Share Your Story of Narcissistic Abuse

I dated a narcissist for 3 years. 

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The beginning of the romance was filled with building me up and telling me how he’d never met anyone like me, how special and different I was, how beautiful, intelligent and funny I was. How happy he was that he’d met me. He very early used the word soul mate, told me he thought he was becoming my stalker and was obsessed with me. Instead of seeing these as warning signs that I now know they are from a narcissistic abuser, I felt surprised and flattered that the guy knew how much he wanted me and how he was so sure that I was the one.

But I trusted that people don’t just make things up. I know that I don’t just make up how much I like a person or how different or special they are without meaning it, so I was a bit naive with these pronouncements.

As the romance progressed and we spent a significant (obsessive) amount of time, courting and getting to know eachother – he called me 20-30 times a day. When we weren’t together, he was telling me how much he thought of me (obsessed) and how much he wanted to be with me.

I can’t recall the moment I felt hooked, but as SOON as he knew I was hooked, is as soon as his “nice guy” mask began to drop. He became very insecure, jealous, possessive, petulant, controlling and demanding. As soon as I needed something from him, like equality, respect, meeting of needs, the desire to have a conversation about “solving” something in the relationship that didn’t feel right or to confront him on lies and discrepancies – he’d go narc on me and BLOCK AND DIVERT.

He’d hang up on me, tell me he couldnt talk, didn’t have the time, tell me to wait, discount my feelings, tell me I was being too sensitive, needy, demanding, high maintenance and then compare me to other relationships and tell me that “no one” had given him these problems before or demanded so much of him. That’s when I started questioning myself or how reasonable I was being. Even though I was frustrated and severely lacking in having my needs met, he was there to tell me that I was the cause of these feelings and to DO SOMETHING about them to fix Me. Im smart and reasonable but Im also very responsible. I felt that if the problem laid within my power, then all I’d do is solve it or tweak it and we’d get along better.

It didn’t work however, and instead, I felt WORSE but was confused as to WHY.

The deeper we got, the more abusive he became. He followed me, showed up unannounced to catch me “cheating”, he’d call my children, spy on me, have people follow me, put a tracker on my car, and every time I’d add a friend on facebook, he’d stalk the person and said he hired a private investigator to research them and he’d then give me a report about WHO the “new guy” was.

All my friends started dwindling. I lost jobs because of him and his harassment. He’d call work repeatedly and threaten to send my bosses naked pictures of me to get me to conform to his demands. I was very isolated. Not myself anymore. My usual jovial, happy go lucky self, was fraught with self doubt and insecurity. I was too afraid to drive down a street because he accused me of going there to look for “men”.

He told me I was good for nothing but sex, would die alone, and never be loved by anyone as he loved me. That made me feel pathetic, sad, lost and very very alone.

My family noticed huge changes in me and told me that he was abusive and that I should leave him. I tried. I broke up with him and changed my number 3 or 4 times in the last year – but he’d use his influence to get my new private number and would woo me back with promises to be different and be with me full time.

He drew my family into his sphere of influence – getting my son in law a job, putting him on his radio show – but then asking him to keep tabs on me, go through my phone, give him details of what I was doing when he wasn’t with me. He paid my kids money to give him passwords, emails, details. He’d give them concert tickets in exchange for details about me when he wasn’t around. I was under constant surveillance in my own home, by my OWN family.

He’d call my kids and ask if I was with men, he questioned, neighbors, friends, kids friends and family – sending them emails, phone calls, texts and showing up at their jobs. He spent alot of time stalking me – and very little time, just being a decent person to me. All the while telling me, how much he loved me and couldnt live without me.

I finally broke up with him and tried to do it in a nice way; telling him that I just needed a break for a few months to figure out what was wrong “with me”. Yes, I thought at the time that it was me.

In the 3 mos after I left, he continued to harass and stalk me. I went to attorneys and domestic violence agencies to discuss his use of his money and social status, that he was a danger to me – that he had actually threatened to have me killed.

I got a restraining order for myself and my children.

He broke into my car, vandalized me, stole my registration, stole my laptop, and  started a website about me and my children – I lost my job.

My life was forever altered. I suffered economic harm, PTSD, legal abuse, false allegations amongst the other crimes he committed against me with NO justice for my own abuse. It changed my views of people, of the system, of evil’s presence in this world and how much the TRUTH can be denied by people that are dupably influenced by con men.

 

Posted on January 9, 2013, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 35 Comments.

  1. I am the former wife of Craig Alan Wansing. Feferal Inmate number: 18272-045. He’s been on federal parole since I dated him back in 2014. I am not sure if he still is but the abuse and crimes he has done, is unbelievable. He has been allowed, helped and supported by Vienna. He has not one drop of remorse. From fraud, child abuse and molestation, abstruction of justice, drug dealing..the list goes on. Only one of his many parole officers ever helped me, Rondell Lewis. His manipulative ways out smarted the rest. I gave them all warnings, offered polygraphs, pictures; yet nothing. Here is a just part of my story. Suffering for so long, there must be hope. I will not give up again.
    Craig is known for being a meth addict. Meth meaning “death”, that’s all he brings. He has destroyed many lives. Has turned many good people into addicts. Has taken five children he claimed he loves from their mothers with help from his father, connections with social services, the police, prosecutor, and judge from Maries County. The city has allowed him to commit crimes his entire life. His police report stack is fierce there. He is a compulsive liar and would state an excuse for it all. It’s too much.

    He shared a dream from prison. He dreamed he had a black wife and two mixed girls. I’ve lost my cousin, Brittany Hardy, Nov.9, 2013. Only 27 years old, unexplained death. She was a black woman mother of two mixed girls. Ironically 1 of 13 children my grandmother adopted that still resided in Vienna. My mother thought Craig was great. Her last dinner she made was for him. He didn’t show. I ate my steak with her in sadness. She comforted me, told me everything was going to be ok. I told her I loved her. That was my last conversation with her. She died the next day from her lawnmower flipping and breaking her neck in our yard Cheryl Weakly, Sept. 8, 2014. I was there, my sister, father, and my babies. She purchased it from Craig’s family’s shop.I purchased her dress, did her makeup, her nails. I found out I was pregnant Dec.15, 2015. The day my youngest brother, twin, of 7 died of (sids) sudden infant death syndrome many years ago.”Tony” only 4 months. She was concieved in the same room he died in. My father and I found him that saturday morning. I gave birth Aug. 6, 2015, Alana. My mother’s mother, my grandmother was in that same hospital that day. Sick. She died 6 days later to cancer 2015 Rose Marie. My father, Irid Donnell Sr. has a brain tumor, then removed, still recovering. He isn’t the same without my mother. My niece, Shamya 3years old, the grandbaby my mom was waiting for, and looks just like, diagnosed with cancer. All these tragedies seem rough. I haven’t even imagined pain like what I’ve been through since Craig Wansing.

    He has every trait of a narcissist sociopath. He is very manipulative. He has not a drop of remorse. It’s been abuse so bad. It wasn’t just emotional, mental, financial, sexual and physical, he also abuses using the courts. He is assissted. When I found out I was pregnant, after the blessing I knew, I’m served my first exparte, maced while strapped in a chair. If I hadn’t called him to ask what was going on. Yes, I was upset with them, but tortured? It was horrific. I was for sure pregnant, later, bleeding, taking my urine test, released after the ambulance leaves. He still was around on that exparte, still humiliated me in court, kept it on, still on my record today. Never changed. My babies, myself pregnant ,my last months, were in a shelter. He was dating, buying the house we was talking of for himself, using the family pass to six flags. He took my son’s bed for himself. Threw most our things we left out. He cheated from start to end. Sex addict. He didn’t buy the baby anything. She’s two, he bought her a bed to put in his “play house” during the divorce. He would refuse milk and pampers. His older daughter Jessica, her mother he purposesly drug up and while high, he had her sign her away. He admitted it. She still misses her. He gave her to his sister. Illegally and proud still today over ten years now.

    My family has been the only blacks family in Vienna for over 30 years. I am the oldest of my siblings. Called nigger first at 6 and then back to hear it by my husband in my 30’s. It’s as if my family dying and ill, that it’s time to violate. Craig has immunity given from Terry Daley Schartze to abuse unless dead on the floor. I’m sure that is ok too. If I try to fight, charges are out on me. My children are threatened just like Craig does. I have had the harassment from social services. Ross A. Bush is a very ” inside” connection for social services. I have been hit pregnant, after my 3rd c-section, sent to hospital because my csection opened up. I was hit holding my baby and beat, drug me around while he held her. Waking up in bed sore, not knowing what happened.

    I have been charged with a dwi and child endangerment. I called the police for an assult. My 3 and 2 other children. We are bullied. No dwi existed. My babies were taken from my family(Ross Bush), and given to his family. It was set up for me to give in, to take the blame. They were neglected!! My baby at 4 months was painfully suffering from her entire vagina being rubbed off, hair clotted in old milk, Ava, called scarecrow because of her hair. His father, Jim, closed that case. No court, no judge, just a call to Ross Bush. (Can give and take.)

    Craig has taken our baby young, wasn’t on birth certificate at time because of responsibility, just did it to show his power. The police, I even called mayor, nobody helped me get her back. I was told they didn’t have time. Then, after the only slap on hand, by me, by calling the feds, I was charged for kidnapping my own stepson, Gage, and giving him drugs!!! I fake amber alert. Gage was forced to lie at the station by his grandparents.It is even in my discovery. Yet still prosecuted by Terry D. Schwatze. I had all four of my babies and it was known. This was not planned too well. Craig could of had rights of Gage anyday but has blown him off. Ross Bush was still guarduian then. So of course they couldn’t use that social services fake story because of it. I was arrested, children with family, and no cps report??? That should wake up cps but they aren’t so bright. I Had to bond, house boarded, car taken, even mailbox!! Now after, daily cps reports while I’m staying with my family . Ava had the entire cps question list remembered, and did them to the caseworker joking. Jim Wansing and Rebecca Wilson stalked to get Alana, just neglected 2 months ago. Cps suggests shelter. They came there too. Mad i got help. Served divorce, walked the summer whith children.Craig paid no support, for many months. He dated, got vicetomy, I was back doing online classes. I was served my divorce, poor, with no cash, criminal charges, cps reports, trying to do school, my 3, Gage placed in rehab.

    It was not liked by Terry, my attorney. She made negative comments in court about my divorce. I asked if i could take the boards off on house and she said yes. It is the next year and I am charged with attempting to rob my house. My 3rd n final divorce since marriage in 2015! No dress, no ring and my anniversary was spent with Gage, Jakobe, Ava and Alana. I made burgers and fries for us. He wanted to get high and took someone else out. Craig used anything to threatened and control. I try so hard to keep the children safe. He us verbally abusive, racist terms in front of the children and violent with my stepson Gage. He is terrified of his father. He can be 100% the complete opposite too. (would stress you) I was robbed of all my hair. He shaved it all off, on meth, humiliated me, in front of my girls. I kept it all to have for court to prove. It was all gone when I was released. I was being attacked and I fought back, arrested and Craig worked for the stated to set me up. He bonded me out!! Just to control me till the end, he promised to kill me and put my children in foster care. Busted my mouth so bad, I drank from a straw for a week. Humiliated me sexually, talked sexual of my dead momma. I wanted freedom but every attempt made it worst.

