🙂 at angesletterbox@live.com thanks mate!

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    • Hi there karenzipdrive… my name is ange and as a survivor of a sick twisted narc bastard, I would LOVE to read your book as soon as it’s available!!! This very well articulated post was my life and it was like I had written it myself ….the accuracy was incredible! I have recently been contacted by the latest victim of my ex ( which happens every couple of years sadly) and seriously, if I wrote my own book people would just go ” this can’t possibly be true, no- one could do all that despicable shit and still be getting away with it! ” Damian Trindall is THE definition of a narc. Throw in compulsive liar with absolutely NO remorse or feelings for the 5 children ( that I know of, mine being one) that he has just abandoned without so much as a goodbye! So even though he’s got a victim at the moment ( she’s been warned, yes.. But of course the 3 of us are crazy bitter bitches! Lol) ladies take note, if you’re unlucky enough to come across this arsehole……..RUNNNNNNN! Anyway Karen I’d love it if you’d Email me when your book’s done, or even if you just want to chat 🙂 at angesletterbox@live.com thanks mate!

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  18. I survived 50 years of my narc family, malignant NPD mom, golden brother, and dishrag dad, without even having the first clue what narcissism meant, but I knew something wasn’t right for a very long time. Typical, I was the monster. My mother ruined every single relationship I have ever had in my life, aunts, uncles, cousins, girlfriends, career opportunities….all done behind my back without having the first notion what was happening, just the notion that almost sunk in that something was very wrong with me. I enlisted for Desert Storm to get away from these people and didn’t even care if I ever made it home…my death wish was to die in combat. After the Army, I had hoped that things changed and was lured back to the dungeon….parents had some property and were going to have to sell it if I didn’t move back and help take care of it. I was being asked to move out 18 months later after having moved 3000 miles. I was attacked by my dad one afternoon after narc commando went and screamed at the top of her lungs to do something about that “worthless bastard.” I was 42 and relaxing on my day off was out of the question, so dad shows up at my door with my hockey stick and started going to town, mom shows up at the door with that evil blank smile and there was no way to even get out of the room…no bodiess mother is fatter than mine. Saved by the bell, when my sister-in-law called. The first words out of narcs mouth wasn’t hello, it was stated so calm and matter of factly that, “Lyle just tried killing his dad with a hockey stick.” Needless to say, a few years later I was facing 15 years for elder abuse, jailed for 30 days, had a malicious restraining order filed against me….get this….I filed a restraining order against narc for blocking my efforts to move my stuff out….narc brother files restraining order against me and attaches narc parents name to it, then tried to present the TRO as an exparte move out now order. I pointed out that only a sheriff can serve a move out order and left, only to be met by six sheriffs and a dog at the gate. While in jail, the criminally insane genious narc mother went to a different courthouse and was able to take the restraining order I filed and switch the names of restrained and protected person, added a few juicy comments like I threatened to throw my pet snake at narc…and instant malicious restraining order. After being released there were arrangements made for me to go and get the rest of my effects with law enforcement present. When the sheriff showed up, narc called him over to her little secret circle and after about two sentences he turned around and said I had ten minutes to get what ever and at 10 minutes and 1 second I was going back to jail. I have been no contact for almost three years and am enjoying the highest credit score I ever achieved. I still get phone calls, blocked all the narcs emails, but now have the collateral damage of my daughter and grandson. My daughter talks to narc everyday as she’s a little narc herself and successfully extorts money from my narc mom….one day, out of the blue, my daughter would not answer the one phone call I made every month and no answers to my emails….even blocked me from her FB page so now I watch my grandson grow up from her future ex husbands FB page…..that’s just barely scratches the surface…..It’s nice to know people that know narc hell.

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    • Thank you for your service. It’s not the exact details of your nightmare I can relate to , but the general scenario. Im forced to co-parent with a narc. Mine too, isn’t just a narc, but gleefully possess that extra devil incarnate quality. It’s exhausting and freighting that I cannot predict his next move because they are so outlandish. ( snake throwing is one I’ve never heard. Yet.) How sad is it , that I’m thankful that my 8 yr old daughter displays the symptoms of battered woman syndrome , rather than the disgusting qualities of a narc. My light is that I have a supportive healthy extended family and hopefully only 10 more years dealing with devil. I’m halfway through! Good luck to you

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  19. My daughter has many traits of narcissism (sp) and she is in therapy. Can that really help? She is also bipolar and I love her, but not some of the things she does. She does not want anyone to know she has bipolar, although all the family does know. She started this behavior at 12 and is now 44. Her father is also bipolar. Is this the right group me to get some help and answers. Thank you –

