Taking a Good Look at Ourselves
After NA, it’s the perfect time for personal discovery, because we’re already so torn down from being with a narcissist that we’ve nowhere to go but UP.
This is the time to look honestly at our past.
1. Expose the closets of our mind.
Our memories of traumatic events in the past need not be larger, noisier, longer and more terrifying than they have to be.
2. Make amends to ourselves and others.
We can accept the reality of our part of the trauma. No matter how small or large, owning it will help us move on. We don’t need to accept any undue blame, but we can certainly master our perception (and feelings) from being blamed and let them go also.
3. Create a new set of standards by which we live and measure our life’s success.
This is the time to throw away everything that others have told us about what it means to be happy, feel worthy and successful. It’s the time to spend defining ourselves rather than listening to the words and descriptions that others have of us. It’s a time to reappraise what we want from our lives. We can’t live the afternoon of our lives by following the program of the morning. Let’s leave the rules of the first half of our lives out of the second half.
4. Explore the shadows of ourselves.
To not only better them but to if nothing else, to understand they are there. There exists in everyone a tension of opposites. Contradictory truths about ourselves that we must face with utter honesty. How else can we shore up our vulnerabilities to narcissists if we don’t take the time to explore our own ‘blind spots’.