    Craig is an alcoholic, severe meth addict. He snitches other dealers out if he doesn’t what he wants. He gives drugs to my stepson to control him. He has him lie to police, social services and has made him record him beating me holding his sister. His father recorded too. He did this in their home. My children, in shock and son trying to fight him off. He tries to attack him too. The police made me put my baby down!!! They said it was best for her there!!! That pain was intense how my children we have been treated. They laughed at us as we left. I had to get a exparte from Rolla to get her and it was just more revenge. I had been pulled over each time to Vienna last 3 times I came. It was my birthday April 10th. I was pulled over for attempt of burglary! Then mother’s day, charged for our house, attempt to burglarized my own home. To humiliated. It was a bill he was suopose to pay. He knew, it was why I went. Resisting arrest, fleeing custody by taking a cuff off my ankle! Careless and imprudent driving, of course child endangerment, for his custody case. I was maced in cuffs in front of my black children on mother’s day. Craig was allowed to come and laugh and take my baby. In 2 months in jail, assulted strapped in chair, assulted multiple times in head. Social services only put my two older in custody of course with Ross Bush, their hookup, and Alana Craig took after kicking me holding her, contested in Rolla, put a mountain of social services false reports in me, took everything me and my babies had. He even illegally took foodstamps for my babies he placed in foster care. All the money, house, cars, all custody. He even put a two year protection on my baby claiming I can’t pay bills. 2years! Granted by our neighbor Judge Rowden. A forged exparte from my father with Craig’s way if talk, claiming that I am abusive to all men, my father seen me in past hit men in the head with hammers!! My father lost his fingers years ago on his primary hand. The courts let him. He put an exparte for himself. Now I’m a threat. I thought if I took a plea, they’d free my babies. I was in my 3rd college during this hell. Straight As still with abuse and hell. He took items of my mother’s. All the children’s stuff, they had no clothing for days. Judge Rowden granted him our stuff yet charged me ridiculously. I didn’t even go in the house. No ticket given but over 100 miles per hour. I find out my attorney was speaking with Terry without my acknowledgement. I was left with all the debt from marriage. His credit is clear. I had no shoes even on my feet. No nothing. Set up to die. I seen my two oldest for 1hr for 2 visits. I haven’t seen my baby daughter, 2nd birthday I missed, son’s 13th I missed. I could only stay in shelter for so long and Craig had my id, social, all and took what he wanted from it. I was left as I am today, homeless. I never appeared in Vienna. I didn’t want to let them get the pleasure to laugh. I can’t get through to social services. 13years my eldest, single strong mother and a meth junkie has my baby. That is not it. I kept them close cause he speaks of molesting children. Even my step son’s mother, he was sexual with while she was in school and maries county allowed it! To beat her, to control her with drugs!! Now my daughter, who now finding out at the end of his child list looks back at 4months old, when she was hurt with social services. I cry, I scream, I am nothing. My children nothing. Nobody cared. They split all my babies up. Ava,7 with a white relative I don’t get along with, hair she can’t do, we have different beliefs in religion. Jakobe,13 was sent to North Carolina. His father he’s seen 1 time in 13 years. He’s a felon, drug dealer and has shot people. Now Alana,2 who’s father is a devil. A pedophile, meth addict, violent drunk, Gage 16 on Nov.10, who texted and said he was sent back to rehab, not for care, but punished cause Craig gives it. This is what’s best. 7years they want on a case Craig admitted he tampered with to set up. I offered a polygraph and denied for my babies, I was beat, and all charges are on me. He has not have 1 for abuse. All he did. If Terry Schartze would of done her job long ago, if the police, his parents who are corrupt. It was never my suffering, it was my babies that deserved justice. Gage, Alana, Ava Jakobe. I had to just breathe to not snap. Feel dead but want life. Need it for them. They did it purposely. Many are corrupt in Maries County. They kill the lives of children for fun. I will fight but my faith knows that this storm is passing. My mother had one friend, Wanda Williams. Christopher Cranes mother. My best friend was Angie Williams. My brother Darrel Weakly (my niece with cancer, her father) was always best friends with Clayton Williams. My cousin Myra, (Brittany’s sister, who cares for her girls) and Emily Williams are best friends. Anna was my daughter Ava’s best buddy. It was why, why the town cared nothing. There family was the only family that was family to us. It was because of name and money. It was a murder. They are murderers. I survived.

    My mother, in the arms of my father in a ditch, death did them their part. I never will see such love, then how he held my mother that day. All sayed that day, was an emotional mess for me. It was my strength to love, it endure, to handle the pain of being left to die in a ditch, by my husband, while my babies watched.

    I shouldn’t have to be “in the crowd” to just live. I would be with my children if this criminal and criminals who help him would be punished. I have taken too much. It’s the grace of God I’m alive.

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  2. Hi. My name is Dan. I’m 40 and gay. Living in the closet for most of my life has left me shy, nervous, and so overly hopeful to have what all of my straight friends have and take for granted. I’ve only in the last few years felt comfortable in my own skin. I only started dating in my mid-late 20s and, unfortunately, out of eagerness and impatience, threw myself into relationships way too soon and way too fast. None of those relationships ended well. Something would always happen. I would catch them doing something,like cyber-cheating and/or hitting on a mutual friend. I’d get angry, tell them why what they did hurt me and they’d promise not to do it anymore. I’d relent. Of course, days or weeks later, they’d do whatever they promised not to, I’d threaten to break up with them, and they’d cry and give me the puppy dog eyes. I’d always fall for it, and keep them in my life. I just couldn’t bare seeing that look on their faces. After enough of this, once they got everything they could, they’d leave me. (Honestly, looking back, it was probably a good thing. They’d pull so much stuff that I’d be afraid to go out for a simple walk, something I loved to do, because I’d be too nervous about what was going on behind my back. Being hurt time and again, my trust has slowly eroded over the years. I’ve lost a lost in past relationships: friends, hobbies, self esteem, money, etc. I feel like I’ve slowly built myself back up, each time, just to get knocked down again.

    I met my most recent ex (B) at work. Funny that he had lived in the area for four years, and his grandmother had been a customer where I work, but I had never seen him, NOT ONCE. When B started working with me, He was weird. He’d say a lot of inappropriate things, and would get in trouble, but would blame it on his autism. I trained him myself, as I saw a lot of potential, and he was friendly enough. I was so used to training people who I felt let things go in one ear and out the other. It was refreshing to teach someone and have them retain what was gone over. He seemed to love working with me. He was meticulous as far as detail, like me. He noticed things that I didn’t. While he was bad with customers, and was very socially awkward, like me to a certain extent, he but was brilliant and seemed to know as much about computers and networking as I did.

    While he “creep”ed me out at first, my boyfriend at the time, (A), knew him from a card shop where they played cards together, and said that he was a nice guy, that I should overlook his social interactions because he was autistic, that he was a great guy, and that I should give him a chance. He even threw in the tidbit that he talked about me a lot and always had good things to say.

    Well, things with A had been disintegrating for a while and while we were technically a couple, we interacted more like friends, and it had been that way for a while, about a year, if I recall. He even suggested that since his interest had waned, but still loved me and wanted to stay together, that I should seek certain elements of the relationship outside of the relationship, something I had been loathe to do. Frankly, until B came along, I felt disgusted by the idea.

    When I finally took advantage of the offer , it was strange. B and I had been becoming increasingly close at work. Strangely, we were both assigned to a lot of the same projects, so we had a lot of time to talk. Well, I invited him to hang out with another friend and me. A few days later, I invited him over by himself. B came over and we watched shows. After they ended, we talked and he told me about how his ex girlfriend, (as he was bisexual,) had hurt him and acted all quiet. I asked if he needed to be held, and he shook his head yes, so I held him and rubbed his back until he stopped shaking and calmed down. It felt so good to know I was comforting him and taking away that pain. I was so turned on, and felt such a connection, and the smile he had was so inviting that I asked if I could kiss him and when he shook his head yes, the rest is history. We spent a lot of time laughing, giggling, touching and “getting to know one another.” Being me, I asked permission and waited to see his facial expression before going further with anything. I didn’t want to do anything if I sensed he’d be uncomfortable with it. (FYI, I felt so guilty that I called A the next day, literally hemmed and hawed, trying to figure out how to say what I needed to, and asked if he had meant what he said. I told him everything that had transpired. He said he was happy for me.)

    The following day, when I had to go to my store to drop something off, B and I and another friend were talking, and he and I were both looking at the ground, shy as hell, and I asked him, with a grin, if he had a good time. He shook his head. Our other friend said it was the cutest thing he had ever seen. I was amazed and relieved at how much like myself he was: shy, awkward, unsure of himself, and not quite sure what to say.

    Two days later B grabs me, like an autistic child, hugs me, laughs, and says “Mine!” Then he put his head down, dropped his posture, stepped back and said “not mine,” indicating sadness that I was still formally in a relationship. I was beginning to have strong feelings for B and wanted to see where things went. Besides, A had been sorta pushing B and I together, suggesting that I invite him to movie nights, take him out on trips, (when A was not available) and even take him to my home town, where I usually only take people I’m serious about.) So, I worked alI summer to end everything the previous relationship with A on a good note. I didn’t want hurt feelings or family animosity. I also wanted to make sure that A wouldn’t be left alone, and would have friends to be with, so he wasn’t alone, once I started officially going out with B. He was autistic himself, and I didn’t just want to get up and leave, especially if he needed me.

    B and my love live was great. The best I ever had. And when small incidences would come up, little positions or whatnot that would bring back bad memories, and I’d feel him tremble or freeze, I’d stop, remove myself, ask if something was wrong, and hold him, scared I may have hurt him. Sometimes we’d stop for the night. Other nights, we’d wait a little while and continue, once I was sure he was comfortable again. On many of those occasions, He’d say that normally he would have left, but he trusted me enough to let me comfort him, when nobody else had the pleasure.

    B acted so innocent and I always felt I had to help him. Because of his autism, he said he could never fully take care of himself, and always needed someone looking over his shoulder to make sure he wasn’t making irresponsible decisions. Well, at work, I did a lot of his work for him, because I loved him and knew he got overwhelmed easily. When frustrated, or things wouldn’t go his way, he’d have mini meltdowns. They’re hard to describe. I defended him when he would anger a customer. I made sure there was extra food in the fridge for him, because he was very absent minded, and always on his phone, not even paying attention to what was around him, that he would forget to bring food. Though, he never forgot to get cigarettes when he needed them. Like I said, I loved beeing there for him and taking care of him. He said to me, and to a mutual friend, that he liked when I made decisions for the two of us, since he was indecisisve. At least, that is what he said.

    B always acted shy and awkward. And that endeared me, as I was the same way. He was as shy as I was, as nervous and unsure as I was, was emotional and sensitive like I was. He was hurt, like I was, so I thought he understood me. He was smart, insightful, and a fellow geek. I could talk to him. Our ideas seemed to bounce off of one another like a ping pong ball. I had such ideas of us working together, hand in hand, doing something with computers. Plus he said little things, random words, which seemed so cute. Plus, his smile, light purr, and whatnot, always made me go awww. The look he would give me, as if me walking into the room was the best thing to have happened to him, always melted my heart and made me feel like a million dollars. I loved him. He said I was his and he was mine. He was everything I wanted, and I was so amazed that a person this perfect for me came into my life and in the way I wanted. (I had always met guys online or through introductions, and always wanted to fall in love over time, in a natural environment. Granted, the relationship and other perks started and advanced quickly, VERY quickly, but I didn’t seem concerned, because I thought we had gotten to know each other sufficiently over the time we worked together.)

