Share Your Story of Narcissistic Abuse
I dated a narcissist for 3 years.
The beginning of the romance was filled with building me up and telling me how he’d never met anyone like me, how special and different I was, how beautiful, intelligent and funny I was. How happy he was that he’d met me. He very early used the word soul mate, told me he thought he was becoming my stalker and was obsessed with me. Instead of seeing these as warning signs that I now know they are from a narcissistic abuser, I felt surprised and flattered that the guy knew how much he wanted me and how he was so sure that I was the one.
But I trusted that people don’t just make things up. I know that I don’t just make up how much I like a person or how different or special they are without meaning it, so I was a bit naive with these pronouncements.
As the romance progressed and we spent a significant (obsessive) amount of time, courting and getting to know eachother – he called me 20-30 times a day. When we weren’t together, he was telling me how much he thought of me (obsessed) and how much he wanted to be with me.
I can’t recall the moment I felt hooked, but as SOON as he knew I was hooked, is as soon as his “nice guy” mask began to drop. He became very insecure, jealous, possessive, petulant, controlling and demanding. As soon as I needed something from him, like equality, respect, meeting of needs, the desire to have a conversation about “solving” something in the relationship that didn’t feel right or to confront him on lies and discrepancies – he’d go narc on me and BLOCK AND DIVERT.
He’d hang up on me, tell me he couldnt talk, didn’t have the time, tell me to wait, discount my feelings, tell me I was being too sensitive, needy, demanding, high maintenance and then compare me to other relationships and tell me that “no one” had given him these problems before or demanded so much of him. That’s when I started questioning myself or how reasonable I was being. Even though I was frustrated and severely lacking in having my needs met, he was there to tell me that I was the cause of these feelings and to DO SOMETHING about them to fix Me. Im smart and reasonable but Im also very responsible. I felt that if the problem laid within my power, then all I’d do is solve it or tweak it and we’d get along better.
It didn’t work however, and instead, I felt WORSE but was confused as to WHY.
The deeper we got, the more abusive he became. He followed me, showed up unannounced to catch me “cheating”, he’d call my children, spy on me, have people follow me, put a tracker on my car, and every time I’d add a friend on facebook, he’d stalk the person and said he hired a private investigator to research them and he’d then give me a report about WHO the “new guy” was.
All my friends started dwindling. I lost jobs because of him and his harassment. He’d call work repeatedly and threaten to send my bosses naked pictures of me to get me to conform to his demands. I was very isolated. Not myself anymore. My usual jovial, happy go lucky self, was fraught with self doubt and insecurity. I was too afraid to drive down a street because he accused me of going there to look for “men”.
He told me I was good for nothing but sex, would die alone, and never be loved by anyone as he loved me. That made me feel pathetic, sad, lost and very very alone.
My family noticed huge changes in me and told me that he was abusive and that I should leave him. I tried. I broke up with him and changed my number 3 or 4 times in the last year – but he’d use his influence to get my new private number and would woo me back with promises to be different and be with me full time.
He drew my family into his sphere of influence – getting my son in law a job, putting him on his radio show – but then asking him to keep tabs on me, go through my phone, give him details of what I was doing when he wasn’t with me. He paid my kids money to give him passwords, emails, details. He’d give them concert tickets in exchange for details about me when he wasn’t around. I was under constant surveillance in my own home, by my OWN family.
He’d call my kids and ask if I was with men, he questioned, neighbors, friends, kids friends and family – sending them emails, phone calls, texts and showing up at their jobs. He spent alot of time stalking me – and very little time, just being a decent person to me. All the while telling me, how much he loved me and couldnt live without me.
I finally broke up with him and tried to do it in a nice way; telling him that I just needed a break for a few months to figure out what was wrong “with me”. Yes, I thought at the time that it was me.
In the 3 mos after I left, he continued to harass and stalk me. I went to attorneys and domestic violence agencies to discuss his use of his money and social status, that he was a danger to me – that he had actually threatened to have me killed.
I got a restraining order for myself and my children.
He broke into my car, vandalized me, stole my registration, stole my laptop, and started a website about me and my children – I lost my job.
My life was forever altered. I suffered economic harm, PTSD, legal abuse, false allegations amongst the other crimes he committed against me with NO justice for my own abuse. It changed my views of people, of the system, of evil’s presence in this world and how much the TRUTH can be denied by people that are dupably influenced by con men.