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  20. I have recently filed for Divorce from my Narc Husband of 14 years. He always said he would financially abandon all of us (we have 7 kids in total, with 6yr old twins in common), and that is EXACTLY what he has done. He was all those horrible things and then some. He also is a sex addict. When I had my proof of his extra-marital affairs, that was it for me. No therapy was going to fix this PsychoNarc. (been there done that) He abused me, and the kids, in every way; cheated on me and now is trying to ruin me financially (he is a surgeon and makes a TON of money). He was hauled into court after we filed a motion for support, and still, no working credit cards, no cash, no nothing. And he sees nothing wrong with it. He has deluded himself into thinking that I (we) deserve to be treated this way because after all how dare I (we) leave him.As much as I want to get revenge, I know he’s not worth the time of day, and never deserved to have ANY of us in his life. I know that not giving him any attention, positive OR negative, and discarding him is driving him crazy, and probably always will. But I am done. I am going to continue to educate myself, and do whatever I can to help other people, and possibly preventing this from happening to another wonderful soul who can’t see it coming. Thank you, i am very grateful for all the info here, reading it makes me feel stronger…:)

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  21. my n (a “good” friend) is gone, but i’m working on learning how to spot these people and also searching for answers to learn how i got in that situation in the first place. this article rang so true! i always sensed he was purposely keeping me from being part of his online friend group (groupies, is more like it) but when i would talk about how it hurt my feelings that he only seemed nice to me in private, he would accuse me of needing him to announce our friendship to the world. when i said it hurt my feelings that he couldn’t be bothered to thank me for making his birthday special but publicly proclaimed what ‘great friends’ these strangers were for posting superficial fb birthday wishes, he said, “that’s what you get for creeping on my wall.” then he’d turn around and be mr. charming, mr. fun…always keeping me off-guard by telling me, “i just get moody sometimes and need to be left alone – it’s nothing to do with you.” then he’d turn around and be mr. cheerful with his other friends. at some level i always believed i was just a ‘fill in the blank’ friend, but the good times were so ‘good’ that i thought i just need to work harder to blow off the times he ‘needed space’. meanwhile, my space just grew smaller and smaller. and of course he complained about me to the others, grooming them to feel special and ‘in the know’. now that i know about triangulation, i realize they’re being used just as much. but i couldn’t protest, lest i “prove” his point about what a clingy, controlling person i am. total catch 22.. so glad i can see it now! it would feel like divine justice if they could too, but long-distance online friends are the easiest to string along and fool.

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    • Oh my gosh, this sounds so much like my ex! Lol For at least the last year we were together he wouldn’t even have me on his Facebook! This drove me up the wall, but he would give me excuses just like you described. He would say it was because I “didn’t like his posts”. Keep in mind these were hateful posts, derogatory memes, and radical political posts (which we did not agree about). Not to mention, if I liked things too much he would say something, as if he was annoyed, like “do you have to like everything I post?”! It didn’t matter that I felt like he didn’t want anyone to know who I was or that he was with me. That it hurt to think that I, his fiancé, wasn’t special enough to be shared with everyone on his Facebook! I wanted to share him! I tried to explain all this many times, but he never acknowledged my feelings or even seemed to hear me. I couldn’t win for losing! So, I gave up. I tried to act like it didn’t bother me, because I felt like he was just using it to get a rise out of me. All his superficial friends/family probably thought he was single all this time, so they have no idea that he cheated on me to find the supposedly wonderful love he has now. But I know that every single person he does have on his Facebook (or in his life for that matter) are people who don’t really know him at all and/or just people he can use!

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      • agraves78, that DOES sound like we shared a lot of the same experiences, especially feeling like no one in his outside life knew you existed, and then trying to explain why that was a problem – only to have him look at you like you’re an alien!

        i’ve been trying to read as much as i can, and i know different books click with different people, but you might enjoy reading Psychopath Free. i recognized something on every single page – i couldn’t read it fast enough because of how validating it was and made me see i wasn’t crazy! here’s a quote from the list of warning signs:

        17. You find yourself explaining the basic elements of human respect to a full-grown man/woman. Normal people understand the fundamental concepts of honesty and kindness. No adult should need to be told how they are making other people feel.

        duhh! LOL, this should be obvious, but when you’re in the thick of things, you don’t always see it. anyway, glad you got out, and best wishes to you!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Awake, I know exactly what you mean! LOL There are so many “duh” moments where I look back and it seems so obvious now! I did read Psychopath Free, and I did enjoy it! I joined the website too! I have been doing a lot of reading and it helps me also. There are a lot of good blogs and other information online as well. It is sad that so many women have to go through this, but I am so glad there are so many women who understand exactly what I have been through.