    Well, I began seeing B while still hanging out with A for Sunday movie nights, anime nights, and went to a few events with him. Like I said, I wanted to be there for him, even if it was as a friend. AS for B, things were great at first. He talked about me with fellow coworkers all the time. Everything was about what he and I shared, what I did for him, what type of person I am. He loved me. On nights he was over, we’d always have a Dunkins walk. We’d walk down there, and we’d find “our spot” and sit together, him resting his head in my lap while we each read stuff on our respective tablets, him nestling into the crook of my back, while I sat against the wall.

    He was in the military and had to go to school for two months, soon after we started going out. It was odd that all of our coworkers knew about him leaving for two months well before I did. He left for his schooling. Well, we talked on the phone every night. We seemed to have a connection. He was telling me about when we got married, and how he could use some of his military benefits to help me out. As tempting as some of his ideas were, I like taking care of my own problems. Like him, I like being as independent as I can. His ideas were nice, but my mind was reeling on other things. What if he meets someone while gone for so long? Being in the military, are there going to be long periods I wont get to see him and could I handle that? Well, he always talked about the possibility of going from reserve to active duty, which always made those fears all the greater. I can’t imagine that he didn’t know that. He would come up with vague ideas of how we could make due, but he never seemed interested in figuring out the details.

    Things with B weren’t all roses in certain ways. Not in the way you’d expect. He was always nice, and we never actually fought, in person. Though, I always had to fight to try and find nights we could spend together, both before and after his two months away. It never made sense. There was always a reason why he probably couldn’t come over, and he felt one or two nights a week was enough. I wanted to spend at least three nights a week with him, since we didn’t get much other time to talk, and he’d always come over in the later evening, so there wouldn’t be much time for things anyway. So getting those few nights always felt like such a major victory. He lived with his grandparents, and always had obligations to them. And since he was helping them pack up their house for a move, in April, he had to help with that. So, he couldn’t come over. Though, I never understood it, as he lived 15 min away, one town over, and they always finished chores and eating by 8:00 – 9:00. He could have come over any time, if he really wanted to. Then there were the times he was too tired after work, or “fell asleep in the car on the way home,” so figured he was too exhausted to come over. Never mind his grandparents could have dropped him off or I could have come and picked him up. He always had to leave first thing in the morning, even on days off, because his grandmother “wanted him home.” The worst was when he said he couldn’t come over because his grandmother wanted him to stay to make sure he was taking his cold medication. He was so stubborn about putting anything in his body other than food and nicotine.

    Other strange things would happen. During the summer, 2016, like I had said, while he was in the military, he was at school for two months. This was still pretty early in the relationship. He was off at school and couldn’t take care of a lot of stuff at work, since he couldn’t have his phone during the day and the store was closed at night, so I handled things for him. I talked to him every night. However, regardless of whatever else, his classmates told him I was clingy, and he always told me how they said I was controlling and how he should break up with me. At least that is what HE told ME. What was I supposed to do, since I had never met any of them, and had no way to give them my side of the story. I know I had a few personality issues. I would get frustrated easily and would sometimes just vent. I tended to make mountains out of mole hills. I was a bit repetitive with reminders and such. I was so afraid of abandonment that I wanted to talk to him as much as possible. I knew about that things, and had been trying to fix them.

    (One night, we had a terrible fight after we had planned a skype session. I messaged him and while he said he replied, I never saw it. So, I never got back to him. So, rather than wait for me, or call me, to find out why I didn’t answer his text, he went out with his classmates to a bar. When he called later, he was so drunk I could barely understand him. He asked if I wanted him to go back to base to talk. I told him to do what he thought was right, as I was not his keeper and that was up to him. Later, he said that he had been waiting for me to ask, and would have gone back the moment I did. If I had asked, according to him, it would have averted the argument. I got so angry. I mean, after the initial fight, he ended the call. At that point, I couldn’t reach him until 2:00 in the morning, by which time I have no idea what happened.) After that fight, he gave me a three day total silent treatment. (This wasn’t a one time occurrence. He ditched me on at least two other separate nights (which we had set aside for special skype sessions,) and let his classmates talk him into going out drinking. I’d get mad, we’d get into a fight, he’d get teary eyed, and all his classmates would hear was his upset voice on the other end of the line, and they never knew or appreciated what was actually going on. To protect him from me, they took his phone and plied him with more drinks for the rest of the night.

    He gave me a three day silent treatment and then called me on the phone the third night, literally beginning the conversation with, “Hi hon,” as if nothing in the world had happened. He said that I was so bad that that was the only way he could make the point. (Funny that while my friends are slightly irked with me sometimes, none of them ever thought I was that bad.) However, as long as I worked on those personality aspects, everything was fine. I apologized and came up with ways that I could work on things and if/when I might regress, every once in a while, he would let me know, so I could watch for and correct the behaviors. I tried my best and thought I was doing a good job. I mean, I didn’t want things to end on my account.

    Also, as far as disagreements go, we would have arguments about things that were inconsequential. One time, I wanted him to bring over something that I wanted to use, that we had used a few times. He said it was broke, didn’t feel it was safe, and was throwing it out. I said that if he was going to throw it out anyway, that he could just give it to me. I knew what was wrong, was pretty engineering, had worked with items in worse shape, and was willing to take the risk. His voice became that of someone who was telling someone they were keeping something back for your own good. I felt like a small child, and a small disagreement turned into a yelling match over the phone pretty quickly. There were a few little incidences like that, looking back in hindsight. EVery time, I’d say to myself, “How did this become a fight?”

    His grandmother always seemed to be some source of interference. I never spoke to her directly about this, and just got things through him. Apparently, the grandparents were old fashioned. That explained why, while he came over and spent nights at my place, I could never spend nights at his. Plus, it felt like pulling teeth getting a dinner invite, and even on those occasions he prepped me and said that we shouldn’t show affection because his grandfather wouldn’t like it. He said that they needed to get to know me. I said that that was his fault, as he never invited me over, to meet them. He replied, saying he didn’t understand my complaints as they “had” given me an “open invite.” He knew I was shy, raised by a very conservative and old fashioned grand father, and was always the type to need a real invitation. I’ve always felt uncomfortable just walking in, and he knew that. It was like an invitation that he knew I wouldn’t accept, and then made a deal of saying, “but we did invite you over.”

    As far as the good times we did spend together, I thought they were nice. We spent a weekend together after he came back from school last September. I took him on a weekend trip to my home town. We went out to a movie with a friend of mine, out of state. We shared a lot and had a lot of good times, or so I thought. I cleared a good portion of my room out for him, so he could have his own space when he was over, so we could each do our own thing and he cold have his “ME” time. He even left his PS4 and gaming computer there, and I set it all up on my desk, so he could feel like he was at home. Though, when he was over, he would read fanfiction on his phone or go out for periods for smokes. I asked if that was alone time and if I should stay in and let him have his space. He said yes. So, I respected that. And he would always be texting people. He even texted his ex, the one who hurt him so bad.

    As far as the move he was helping his grandparents with, he was originally supposed to move with them. However, once we became close, he planned on moving in with me when they moved. That way, he didn’t have to transfer stores and would not have to leave me. However, whenever I tried to work out the exact details, he’d always derail things and would put it off. I was scared that nothing would get planned, he would move off, and we would completely lose contact. I that would have happened, it would have been better than what actually happened. And when I’d harp on it, and would get too inquisitive, I was over-analyzing things, making too big a deal. And soon I found that I was being too controlling, demanding of his time , when he only came over two or three nights a week, and was only there late at night.

    Christmas came and that became a big deal as well. Since I didn’t feel welcomed at his place, I wanted him to treat my place like ours. We decorated, put up ornaments, and played carols and watched Christmas shows. I thought he was having as much fun as me. As far as Christmas with his grandparents, He made it sound like such a big deal that he was able to talk his grandparents into letting me come over just for Christmas dinner. (I wasn’t family, and they didn’t know me, so I couldn’t come over for Christmas Eve for gift giving. I had said that I didn’t care about gifts. I just wanted to be with him. I understood they didn’t know me and didn’t expect a gift.) So, we had to come up with alternate plans. He avoided it until close to the holiday. Finally, two weeks before the holidays, he said that there might be a problem. I might have to spend Christmas alone. Well, I called a friend and got an invite. Almost immediately, he went on about how I didn’t give him enough time, didn’t trust him, and that I hadn’t waited long enough, how he worked it out now, and how he wanted to spend Christmas with me. I was at such a loss, because now I had to work things out with my longtime friend to make sure she didn’t think I had asked her because I had no better options. Well, I did come over for Christmas dinner. We ended up having to have our own Christmas Eve the night before. (I went out of my way to get his a vintage chess set and Go set, since he loves puzzles. I got him a game for his DS, which he spent all Christmas day playing, instead of talking to me.)

    We spent the holidays together, Christmas and New Years, and only days after, after a night we spent together intimately, he got sick. Little did I know that that was the end. He had to cancel out on a night because his grandmother wanted to make sure he took his medications, since he was stubborn and didn’t like putting things in his body. Well, a one night thing became a cold he had to get over. He said he would be online to chat, since we might not see each other while he was sick. I didn’t understand. He could have just had me come over. I’d have loved to come over and take care of him, and be company for him, so he didn’t have to be home, sick and alone, but the situation with his backward grandparents made that impossible. Within days, the situation changed into not wanting to deal with anything outside the house, (with being sick, stress from work, stress over an upcoming military drill weekend, and stress helping with the move,) and he yelled at me for expecting he’d want to chat with me. He seemed to forget telling me that he would be online specifically to chat with me.

    With the exception of one night, when he was silly and grabbed me, and walked with me going shopping, I never spent any more time with him. He began avoiding me at work. He wouldn’t answer calls, texts, or messages. He wouldn’t talk to me in the break room. He acted like we didn’t know one another, much less were lovers. I was scared, hurt, and desperately worried Id lose him, the perfect guy for me. One day I had to leave work to go on a break early, so I could go out to my car to break down in tears. He never once asked if I was ok. I was so upset, hurt, befuddled, and bewildered at the change in treatment, that I did everything I could do to try and find out what the problem was. For my efforts, I was painted by him to others as obsessive. I think anyone would have been, if they had gone from the love of someone’s life to something less than dirt on the floor.

    He did mention that his grandmother was really angry with me. I was at his place the afternoon of Christmas Day, and spent a good portion of the afternoon, after dinner, waiting for him to finish with his video game so that we could spend some time on Christmas together. I had forgot to bring my copy of A Christmas Story, so I downloaded it for us. I thought I was pretty clear when I yelled out that I had forgotten it and would get it off the net. Well, according to him, his grandparents got an ISP letter a few days later because of my download. His grandmother freaked, according to him, said I had violated their trust, and that while he was an adult and could go out with me if he wanted, I wasn’t trusted or allowed over to their place any longer. Again, this all came from him, not the grandparents. I wanted to talk to them, but nothing ever came of that wish.

