Projection – How a Narcissist Twists Criticism
Being in a relationship involves sometimes not being happy with our partners. Like most of us who are in touch with our emotions and have healthy communication skills, we share our feelings in a respectful manner, hoping that our partner will hear our feelings, understand where we’re coming from and hopefully, act in accordance with helping us resolve the negative feelings.
With a narcissist, this healthy relationship skill is ACTIVELY THWARTED.
When criticized, the narcissist experiences a narcissistic injury. Feeling that their “image” has been questioned / insulted, regardless of how respectfully you communicated your feelings, every narcissist will become defensive.
They’ll resort to their modus operandi: projection— finding trace elements of their core problem in you, and then hounding you about being ill suited to sit in judgment of them because of it.
Save sharing your hurt feelings with a narcissist. Even though that results in your “stuffing” your feelings with your ‘partner’, you’re STILL BETTER off than sharing them and having them turned back on you. Share your feelings with a trusted friend, confidante, support group or therapist. And KNOW that by managing your expectations with a self centered narcissist will save YOU heartache and disappointment.
In the long run, stuffing your feelings and not being able to share intimately and resolve issues with a person you’re in a “relationship” with…will NOT WORK. You will experience perennial cognitive dissonance by desiring intimacy with a person you call your “spouse” or significant other yet NOT ever being able to achieve it. Eventually you’ll tire of beating your head against a wall and realize that the relationship you’re holding onto is NO RELATIONSHIP AT ALL.