Taking a Good Look at Ourselves

After NA, it’s the perfect time for personal discovery, because we’re already so torn down from being with a narcissist that we’ve nowhere to go but UP.


 This is the time to look honestly at our past.

  1. Expose the closets of our mind.

Our memories of traumatic events in the past need not be larger, noisier, longer and more terrifying than they have to be.


2. Make amends to ourselves and others.

We can accept the reality of our part of the trauma. No matter how small or large, owning it will help us move on. We don’t need to accept any undue blame, but we can certainly master our perception (and feelings) from being blamed and let them go also.


3. Create a new set of standards by which we live and measure our life’s success.

This is the time to throw away everything that others have told us about what it means to be happy, feel worthy and successful.  It’s the time to spend defining ourselves rather than listening to the words and descriptions that others have of us. It’s a time to reappraise what we want from our lives. We can’t live the afternoon of our lives by following the program of the morning. Let’s leave the rules of the first half of our lives out of the second half.


 4. Explore the shadows of ourselves.

To not only better them but to if nothing else, to understand they are there. There exists in everyone a tension of opposites. Contradictory truths about ourselves that we must face with utter honesty. How else can we shore up our vulnerabilities to narcissists if we don’t take the time to explore our own ‘blind spots’.


5. Gain Self Acceptance.

We must look past our faults, both real and accused, to accept ourselves as we really are. We must work to make the changes necessary to live out the rest of our lives, fully alive, present and trusting that the trauma we had in the past isn’t lurking around the next corner of our futures.

Posted on May 11, 2014, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I have had a cluster of symptoms for 13 years known as c-PTSD. I have done extensive therapy and still on Rx meds. One of the most upsetting encounters I have had to date was a well-intentioned, but uninformed friend attempt to tell me to “snap out of it”, in so many words, and get back into a successful life. He grabbed me by the shoulders and starred into my face telling me emphatically to “STOP” being depressed. I asked him to stop trying to analyze my recovery because I was getting emotional overload; very much like when my narcissistic “ex” would go into a narcissistic rage. He felt the need to continue to advise (berating my fears). It is part of the destructive behavior that creates c-PTSD. I haven’t slept well for two nights since. I take Xanax to reduce the anxiety of the encounter. Standing there, as I did, and taking abusive behavior is exactly the characteristic of a person who becomes a victim of abuse. Don’t be polite if this happens to you. Don’t be afraid of insulting your friend. Protect your emotional stability and just walk away. If the other person gets insulted, maybe they should be. Tough love does not have a place in helping a trauma victim.


    • I agree with you entirely. c-PTSD is a very confusing, isolating and debilitating injury. The lack of understanding and empathy from others, isolates victims further. 😦 You HAVE to be able to put your needs first. At times, it is a matter of survival. Be well!!


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