    Well, I pleaded with him to talk to me. Were we still together? What was happening between us? I just wanted some clarity and understanding and not to be left standing there not knowing anything. Every time I would try to touch on the subject of us, he’d wave his hands, go into an autistic meltdown, and act like I was crushing him with the biggest stress factors in his life. All I wanted was an answer. He said I’d be the first to hear from him when things cleared us. A few weeks later I was walking to a coffee shop, walked past the card shop and saw him there. I went in, thought he’d be happy to see me, thought I was surprised he didn’t contact me if he was well enough to go out, and tried to talk to him. He went ballistic, acted like I was harassing him, and walked out of the card shop in a huff. (Later on, a few friends who were there, who had heard the whole thing, said that they thought I was right and given everything, he should have given me at least a few minutes of his time, so that I could understand what was going on.) He came back later. I apologized for bothering him and asked if he would come to Dunkins and just sit and talk with me for a few minutes, since I was going out of my mind wondering what was up.

    Well, days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. I never heard from him, except for the occasional talk at work. Though, for all of the ways he acted he wanted nothing to do with me, he would always do things like put his stuff near mine, leave a toy that was special and that I gave him hanging from the mirror of his truck, and lots of other little mixed signals. When a mutual friend inquired about us, he said that for at least a few months, he and I were done. He never said we were done formally. He never said that at all. To this day, I have yet to hear, directly from him, that we broke up, or that things were over. (Honestly, if I hadn’t pushed him, I wouldn’t have gotten any answer and would still be wondering if we were together and if he’d ever be cohesive enough to continue where things left off. I guess I just didn’t realize how little I meant to him.) He walked around the store entirely emotionless, as if we never meant anything to one another. Nothing I did for him, none of the special times we spent together, none of the things he had said or promises seemed to mean anything to him. I went from 100 to 0 in a matter of days. I was lost and heart broken.

    Well, the months went by. However, he would never come and get his stuff, though I would repeatedly ask him. He always peppered his answer with something to the effect of, “Well, I’m not sure if I’ll have to move with them or if I’ll be able to stay here,” and made it sound like there was hope he’d be back.

    I finally cornered him in the break room one day and asked for some sort of explanation. He gave me a five minute explanation that was all him talking, and that really answered nothing. He wasn’t ready for a relationship. Apparently, nor was I. There were little things I did that I did without even thinking about them, which bothered him, yet he never said what those things were. (What happened to telling me when I was assuming my old behaviors and being there for me as long as I was making a conscious and discernible effort to correct them?) He said that he had too much stress, had to figure himself out, had to figure “things” out, and that I shouldn’t wait for him. So, while I wasn’t ready for a relationship, I shouldn’t wait for him if the chance for one came up. How much sense does that make? Well, he got the benefit of being able to tell people that he had talked with me, without having to really tell me anything.

    Well, April, the time of the move came. He came on the day before they moved to grab his stuff. He brought two scary relatives. Apparently he, who had military training, was scared of me, all 120 lbs of me, who had never physically threatened anyone. I was shocked. And he brought them in to my place without even asking me. He never looked up, or said anything. He took his stuff and left, and didn’t say goodbye. I left him a card, one last effort to show him how I felt, and I don’t know if he even opened it, much less read it.

    Finally, to add one last bullet to the array he had shot at me, the day they moved, he came in to pick up his check (funny, as I could have gone into the office and gotten it for him a day before, while he was still on shift, but he said it wasn’t necessary.) When he came in to get it, he was talking with a coworker, loud enough that I could hear, and said that he better leave before a certain person knew he was there. Hearing that, and not a goodbye, as the last live words uttered from his mouth, hurt the most. After having him turn on me, 180 degrees, and go from loving me and promising he cared for and would never hurt me, to doing everything he could to hurt me, (including talking to my friends in the break room and engaging them in conversation, while completely excluding me.)

    It’s months later, and I’m still at a loss as to what happened. I blamed the grandparents. I thought they had poisoned his mind. I defended his behavior every which way, trying to convince myself that he couldn’t have really felt that way, which would have meant he never loved me at all. It had to be something else. Then, I began finding the articles on narcissism and things finally made sense.

    Well, that is my story. I am finally starting to feel happy again. I don’t spend every waking moment of every day questioning myself, wondering what I had done, and what I could have done differently. I thought I was the problem, that I was too controlling, too clingy, too possessive. Honestly, I believed those things. Though, I was seriously working on them, and had had a number of major test issues come up to test my reserves, which I handled exceptionally well. And he had always said that he loved me and that as long as I realized there was a problem and was working on it, that was fine with him. Though, back to the lighter note, I am actually hanging with friends again, not going to bed early just to not have to be awake, I’m not just sitting for hours doing nothing because I don’t know what to do with myself or how to handle the pain. I’m back into my interests, and am felling a bit better, and have actually, but slowly, been taking care of money and other issues in my life. I feel a mixture of sadness and regret, wondering what happened, yet feel like I’m starting to climb back into my own skin again.

    Anyway, I”m sorry that this was so long, however this is the first time I’d sharing this story, in its entirety, on a public forum. I hope you can all forgive me for the length.

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  3. I am in the midst of a very emotional abusive relationship, and I am drained I want to leave and I just don’t know where to begin. The things he has done to me and even my kids are actually If was not serious they are bizarre.
    He never takes responsibility not says sorry for anything and over all people can’t stand him nor want to walk egg shells with him around , I know I need away I keep waiting until my youngest is about 17 before I will do that , is that’s wrong though ? At this point he has rubbed off on both Children and I feel guilty for that . Worst mistake my life.

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  4. Unfortunately, I am sure my story is no different than anyone else’s. After having spent 17 years in long term relationships, I spent a couple of years single. I met Xxxxxx through a mutual associate and at that time had no desire to go on a date with him. I ended up hearing from him and finally agreed to hang out one night. He was persistent, and I thought, what do I have to lose? He impressed me because he was the polar opposite of my previous boyfriends – had his own car, his own place, his own money, didn’t touch any drugs at all. Initially, he made it clear he did not want an actual relationship, just a friends with benefits situation which I was perfectly happy with.

     

    As the weeks went by, he would start making what I think of as ‘baiting’ comments, such as “it’s not like we’re dating” and I would always play it cool, recognizing the manipulation but unsure of how to handle it. He would often try to make me jealous by talking about all of the girls who are interested in him, but since we weren’t dating I didn’t press the issue.  There were several more weeks of him saying things like “I never let anyone meet my family”, “You’re the only person I let drive my car”, “You’re the only girl I’ve let sleep over in years”, “I must really like you” etc, etc. During the first few months of seeing each other he ended things with me twice, but had reached out to me within the week for us to talk things out.  We finally agreed that we were in a relationship, and started seeing each other very frequently (5/7 days). I would get text messages from him all day – good morning ones, good night ones, random updates throughout the day. He seemed thoughtful and considerate. He would tell me how he loved me and that he hadn’t felt that way in a very long time. He would tell me how proud he was of me.  He would bring up children (though he knows I can’t/won’t have any), he would occasionally bring up moving in together or ask if I’d wear a ring. He would offer to give me money or buy me things (which I refused to accept).

     

    What I wasn’t thinking about was how all of our time together was on his terms – when it suited him, where it suited him. 

    I wasn’t thinking about how jealous he had become, constantly accusing me of talking to other guys (to the point where I changed my number and closed my Facebook so no male friends could contact me). 

    I was not thinking about how he would accuse me of sleeping with my best friend’s teenage son.

    I wasn’t thinking about the fact that he still tried to make me jealous by talking about all of the women who are interested in him.

    I wasn’t thinking about the fact that he was hypocritical – he could have female friends but I could not have male friends. 

    I wasn’t thinking about how he hit on every single friend I had introduced him to. 

    I wasn’t thinking of how he would say things like “when we break up I hope you make good choices in your next boyfriend”.

    I wasn’t thinking of how he would dangle a future in front of me and then take it back, like planning a vacation and then saying he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go with me. 

    I wasn’t thinking of the fact that he has no friends.

    I wasn’t thinking of the fact that his relationship with his mom and grandmother were odd (his grandmother had once told him he was too good looking to be arguing with a girl, his mom would lie to cause fights between him and I). 

    I wasn’t thinking of the fact that he is obsessed with his image, always asking if he was good looking, good in bed, had a nice car, who else lived a lifestyle like he does etc.

    I wasn’t thinking of all the awful confessions he made about his past – I am not sure what was true and what was not. 

    I wasn’t thinking about how much he wanted to compare himself to my exes, and would get angry when I didn’t want to.

    I wasn’t thinking about his strange obsession with very specific details of my previous sexual encounters and would get angry when I didn’t want to share.

    I wasn’t thinking about how I constantly had to reassure him of my feelings and what I thought of him and that I always had to make him feel special.

    I wasn’t thinking about his manipulative ‘test’ questions that he would ask. I would sometimes deliberately answer them ‘incorrectly’ and he would tell me that was not the answer he wanted. Even so far as to say I was checking too many ‘No’ boxes on his list.

    I wasn’t thinking about how he would pick a fight over the most inconsequential things – such as not asking him to go for a cigarette with me when he had company over, even though he doesn’t smoke. 

    I wasn’t thinking of how every fight ended with him telling me to leave, or that we were over. 

    I wasn’t thinking of him slapping me in the face twice.

    I wasn’t thinking about him telling me he was going to kill me and to say goodbye to my sister and then pulling a knife and coming at me with it. He claims what saved me was that I believe in Jesus and he had prayed on it. Had I have said I didn’t believe, he would have cut my throat.

    I wasn’t thinking there is something incredibly wrong here.

    I wasn’t thinking about how much blame I took for all the relationship issues.

    I wasn’t thinking of how anxious I was all of the time or how much crying I was doing.

    I wasn’t thinking about how much of myself I was losing to be with him.

    I didn’t consider walking away. In my mind, I was convinced that since he didn’t resort to yelling or name-calling, I was overreacting. Even when it escalated to the point where he was physically violent with me and genuinely threatened to kill me, I didn’t run.

    When you read that, it sounds like it must have gone on for a couple of years at least. Nope. Seven months. Just seven short months.

     

    When I look back, I realize the ‘relationship’ fell apart very quickly once he realized I genuinely loved him and that I was willing to change certain things about my life to appease him (incredibly stupid on my part). Once the big things, like changing my phone number, were out of the way he had nothing more to ask from me, so he picked a fight about something minor. That escalated and he broke up with me, telling me he is 100% done. He did say he would drop off my stuff (a very small amount of property) when he had a chance. It’s been 3 weeks and nothing.

     

    Hindsight being what it is, I now realize he is a full blown narcissist, if not actually sociopathic (based on what he has told me of his past and his violence towards me). My issue is that even though logically I know that I am better off without him and that I would likely have ended up even more damaged than this short relationship made me, if not injured or dead, I still miss him. I miss the sex and affection. I am still hurting, obsessing and waiting for a phone call or text message that will not come. I am so upset and disappointed in myself, I was always a strong, independent woman even though I am caring and empathetic. I would like to know where I have gone.