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  22. Great clarifications necessary to clarify this horrendous episode in our lives..thank you dearheart!

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  23. I agree about the third camp. I am in the transition. I see it for what it is. See that i ignored red flags. I am in therapy and am planning my escape. Because he, of course, controls all the finances and I allowed myself to become isolated, I am planning in secret. It’s strange how one day his behavior was so confusing to me and then after a particularly bad incident it became so clear. Therapy helped to make it crystal clear. But as I reached out for support I found people in both camps, and also people in a third camp. Mostly his family. They see it but feel obligated to love him anyway. They feel loyalty toward him as family even though they apologize to me for not being able to help and tell me to get out.

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  24. I feel there should be a third camp. The family and friends who stick beside the Narcissist no matter what! They are aware of what he does, but choose to be blind to avoid being ousted by the Narc or avoid his wrath. They know that the family who does say or do anything have been labeled as “dead to him” and talked badly about. So, they are quiet and don’t have opinions about what he does. Therefore, he never has to answer for what he does. They just go along no matter what without ever questioning him or holding him accountable for his actions just to continue being in their lives.
    The main people in my ex’s life in this camp are his mother and son with whom he lives. I was amazed that when my fiancé suddenly had a new woman he had to introduce to his mother and even invited over, “mom” didn’t defend me or do much of anything! And I really cared about this woman! Not only did he betray me, but I felt she did too 😦 And he always made sure I called her “mom” and made me believe I was family! He doesn’t even know what family is!
    And I so wish I could warn the new woman, but I know she won’t believe me. I wouldn’t have!

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  25. I feel there should be a third camp. The family and friends who stick beside the Narcissist no matter what! They are aware of what he does, but choose to be blind to avoid being ousted by the Narc or avoid his wrath. They know that the family who does say or do anything have been labeled as “dead to him” and talked badly about. So, they are quiet and don’t have opinions about what he does. Therefore, he never has to answer for what he does. They just go along no matter what without ever questioning him or holding him accountable for his actions just to continue being in their lives.
    The main people in my ex’s life in this camp are his mother and son with whom he lives. I was amazed that when my fiancé suddenly had a new woman he had to introduce to his mother and even invited over, “mom” didn’t defend me or do much of anything! And I really cared about this woman! Not only did he betray me, but I felt she did too 😦 And he always made sure I called her “mom” and made me believe I was family! He doesn’t even know what family is!
    And I so wish I could warn the new woman, but I know she won’t believe me. I wouldn’t have!

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  26. Holly Golightly

    Yes, this is oh so true. What is crazy is that when I first met the narcissist, he’d just broken up with a girlfriend who had walked out of his life. I remember thinking “Gosh, how could she do that? She can’t love him that much…”. About 2 years later I ended up doing the same thing because I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown! I admit I was in the first camp for a while and showed almost unconditional love him towards him, although I don’t think I was ever completely blinded. since I have a strong moral compass and regularly called him on his actions when they were hypocritical or unethical. Eventually I got devalued because of that, since I was too much trouble.

    The “true believers” of the first camp ,I believe, are all delusional to some degree, and they themselves have deep seated issues which the narcissist to some degree usually fulfills, and consequently they place him on a pedestal. In the case of my narcissist (who I believe is bi-sexual), his inner circle of true believers comprises of a female best friend, who I am certain has been in deep unrequited love with for many years (don’t hold your breath, sister), and a closeted gay male best friend who is also love with him. They actually find his power alluring, I believe (perhaps he is a stand in for the authority/father figure they lacked as children) and thus they lack the critical thinking skills to recognize his acts as unethical or even question why a string of women have walked out of his life.

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  27. With each passing day away from my ex-husband (HUGE narc!), I learn more and more about his issues. After reading this blog, now I understand why he has demanded absolutely no contact from me with him or anyone in his family. Thank you for opening my eyes again! It all makes sense now…

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  28. I nearly cried reading this, thinking about all of the friends who, even after the break up, still refused to believe my ex was capable of the horrible things he did while we had been together. I had no other choice but to leave them all behind. How do people become so brainwashed by these narc sociopaths?? Why don’t they take the word of someone Who Was THERE? Who lived it, and sometimes even updated them on the worst of the behavior when things were hairy? It’s that kind of thing that makes me want to turn back in on myself and just accept the fact that *I* was the “crazy” one, and the one causing all the drama in the relationship…..But NO! That’s not true! It wasn’t me, but the truth falls on deaf ears….Why?