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  5. Mark Handberg Howett

    The hidden sides of my GF:
    First of all, thanks for taking your time to read my story and sharing your thoughts (if you’ve got some).
    I see this as an opportunity to let people who are experienced with narcissists, know about my girlfriend, Natacha. I do not know for sure if she’s a true (covert) narcissist despite having heard and read quite a bit about it. I might be biased and not seeing things like others would. I’ll tell you a little about her and us and list the main red flags I’ve come across. I’d like to hear what you think.

    Natacha (28) and I (30) have been in a relationship for about 2½ years, technically. In that time period we,mostly her, have broken up several times for short and longer periods, mainly after heavy arguments.
    We originally got in contact through a datingsite where she reached out to me. We very quickly got to know a lot about each other. From the start she was extremely open, emotional and talked A LOT about herself. That has never really changed since then.
    I got to know that she had lost her biological father at age 5 (traffic accident) and stephdad at age 23 (suicide). She was still struggling with both loses and talked a lot about them both. Both men were very loving and caring,but had personality issues with anger and drug abuse. Her mother, which still lives, has had mental issue for many years and has not been able to have a job in almost 10 years. She btw is the most narcissistic person I’ve ever met in my life, incredibly selfish. Ironicly she was the one, who once said to me “I believe my daugther is a narcissist” That’s more than a year ago. It never stroke me before she said that. But ever since, I’ve been studying the subject and looked more into Natacha’s patterns, which I only felt were strange and selfish. I could not explain what was wrong.
    The red flags goes like this:

    . She’s got extremely low self esteem
    . Can not tolerate any criticism what so ever
    . Talks about herself all the time, shows very little interest in others when it comes to listening and asking questions.
    . Very concerned about her image, she’s a sells person at a furniture store but thinks she deserves to be “more than that”. She’s the lone responsible for the bed area, but when asked what she does for a living, she replies, she’s the local boss for the store (technically true).
    . Likes to have power, would like to be a real boss one day, possibly in the military
    . Pays a great deal of attention to her looks. Takes many selfies almost daily, but says it’s just for picture editing purposes which she loves.
    . Always explains herselfs, finds excuses for her bahavior
    . Likes to point out how healthy a selfish behavior can be and that she’s forgotten to think about herself. When askes about what she would change about herself if she could, she replied “Think more about myself”.
    . Repeats the same stories often like when she saved her friend from alcohol addiction or when people with higher statuses gave her compliments.
    . Has had alcoholic tendencies without really admitting it despite 6 different experts I contacted said so. “They don’t understand, they only hear your side of the situation. I was just bored and I like beer a lot”. According to her, most of the issues we had about drinking was because of me being way to worried and taking contact to those experts.
    . Doees not read or listen to any news. What’s going on in the world around her is generally boring to her.
    . She craves dopamine, tends to become angry when she doesn’t get pleasure from cigarettes, alcohol, food,buying clothes and attention.
    . Sees things very much in black and white. Even when I as a physical therapist can explain some of her common physical symptoms, she does not want to hear them and finds her own explanation. “It’s because of my PMS that I’m mad, you should try to understand women more, many women can’t even work when they’ve got PMS”
    . Invests her energy in the few people who give her huge amounts of attention and compliments
    . Does not respect others peoples boundaires that much (like when she continued to smoke in the car once when I had a bad throat) or when I said no to having sex in her moms bed at her house when she was asleep. “Your the first boyfriend who ever denied that!”.
    . Struggles with anxiety but still craves risky impulsive behavior – lacks stimuli according to herself as well.
    . Tends to brag – like “I was to top sails person again today, I sold for xxx money” or “I told you I was right!, don’t underestimate my intelligence”
    . Has a very imbalanced emotional behavior – can go from saying the nicest things to me to flat out rage over a smaller issue in a very short time frame. Often explains herself like “I’m not mad,I’m just very sad and I react to it”.
    . Often carries nail if a person has hurt her feelings
    . Tends to criticize people a lot. Sees the bad in people more than the positive.
    . Has problems with athority, does not like when others tell her what to do
    . Has had an old flame for years and once in our relationship she wrote a love mail to him telling him how much she loved him (when she was drunk). Appoligized to me, cut contact with him, but later took up (phone) contact again saying he made her happy and he was just a really good friend. The guy himself thinks she’s being disrespectful to me, but she does not agree. Personally it’s a bit too much for me as well.
    . She earlier had a problem with me having a female friend, that I never felt anything for, but perhaps had feelings for me. I felt I had no choice but to brake all contact with her, since I felt I would loose Natacha otherwise. She absolutely denies it was like that and how it was handled was my fault.
    . At times she talks about marrige, future together and other times she does not want intimacy at all and almost no talking saying she’s tired.
    ..at those same periods she seems very irritable and tends to get on me for even minor things I do “wrong”.
    . She also has a history of drama with many people including her parents, friends, colleages, boyfriends and a few costomers.
    . According to her, her previous relationship problems were based on lack of understanding for her needs,same with our current.
    . Thinks of herself as very misunderstood, talented, a fighter and victim of her past.
    . Thinks of me as weak in some ways when I put too much energy into my physical injuries, my dads alzheimers, my moms depression. Makes it sound like I’m a very difficult, selfish and immature person to be around – the exact things I would say she is.
    . She tends to attack me with things I do wrong despite she does those things herself vry often – “you don’t visit me at work very much” even though I visit her a lot more than vice versa.
    .Very intelligent and smart, thinks a lot about situations and how she “performed in them”
    . Natacha herself has recently admitted she think she has a depression.
    . Has talked several pshychologists thoughout her life. According to her mom, she was not always honest with them.
    . Has a mask she wears when other people than I are around. Therefore she seems really charming, energetic and positive.
    . Lost that mask when I friend of mine (that she dislikes) visited us. He for that reason no longer wants to see her.
    . She’s got mainly two types of friends – 1. the very carring and understanding people 2. a few who are very selfish, childish and agressive themselves who she liked to party with.
    . Wants to be the chef of all planning. Despite criticizing me for not planning enough she will often not accept my “offers” like sex, movie choices and playing games and so.
    . Criticizes me for not asking her out on big trips despite I could not afford it.
    . Thinks that most men understimate women and have lost their ability to be a gentleman and a tarzan at the same time and know what women wants.
    . She craves being center of attention. Can dominate conversations a lot and blames me for being too quiet even if she cuts me off and talks all the time. Has reached the conclusion that I’m not interested in her friends since I’ve been so quite around them – not true. She has been very quitet and non interested in talks around my before mentioned friend, which she thinks is totally fine.

    I realize that I’m very good at making my GF sound like a very bad person. No wonder several of my friends and family dislikes her – but I do think some of her tendecies are very narcissistic and selfish, so I just wanted to hear your thoughts about that. Some of you might say, why do you even doubt she’s a narc? Because she does have the ability to show real empathy. She can feel sorry for me and others – just not when her own needs are in jepardy. She’s very focused on getting what she wants and when.

    Again thanks for your time.

    Mark

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  6. hello my name is Paul Kris i also dated a narcissistic her name tarrah bailey for three years i had known her longer we were best friends for ten so when we fell in love it felt perfect. but it didn’t talk long for her to start telling lies she seems she would always fight and leave mad when i needed her the most she would use that time to cheat on me when she came home she would turn it around and make it my fault. she would use guilt to keep me there i would almost get ready to leave and some how she always made me stay. The last year she totally drained me from every direction. she use to stonewall me some times for weeks when she done that i gave into her game and i would steady text her to come back and talk about what it was that would bother her. well this last time she left she did the same i caught her in lies and she hung up the phone so i did what i knew to do and sent her lots of messages to come and talk she lied to everyone made me seam crazy even called the police on false charges put a protection order against me and has had me arrested 6 times all this because i called her out on her lies it really is destroying when a narcissist is done with you

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  7. I finally found the strength to break up with my emotionally abusive first boyfriend ever. A month later I met up with a friend who comes for the summer. He, his sister, and her boyfriend met me and my friend at a local bar. Over the course of a week we hung out a lot and his sister’s boyfriend was extremely interested in me and had no problem showing it to everyone. After 2 weeks of desperately trying to be with me, I caved ( although I thought I would have never done that to another female). I was never attracted to him at first, but it was as if he took all the pain and insecurity I had away. The rest of the summer was amazing, I couldn’t believe something so great had happened to me. He convince me to move back to Seattle with him and I did. It was the worst/ best thing I ever did.
    Over the course of 4 years he….
    -Turned me into a meth addict (I know I am responsible, but hard to explain.)
    – isolated me from my family
    -Turned everyone against me, made sure I didn’t have friends
    -made me believe I was going crazy
    – controlled my finances and tried to get me fired from every job
    -Cheated on me with men, women, and transsexual (didn’t find out until the end and would have NEVER thought )
    -planted drugs in my suitcase when I was traveling to my sister’s wedding
    -ignored my concerns of emotional abuse
    -Withheld sex and made me feel worthless
    -Had a full blown porn ADDICTION
    -Critisized everything I did by “helping or teaching ” me
    -Lied to my family
    -Stalked me
    I could go on forever…
    It was the definition of suffering…

    During this time of pain, I found god, gained confidence in myself, learned my strength, became accountable and aware of myself and the reasons I was going through this, and started to love myself. I finally had life in me after a lifetime of suffering. I am so thankful for this experience.

    Although I take it day by day and still find myself thinking, calling, and loving him, I am getting stronger and stronger everyday.

    For anyone trying to help or change their narcisst, be aware that I was the most compassionate and understanding I could have ever been. I put myself in his perception and never judged him. I tried to understand and help him for years, they don’t want help.

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  8. ARGUING WITH MY EX NARC/ DEVIL

    I was writing a comment and just kept typing & typing. Feels good to get it out. Hope someone reads my experience.

    Our arguments got loud most times, more than others. They got me to the point of me being down on my knees in the kitchen hitting the kitchen tiles as hard as I could, crying uncontrollably or in the laundry, in the ground, banging my head on the washing machine with my hands covering, squeezing my ears. I didn’t care about hurting myself doing this I just didn’t want to hear his voice torture me anymore.

    He fucking enjoyed it so much.

    Before getting to the point of insanity, I repeatedly told him, don’t get me really upset, stop, stop, stop, repeatedly, he knew I was getting there, he would grin or laugh & proclaim how crazy I am & proceed with his vile words and ludacris accusations which made me more & more angry, insane & wanting to die.

    I don’t know if they were panic attacks or just me not wanting to breath anymore, but I was over the bathroom sink gasping for air, dry mouth & getting increasingly dizzy, my hands were shaking & hands & arms were getting pins and needles & I could hear him right there yelling at me, but couldn’t hear words anymore. I put my hand up towards him in a STOP gesture, he would just hit my hand down to the sink, hard, while my head is in the sink, gasping for air.

    When I was at that point (almost every argument for a few months, weekly, up until it was over) he did not let up, but instead hitting my hand down, I thought I would die of panic attack or if I put my head up to try & control my breathing he would hit my head back down into the sink. I didn’t know what the fuck to do.

    All this happened so very fast, the entire arguments lasted between 1-3 hours, but it felt like I was in the sink for all that time, losing breath, too scared to move. The arguments always started the same, something so small, like, I forgot to take the bin out, I’m sorry (“HOW COULD I!! HOW DUMB AM I FOR FORGETTING”) or the MALE neighbour knocked & left our mail at the door (of course he would accuse me of fucking every male in our street) & they always ended the same too.

    It always ended there in the bathroom, with him walking out & driving away for anywhere upto 10min to overnight. 10min absence was never enough for us to be in the same vicinity.
    Overnight drove me fucking nuts as I knew while I was at home, in disbelief once again of what happened, he was out, fucking another girl. Occasionally I would hear him get in the house & he would go to the couch early in the evening. Those times I knew I could rest easy & he would of course be absolutely fine in the morning. Like nothing happened.

    This was our routine. A weekly occurrence.

    When he was no longer in the bathroom, hurling abuse at me, I was able to rest my head & mouth under the cold tap water for as long as I could breath normally again, and eventually open my eyes again. I would stay there in silence & turn the tap off & take time to ensure that he was definitely gone, definitely no noise, before going outside to have a ciggarette then quickly to the kitchen for water as I always retreated in the bedroom until the next day, too afraid to come out, especially if he had come home.

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  9. 1 week ago yesterday I was granted my permanent 4 year restraining order. I brought a witness (the only friend I have left), I also brought pictures of bruises and cuts I had obtained from him. The judge never even asked to see the pics or meet my witness. He showed up to plead his case 20 minutes late , he had to be told by the courtroom sheriffs twice no stop interrupting me while I spoke. When he spoke he slandered me, humiliated me and flat out lied about me. I think he sealed his own fate when the judge (who was reading from my statement in the temporary restraining order that described the abuse I went threw) asked him about a fight when I was 8 months pregnant with our now 3 yr old daughter, in which while screaming at me he grabbed my nipple and twisted it hard – she asked his version of it and he said “that was more of a she should shut up thing and not abuse” was maybe what convinced her to grant it. Or maybe it was when he tried to convince her that when he pushed me into a wall and caused a complete separation of my shoulder that I jumped into the wall and caused it myself because I’m so dramatic. Or maybe it was when he told her I never worked in the 6 years we were together when I was just at work the day before that and have worked as much as I could all 6 years until he would always somehow make it impossible for me to even go to work. Maybe she decided it when he said I didn’t even want to live at the home we lived together in because I always wanted to go live with my ex husband (who I have 2 sons with and have stayed close with as I didn’t have other family) when in reality the truth was that I’ve had to flee my home literally countless times because he was drunk and ranting and raging and breaking thinks and throwing me around and verbally abusing all of us in such an evil, cruel and viscous way that I had never (even in movies) seen the like of. Like the night he woke my sons up at 2 am and made them go to me to tell me what a bitch and horrible mother I am (in that incident I had to run to a neighbor and wake her up w me and my sons on her porch so I could use her phone to call my ex husband for help because my abuser had taken my phone). He has broken I think 7 or 8 phones of mine in rages. He has taken my phone away along with my keys so I couldn’t escape or get help literally countless times. Only 1 time did he hit me, he punched me in the face and broke my nose. Only once did he choke me and it happened to be when I was holding our then 2 month old baby. He says those are the only times he abused me. He says all the countless times he threw me around, pushed me around, dragged me around by my arms, legs, clothing, hoods and hair don’t count as abuse because he didn’t actually strike me. He never drinks anything other than alcohol. He wakes in the middle of the night and first thing in the morning to drink. He has stole my money and my medications. He has verbally abused me to the point that it physically hurt many, many times. He has dumped beers over my head while laughing at me and he has whipped many a beer can at me. He has broken countless items. He has even hocked up phlegm and spit it in my face. He has tried on many occasions to convince me that not even God wants me. He has many times compared me to previous girlfriends saying how much better looking they are, how much better their bodies were and how much better sexually they were. He regularly calls me bitch, retard, useless, good for nothing and a horrible mother. He forced me to have people in our home and at times to live w us that were bad, messed up people. He’s had his mother, brother, and a handful of his friends scream and yell at me as well. And all of the things I have just typed he has done (at various times) in front of others and sadly sometimes my children. I don’t know why I allowed any of this. While typing this I can’t help but feel like a joke that I stayed thru 6 years of this. Also I’ve read a lot of people like him being unfaithful. While I’ve never been able to prove it I have no doubt at all that he’s never been faithful to me. He’s used my phone to contact his ex (who slandered me, stalked me at work) when she showed up at my work she was with a male companion and all my abuser cared about in that situation was about the guy she was with. He was jealous. Nevermind I was being stalked. Shortly after that incident his same ex sent a message to my phone (while I was enjoying watching my children play at a restaurant) asking why he was so jealous of the man she brought to my work to stalk me (she obviously believed it to be his phone). When I asked him about this he accused me of calling / stalking her (which I had not done). Once I was sitting watching tv and I heard a womans voice yelling his name outside our house, when I looked to see who it was – a neighborhood prostitute wearing my clothes. Theres a lot more stories like that each one more hurtful and humiliating than the last. And he till this day defends all these things, saying that I’m crazy, the real abuser, trying to control and mother him (that comes from all the times hes disappeared, came home hours late or not at all and through all of them using my vehicle and phone to do this to me). He has left me sitting at work (you know the job I never had in the whole 6 years he’s known me) for hours. He even once pushed me out of my own vehicle and drove off w my phone and purse and left me, actually now that I think about it he did that twice. He has only had 1 job that lasted 3 months since I’ve known him. Other than that he’s had construction under the table side jobs but it’s not at all uncommon for him not to work for weeks and sometimes months at a time. He has made this restraining order an impossible situation. It took me a whole week to get him out and as odd as it is he wound up calling the police on me while screaming that it’s not my house and because I got tro I wasn’t allowed there. He knew I had an order w his removal but yet still thought he could call the police on me and have me removed. Instead they removed him. He hid in the house when the sheriffs came to serve him with it. The local police wouldn’t help me. I know it was stupid of me to go there cuz he is dangerous, but the only answers I kept getting from law enforcement was that they could only help me if I was in the home and called. Part of this was due to him not going to the door when they tried to serve him and the other part was due to the fact that he had taken all my house keys away and I couldn’t simply unlock the door for the law enforcement. So finally I did it and went in there. I had to cuz I had tried to file one him 3 years ago after being choked and punched in the face and that time he successfully dodged them and never got served and I got sucked back into another 3 years of hell and also the fact that he had ran me and our 3 year old out 9 days earlier with only the clothes on our back and followed us into the corner gas station screaming at me about what a bitch I am and while my daughter and I were standing in line to pay for gas he started saying he doubts I’ll ever have sex again because of what a “disgusting, fat slob of a woman” I am. I remembered that to give me courage to go in my own home to call the police and get him out but he did it for me. All I can say about why I stayed is that in the beginning I had never felt more in love or connected to anyone else and it took me a long time for that to wear off. I didn’t want to believe he was this monster. After 2 years I got pregnant and had already ruined 1 family and by the time she was born he had her to use as a pawn constantly reminding me of how much his family hated me saying they’d pay for a good lawyer for him to get custody and that his friends and family would be witnesses to what an unfit mother I am. I myself have no money, family or friends. I had never felt so alone and scared. He also started saying that he was going to hurt himself badly and tell the police I did it cuz “bitches like me need to see the inside of a cell”. He also threatened he would kill me, slit my throat. He started to tell me he was gonna hurt or kill my ex if I went to him for help again. And I believe him. He also knows that nobody believes this all happened and as I type this it does sound unbelievable. But I lived it and it did happen and its still happening to a degree and sadly I left alot out. I want to say the final straw that made me do it was I felt like a coward of a mother and me allowing my children to go through this was more than I could bare. The last straw was a couple days before I filed when he called my 11 and 9 year old sons “pussys, bitches and mother fuckers” and screamed and yelled for hours trying to throw us out. I made up my mind after those horrible words came out of his mouth to my babies. It has been very scary. He’s now using the police to show up whenever he wants because he keeps refusing to take all his personal items. He’s been texting my 1 friend “who I only became friends w this summer” and telling her everything in the house is his and he’s taking it. Alot of the law enforcement people I’ve dealt w during this have treated me like I’m bothering them and over exaggerating. His friends and family have been contacting my friend and ex husband asking them why am I so mean to guy, all he ever did was love me and help raise my sons and now I won’t even let him see his daughter (which I can’t, he’s never sober, he has drug issues too, he doesn’t have a job, his friends range from gun toating, thug felons to prostitutes and drug addicts) he has no where to live. I will not hand my daughter over to that. Also I’m sure he’ll start a new relationship asap and I have no doubt he’ll do to the new girl what he’s done to me and the days of my daughter being around that are over. I am in the process of preparing a motionto file for court supervised limited visitation. I have also signed off on him paying child support cuz he scares me and I dont want to give him any reason at all to deal w me. This has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. My children and I are due to start counseling next week for the impact this past 6 years have had and I am nothing better than a bundle of nerves who cant eat or sleep or barely bring myself to do anything. Every time I hear a sudden sound I jump, everything startles me and I keep thinking I see him everywhere. And when I do sleep it’s w nightmares and I’ve been watching my 3 year old go thru the same thing. My friend and my ex have been good to me but I feel like them being there for me is exhausting them. And also try as I might it is almost impossible for me to feel any positive emotion at all. I feel scared, humiliated, lost, alone, angry, really stupid for this ever even happening, weak for not protecting my kids sooner, anxiety, depression, overwhelmed, rage, anger, and confusion. I know it is very unhealthy to feel like that and I am also very worried for what my kids may go thru. But I do feel love and it’s the love I have for my kids that gets me out of bed everyday. I know it’s a long process. I just will never be able to understand how one human being could treat another human being in such a way. Sorry for it being so long. It feels good to be able to get that out of me.

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    • I am in the midst of a very emotional abusive relationship, and I am drained I want to leave and I just don’t know where to begin. The things he has done to me and even my kids are actually If was not serious they are bizarre.
      He never takes responsibility not says sorry for anything and over all people can’t stand him nor want to walk egg shells with him around , I know I need away I keep waiting until my youngest is about 17 before I will do that , is that’s wrong though ? At this point he has rubbed off on both Children and I feel guilty for that . Worst mistake my life. That story is basically same as mine and more , I am
      Now at point I need away and that’s is my plan just now to get away from this situation xx

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  10. I am the mother of not one, but TWO narcissistic sons. The oldest is 22 and the young one is 15. I know typically 15 is too young to diagnose NPD, but he’s shown this behavior since pre-k. Their father was what I think is a psychopath and he abused me mercilessly. I’ve been to the hospital five times over the course of our 11 year relationship. Im guessing this is the source of their narcissism. The 15 year old, Ty, is still young so he doesn’t hide his intentions as well as his brother. His reaction to the Sandy Hook fiasco was “Well, at least it wasn’t me, ha ha. What’s for dinner?” I was disturbed beyond imagination. For the most part, thankfully, he is relatively silent around me. He usually doesn’t talk to me, he just stays on his phone, taking pictures of himself and posting them on Instagram or Facebook. He volunteered ONCE at a homeless shelter, took about 30 pictures and he uploads them on different days to make it seem like he goes regularly. His brother is worse. He keeps yelling at me to fill out papers for his college so he can get “his money” I don’t even know what he means. Now, his apartment had a gas leak so he had to move back in. Two narcissist in one home is horrible. I go to work fearing I’ll have nothing to come back to. They rage constantly. This is one of their arguments earlier.
    Ty: Dude, turn down your phone, I’m doing my homework.