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    • This is exactly the situation I have now. My ex is so convincing, my friends who don’t really know him would never believe when I told them my experience. It hurts so much, and I just decided to drop all behind and move on. Maybe oneday my friends will experience themself his mental sickness and feel what I feel.

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  29. Your posts hit the nail on the head, suffer, victim, recovering, forgiving my mother and my daughters, old college friend, cannot keep a close familia ever, I am avoided by blood family, the picture if me painted, yet when some who have been told about me really meet me, the shock sets in, they have been duped, what makes this worse for me, I am a psychic spiritulist medium, you see the precarious, aftermath, did you write a book on your posts? That is something I would purchase for long term therapy. always in healing, when can I go to God and leave this place for good?

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    • I feel you.. I have had this kind of thing from my family of origin, so called friends and boyfriends.. I am a healer, psychic with mediumistic abilities.. Still recovering.. From it.. I don’t know how I still have my sanity but thank God I do.. My adult son keeps me going and I am committed to healing from it all.. I will never walk down that road again.. My idea of revenge /justice is healing, living well and I will never aid them again.. It’s time for my life now.. I wish you well in your recovery xxx

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  30. Excellent post. But this, “How can this person give the appearance that they’re a devoted father when the narcissist has a difficult time deciding whether to go to their child’s school events vs an appearance that will bolster the narc’s image?” This! is what I’m dealing with right now. He rarely attends events (has missed years of performances), but I finally figured out that his attendance is based on whether he can be seen and whether he will likely be acknowledged/praised for his children’s work and whether he can come with his new family. Coming alone, to sit in a darkened auditorium, well, that’s not going to be fruitful for him — it won’t bolster his image. Now that our oldest has achieved much success, it’s time for him to show up and receive praise. I just hope the praise of the narc won’t interfere with the child’s deserved attention.

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  31. Beautiful Ana! Spot on! There are two different groups of people that Ns split and do not allow them to exchange their experiences about Ns doings and personality, cause they will eventually get a clue that Ns behavior is equal to splitting.
    I am doing a lot to get my independence away from my N father with no contact deal, and I have no strength to try to get him to be aware of his manipulations and compulsive lies. I see that my struggle to open others eyes and prevent their further hurt is pointless cause they worship him. There is just too much to do, and I don’t have that time. Its just very sad that I would need to wait them to get hurt just in order to understand me. I’m very sad and lonely about it…
    One more thing I wanted to say – very close to your “camps” image: thinking about what caused my N to be the way he is: early childhood, his alcoholic father who had some very bad experience in WWII. My clue to what has happened is just my grandfathers war experience – work camp! The thing I know is that every time my uncles and my father went to the fields to work on land, and they took my grandfather with them, they would lost my grandfather out there and find him back home when they would returned. My clue is that my grandfather was so scared of work, maybe he has some emotional flashbacks about people who died in working camps. My father was materially abandoned by my grandfather (guess and emotionally) and he had to do all for himself from early childhood. I guess this was the cause of my fathers current N state. But the worst thing is, that my father doesn’t accept that he has narcissistic and ACoA issues, to such an extent, that he will lose me.
    Just like you’ve said, my father has two types of behavior, one for each of these camps of people.
    Thanks a lot!

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  32. Great Article. Initially I wondered why my EX never would let me meet his new fiancé, even when she was watching our son. I thought to myself, she doesn’t have a reason to hate me, as I had never met her, nor did I want EX back. Later I realized exactly what you said in the article, I would have countered the lies he had told her when she could see for herself that I was a normal healthy (wonder) person.

    Before the Narc totally finished with me, he warned me to stay away from his “friends”. I said to him, do you not hear how immature that sounds? Of course I did not agree. He actually did have one couple that the wife was extremely nice, and I liked her a great deal, but at this point, I just want to move on and FORGET him and EVERYTHING about him, “his” friends included.

    It’s true that the Narc relationship, which fosters co-depency, is so crazy making that you find yourself, thinking, behaving in a “crazy’ fashion. This relationship caused temporary insanity for me. After 7 years, I was discarded so fast and so quickly it gave me whip lash. The next 2 months I was plotting how I was going to key and put a potato in the tail pipe of his car. (I am a mature woman of 48 too!). Thank goodness I have a great support system who talked me down off the ledge and I did not act, as then I would have looked like the crazy bitter b—h he was telling everyone I was. I thought, yeah I’m bitter alright. When someone punches me in the face, I don’t like it!

    In response to wanting to expose the Narc, the justice aspect is true for me. It’s wrong for these people to keep on using and hurting unsuspecting victims. However, the best “revenge” is living and loving well.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. As a former boot-licking sycophant, I’m now a proud member of camp #2 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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