    Fred: ignores

    Ty: Yo! Dude turn it off!”

    Fred: It’s not even on! Shut the f*ck up!

    Ty: It was just on! Get out of my room!

    Fred: No!

    Ty: This is why your poor ass doesn’t have a house

    And it went on with insults. The only time they’re at peace is when they team up on people calling them stupid for their beliefs. Their sister turned out better. She has slight histrionic tendencies. They’re both nightmares for me. Ty wants to be an actor and when I told him to have a back up he accused me of not believing in him. I’m so tired. Does anyone else feel this way?

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  11. I just feel a need to write. I am in the process of divorcing the narcissist I was married to for 19 years. Three weeks ago, he kicked me out of our home, literally as I was leaving for work. My husband changed the locks on the only home my 11year old son had ever known. I had to get my son early from school in fear for his safety and we lived in a shelter for 5 days. With help from family, I was able to get an apartment. My crime was standing up for myself.

    Now he has all of our financial resources and the house, which he won’t let me into. My son is grieving terribly and my husband has already asked for a new judge and a delay in starting the legal proceedings. Everything I’ve read about how narcissists behave during divorce is already happening and somehow I am still shocked. He is telling my son to watch to see if I am drinking, scaring my son even more, needlessly, when I am completely sober. He has called my elderly mother and convinced her (at least for a short while) that I am drinking and dysfunctional.

    And I am so worried because this is just the beginning. I am fine at times, but he keeps throwing new problems my way, so I can’t ever let my guard down. He has directly told me that he is going to make everything as difficult as possible and I believe him and finally see him as he truly is, while still having more and more revelations about what was really happening in the past. I am going to have to be so strong, but take it one day at a time, or be overwhelmed by his cruelty. I need to learn how to expect the worst from him and see it as a challenge to overcome. I need to learn to let the pain go, so I can find peace somehow and help my son. I need help and I am going to ask for and accept it where ever I can. I am praying for all of us.

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    • I can advise you of one thing a narcissist willing never want to do is take the child they ain’t interested always want to do own things etc I admire you taking a stand and wish I was that strong xx

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  12. usedtolovemusicmore

    My relationship with a narcissist ended in June 2013 after an intense six-month whirlwind romance. She is a very famous entertainer, whom I was absolutely certain I would be spending the rest of my life with. She asked me to be her boyfriend on our first date, wept with emotion over our lovemaking early the next morning, and was telling me I was the best friend and lover she had ever had within a week or two. We were walking a foot off the ground. We travelled for her career and other business, and had what to me were the most romantic moments of my 40-some-odd year life. She said the same. She wanted me to become part of her children’s lives pretty quickly, but we got some advice from a therapist to do it in as healthy a way as possible….so I thought. I fell in love with her kids and became a consistent friend to them, earning their love and respect along the way. I was brought into every area of her life….being a constant support and sounding board regarding business, personal, children, family decisions. Her family loved me and told me I was the best thing that she’d ever found. In a typical moment of future planning, she was looking to buy a new house about three months into the relationship and stood in front of it with me, arm around my neck, saying, “would you be comfortable here?” A couple weeks later she denied saying it.

    She wrote songs about me that were the most touching things ever done for me. Beyond anything I had ever dreamed possible. It was “pinch me am I dreaming” type stuff. Our sex was far and away the most exciting I had every experienced, and she claimed the same. And then it got closer to the time her record was coming out…all set to go on the road with her (my career allows me to work from anywhere), and she got more distant, focusing on all the parts of that process…planning, photo shoots, video shoots, promotional stuff, interviews, etc…..as I tried to just be supportive. She would tell me over and over again that she was only growing more attached, loved me more than anything. Two weeks before we broke up she dedicated a song about finding the love of her life to me in front of an audience. She told me in the week before we broke up that no one had ever been so supportive of her career and how important that was for our future, that she and her kids were so fortunate to have found me….and a couple days later, and 4 days prior to leaving to travel for her tour with her, she ended it. No remorse. I was the off-season boyfriend, and it was time to be a superstar again. As I struggled with it, she was off on tour, with zero time for me. She became enraged when I tried to reason with her. Calling me a liar when I reminded her of things that came out of her mouth. Accusing me of things that were the opposite of what was actually the truth. In our last conversation about two months after the break up, she was an emotional robot, and said she actually wished she’d broken up earlier, and that she had just “moved on emotionally” and that the only reason we were ever together was because she was so unhealthy when we met.

    One of the most disturbing things about all of it is that she told me when we last talked that she never told her kids we’d broken up….so, these kids that I tucked in, read to, played with endlessly, took to school, went to school functions, helped with homework, etc….kids who trusted me, loved me back, have now learned that someone they count on and love will abandon them. Here today, gone tomorrow. It makes me sick to my stomach.

    I have been devastated. Not only is she gone, but I have to see her in the media. It’s kinda like getting stabbed, and then beaten up repeatedly while in the hospital.

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  13. I know the feeling of how could I be so stupid? I am going through a very hostile divorce with my narcissistic husband. It is very ugly. I think I subconsciously made myself useless to him so he looked else where for companionship. Lucky for me and not so lucky for her. I am sure she still thinks she is the luckiest woman alive. I know who she thinks she is getting and I know who she i really getting. I am learning so much from everybody’s posts. We all share so many similar experiences. I am so glad I am not alone.

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  14. I think my late husband was a shy covert N. I spent 20 years being married to man I really did not know. I feel so stupid and am so shattered I will more than likely never trust another man again . When we first met he was sweet, kind,understanding and we shared more than a few things in common. We both came from abusive families and it was nice having someone who (claimed) to understand. We married two years later and ever so slowly and gradually he became withdrawn and frequently dismissive of me. he would frequently make little comments that were annoyingly simple, but yet cutting to the bone. sometimes his subtle abuse was in the form of a nasty song he claimed to like.He always had the same response that nothing was wrong and he was just not a “talker”. As more time went by his shy, reclusive nature began to take it;s toll. I began to question MYSELF as my self esteem was slowly being demolished. I truly loved him, and made every attempt to convince myself nothing was wrong. I always thought it was just his past and our opposite work schedules. He was a man who was very well liked for being “sweet”, “shy”, “hard working”, “dedicated to his job” and “trustworthy”. After I fell into a major depression, he told me he was cheating on me and it lasted for 6 months.He would often kick me when I was already down (so to speak). I did more computer research, and found his( thought he deleted) e-mails to other women. he admitted he tried a few dating sites. I was crushed and to the point of killing myself. I did make a plan to end my life that day, As my husband ignored me and watched t.v, my DOG saved my life. Oscar climbed on the bed with me and put his head on my head and would not get down.The next day I told my husband I was leaving, and he begged and cried for me to stay. I gave him a few months and began my plan to get out of the marriage. Shortly after he became ill and after begging and pleading for him to see a doctor (that fell on deaf ears) I called 911. he died a few months later of advanced cancer. After his death I found out he had been seeing another woman for 10 + years. She considered herself to be his other wife. what a mess-hatred, confusion,betrayal and grief all rolled into one FAKE “marriage”

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  15. I met the Narcissist while I was working 16 hours a day as a waitress in an italian restaurant to support myself. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 6 months 4 hours earlier. He saw my vulnerability from a mile away. From that first night, there were signs, but I didn’t see them, because I had no idea what I was looking for. I just wanted to be happy, and feel special. To find someone open and honest, who would love and cherish me as I would love and cherish him. Instead, I got a life lesson I will never forget. Since the night I met him, there has not been one day that I have been away from him. From the beginning, he started his triangulation and behavioural modification techniques…. He pulled everything from telling me how honest, loyal, upfront and awesome he is, to boasting about his sexual prowess, and how I was extremely lucky because there were so many things about me that would have sent him walking away, but he was a changed man, not who he used to be, and he was giving me “the benefit of the doubt.”… He would triangulate between me and one of his ex girlfriends, whom he said was insane, and a drunkard to say the least. It got to the point that he didn’t like the apartment I was renting, so I moved in with one of my friends. That lasted until she said something about how he seemed to dominate all my time, and that it wasnt healthy for him to be with me every waking moment he wasn’t at work. She started charging him money for his staying the night every single night, and she was shocked that I had only known him for 2 weeks at that point. She even begged me to tell him to stay home one night and give me some time to myself. But he has a way with twisting on 21… he calls himself a master wordsmith. I asked him to give me one night to myself, and it was 20 questions as to why, and how insecure he was feeling about me wanting time to myself… huge warning sign there, but I didn’t heed it. Instead, things escallated between him and my roomate that I had to leave. I had known him for less than a month, and we were about to move in together. WOW! I remember now, even as he was putting my belongings into his car, that he started placing demands on me… obligations and conditions that I had to continually meet if I wanted to be with him and for us to work. The old “prove your love” routine. And it was presented in such a way that it was like I was having to prove my integrity to him… Ironically, something else happened at this point that should have clued me in…. I’m not the cheating type. I have never been the cheating type. But I cheated on him with my ex boyfriend. And he found out, and kicked me out, justifiably. The irony is that even after he had another conquest in his bed the same night I left, he was calling me 24/7, demanding my every move, spewing demands and verbal abuse onto me making me feel worse and worse as the days went on… he would dangle the potential for us to get back together and work past my indescression, then withdraw it almost immediately, only to hurt me again. I was so ashamed of myself for cheating and hurting him that I couldn’t see things for what they were…. Something deep in me knew this guy was dangerous, and was telling me to end things in any way possible. But I didn’t listen. Instead, I just apologized to him profusely, and finally said that I was not going to persue him any more, and that I hoped he one day was able to forgive me for my horrendous actions against him, and that he ends up happy. All of a sudden, he wanted to get back together and work things out. Under conditions and severe restrictions: 1) I was to answer any question he asked with complete and total honesty, immediately, no matter what it was, when it was, or how many times he asked. 2) I was to cater to his every sexual demand. 3) I was to make certain he knew my whereabouts 24/7, and was to be 100% available to him at his beck and call. 4) I was to work only in the area he specified, at the job he specified, during the hours he specified, and was to relenquish my full pay to him immediately, for the indeffinate future. 5) It was my responsibility to cook his meals, clean his house, do his laundry, and any other household chore as he saw fit. And finally, 6) I was not allowed to ever question him, whatsoever. In a normal situation, he would get an apology and a goodbye. But my head was so twisted that I felt it was the only way to seek absolution for my heinous crimes. Looking back, it saddens me that I let myself be dragged down so far. It shows how weak I became. This situation went on for 3 years. I was not allowed to speak to my family, or friends. My friends were never allowed over to our home. I was never allowed to go out without him. Anything and everything that did not go the way he expected or better was my fault, and I was berated profusely. His narcissistic rages got more and more severe, so that more and more, would find myself balled up in a corner, crying, feeling less than human, wishing that God would end my life, because I did not deserve to live. I would be made to feel this way over everying from his not getting the parking space he wanted to a bill not coming in the day he felt it should. And even despite all of this, I did my best to make things work with him. I dressed in what he wanted me to wear, my hair and makeup to his specifications. I ate what he told me to eat. Bought what he told me to buy, said what he wanted me to say, when he wanted me to say it, went where he wanted me to go. I did the best I could to cater to his every whim and demand, and never NEVER did I bother him with my needs, because the few times I made the mistake of doing that, all hell broke loose… I was a lying, cheating, insane, abusive snake in the grass worthless whore, weight around his ankles, and how dare I DEMAND his time with some petty bs!!!! That was it, that was the last straw. Something deep inside me snapped back into its rightful place, and I began to question how long I was going to continue to let myself be punished for my mistake. After all, He had made more than one “mistake” himself, and I knew it, although he to this day denies it. I had reached my breaking point, and I wasnt going to take any more. So I started googling ways to cope with verbal abuse. I came across site after site with loads of information on coping mechanisms, but more importantly, I keep seeing the same thing on page after page: Narcissistic Abuse….. So I started researching Narcissistic Personality Disorder. And there it was. Site after site, Blog after blog, entry after entry from victims, each one recounting the past 3.5 years of my life to perfection. Reading the criteria for NPD was like checking off the to do list. Each box filled and then some. Now I knew what I had been dealing with. Evil Personified. Satan in a human form. I had been living in hell. And it was my decision as to where to go from here…. I could continue on in the same way that I had been, until there was nothing of me left, until the fight in me was extinguised, and I had no hope of redemption, or I could say enough was enough, and cut my losses. I made a mistake, I am human. I had paid my dues, and then some. It’s time to go. So I’m leaving him tomorrow morning. NO goodbye, NO CONTACT, and no regrets. I know for whatever weird reason, that there are going to be things about him and our relationship that I will miss. I know this is going to hurt. But is said that God will never give you a cross too heavy to bear. That is my consolation in all this. There was a life lesson given to me, in the way that God saw best fit for me to learn. And it is now my responsibility to take that lesson to heart, learn from it, and correct my life accordingly. This is a second chance. And I’m going to cherish every second of it. Thank you for reading.

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  16. My story… I suppose it’s not uncommon for it to be so complicated and long that you wonder how to write it in a “comment” in a blog response?… My life has been hell because of what he has put me through, and for years I didn’t even know it! I questioned my sanity often because he made me believe every hiccup in our relationship was my fault. I was so good at falling for it that we actually appeared to have a very good relationship, even at home. The reason? I did whatever he needed, whatever he wanted, and was the narcissistic supply he needed me to be for 10 years. I didn’t realize that I was losing myself in the process. I was losing my spirit. My life revolved around making him happy despite what it did to me. I never had a bad day because if I did, I was selfish and didn’t realize how bad he had it. There’s so much to my story! Some day, I’m going to spend the time to sit down and write it all out from beginning to end, but until then, if you’d like to read my blog of excerpts of my life with him, check out livingtransparently.wordpress.com. There are so many of us out there! You are not alone!

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  17. Everyone here is referring to their narc Men!!!! I finally got into therapy because of my crazy Sister!!!! Now, 2 years later I am doing better. I am learning to distance myself from her gaslighting abuse!!! I have gone NC, I am calmer,and I am able to see the situation from a different perspective. .I clearly see how she Projects !!! Sick ! The sweet ,mean cycle, denial, lies< Manipulation. I take one day at a time !! Use mindfulness. Prayer. I am not as nervous now that I am away from her.

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  18. A narcissistic abuser should carry shame for tearing someone to pieces, but it doesn’t work that way. I don’t know how I managed to gather enough confidence to get rid of him after years of his abuse. They do no wrong – everything is your fault – everything. Looking back, I can’t believe that I let him to that to me, but when you hear the same things everyday, you begin to believe it. It is an absolute horrible way to live. They tear you down little by little, and before you know it, you’re a mess, and may actually begin to believe what they say to you. I feel for anyone who has experienced this type of abuse and manipulation, and my heart goes out to you. I am gradually recuperating from it, but for me, personally, I believe it will take quite some time due to how long that it occurred. They have no feelings, and have left us with feelings that will be forever with us. However, I have faith that we can all become successful eventually in getting these abusers out of our minds, which is where they planted every evil seed they could come up with.

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  19. I find myself reading every thing I can find about narcissim.. I divorced my nar in Dec, The last time I spoke to him was Feb when I kissed him goodbye told hime I love you and will see you in the morning weel I never went back and have not talked to him since. You see I left my children divorced a good man and turned my life upside down for this man who I thought was the love of my life, my soul mate. We were high school sweethearts and for 25 years did not see each other and then when I moved back my home town I reconnected with the nac. What a mistake! In the beginning there were red flags but I chose to ignore them I put rose colored glasses on and didn’t take them off for 5 years.He told me that I was the love of his life that he always loved me and new that someday we would find our way back to each other. We had good times together as long as no children were around, I didn’t disagree withanything he said, I fed his ego and give him all the money that he wanted for his alcohl and dope. oh I almost forgot and I did not question him when he slep with his ex wife. so we could still be together today if I agreed to all these terms. lol well today I have my daughter back, I can sleep at night, I’m rebuilding relationships with mu family and friends and my bills are being pain on time.I’m slowly very slowly started to feel better about myself and there are days when for whatever reason I haven’t figure it out yet that I want to hear frim him but so far I have resisted the urge to call him.When ever I start getting that obsessive thought that I must see him or talk to him I read more about Narcs. I pray God please don’t let me call him, I writ on these pages, I call friends and sometimes I just cry. I cant even express the pain that I have suffered and caused from this relationship. I feel numb at times,angry, sad and revengeful. But I know that time will heal all wounds and maybe I may always love him but I;ve decided that it wasn’t me it was him and that he will never love anyone not even himself.I feel sorry for anyone comes in contact with him.Now I must focus on healing and try to figure out why a beautiful, caring and intelligent woman allow herself to end up in a hurricane.

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  20. I had never thought I could write on one of these sites. I have been in a narcissist relationship for almost 4 years. She came into my life when she was experiencing her ex-husband leaving her for another woman. She was endearing, captivatiing, and seemed to be all I wanted in a relationship. However, there always seemed to be something wrong I overlooked. I had been divorced for over 3 years and she said all the right things, did all the right things, and thoroughly won me over. Then, after I was hooked, it all changed to who she really was as a person. I always felt she would change back to who she was in the begiinning and she always dangled that carrot in front of me. I am a very spirtiual man and she used that to lure me into her life. I still find myself trying to disregard her behaviors, actions, and ridiculous comments as not being so bad. The hard thing is now she is pregnant with my child, I think. Her family has even been shut out by her and have been a very supportive aspect in my seeing all of her manipulations and lies. Her father suggests on many occasions I should just run. She is dealing with distancing her daughters from her ex and he has tried very hard to get them back into his life with no avail. There have been legal struggles there that continue on and on and she will not relent. She has blocked her daughters from the ex emotionally and I am fearful she will do the same with our baby if it is mine. It is her brother that continually reminds me I should have a paterntiy test to see if the child is really mine. I believed all her stories about her ex, her family, and so called friends who have betrayed her and became her closest confident. I truly drew me into a place I have never been before in my life. I have come to see her true colors and have waivered on several occasions where she has tried to draw me back in mostly for financial reasons. She wants me to take care of her financially without a relationship and makes many threats of legal actions or making it difficult for me to see our baby after she is born. It has been a struggle knowing I may have a child with her but yet I cannot continue a relationship like that anymore. I have put forth boundaries with her and when they are crossed I put them up protecting myself from her wrath. The baby is due in a few weeks and she has been diligent about being healthy and taking care of herself physically during this time. I have given financial support for the child to help alleviate her costs until she is born. Her family has warned me not to support her as she is not very good with managing money and spends it freely and does not save for when it is needed. I know in time it will be better and recently she has wanted me in her life, wanted a life with me, and has been very caring and also seemingly calm. However, it came to a financial situation where she wanted money to pay her legal costs with her battle with her ex over her daughters. I somehow suspected she may do this as was forewarned by her family. They feel if she reaches rock bottom she will be forced to seek a change in her life as these patterns destroyed her marriage in the first place. It is difficut for me as I do not wish to see the mother of my child suffer but on the other hand cogniitiveyl know she has to change her ways to stop destroying intimate relationships in her life. There is so much to this story that I have began writing a book to help me come to terms with it. I am still very consumed by what is happening and what may happen in the next few weeks. I have not talked with her over a week and feel more at peace when that happens as to avoid her unbelievable actions and behaviors. I thought for a time it was the pregnancyt that imploded this behavior but remember it was happening even before she was pregnant. I have hope, a very strong hope. all will work out in the end but it is very difficult sitting back and waiting for things to fall in place. I do have hope the wll of God will put the outcome to his liking.

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  21. ok, now this scares me because I put my story out on my blog and I hold nothing back and this guy is now coming into town for a month to perform……..

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    • Kimberley ann zellers

      Oh I understand, Right after commenting here. The man I mentioned contacted me and said I will be hearing from him, He just returned from Cleveland, is sick and exhausted and been laying low for obvious reasons. I feel nauseated

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    • Kimberley ann zellers

      I am now in the process of blocking the Narcissistic Married man
      and changing my email address. I am so freaked out I might even move. I am also irritated because he knows I Don’t have a car, and i have a broken ankle. The nerve to expect me to MEET HIM! I hate him NOW!
      He sent another email saying this :
      “Things have settled down a bit at home
      I would like to meet for a drink in February

      Separate question… What is (removed for privacy) last name
      Someone came to her office and told wifey everything
      Details “

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  22. Keep ALL EVIDENCE in a safe location Kimberly. Are you still in contact? Is there an order of protection in your case?

    Narcissists that are found to be cheating are slimy characters who will resort to ANY unlawful means to silence someone who has information that can harm his “image”, fake reputation and or cause his disrespected spouse to abandon him.

    I received death threats from he and his attorney and had to obtain an order of protection and move to protect my address, person and property from their surveillance and damage.

    PLEASE PROTECT YOURSELF. YOUR SAFETY IS NUMBER ONE. If you’d like to send me an email message you can reach out to me on facebook or send a mail to afternarcissisticabuse@gmail.com

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  23. Kimberley ann zellers

    You have literally scared me half to death. After being abused for 13 years by a narc I thought I was recovered 0ne year later and started an email relationship with a stockbroker. 2,000 emails later with him saying all the things you mentioned your narc said we finally had our first lunch date. 5 months later when it was my birthday and i was falling in love and secure he pulled the rug out from under and started insulting me and said our relationship was rocky. I was shocked. He started making demands I change, etc. I could no longer pleae him. as it turns out he was married and his wife found out. I sit here now with 4, 000 emails form him and occasional emails about tracking devices and demands i wait until spring for him to return and accusations my former husbands GF snitched on him.
    i can barely believe this man who was like prince charming knew my home was wrecked by a home wrecker and I was abused turned into this nightmare, blaming me for my own abuse, and blaming me for his getting caught and turning me into home-wrecker when i Never knew he was married!
    I am in a nightmare and scared of him now and not sure of what to do after hearing your story..he defintely has way more money than I do..especially after he set me up in an apartment I cannot afford since or break up.

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  24. I hear you, sister. I had a very similar experience.

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  25. Tears and Healing
    The Journey to the Light After an Abusive Relationship
    by Richard Skerritt (Formerly Richard, 21CP)
    Now in its Fifth Printing. Over 20,000 sold!
    Quick-Pack
    Get the e-book right now, the paperback by mail. Paperback: $20.00
    Quick-Pack: $26.00
    Buy it See What’s Inside Online Support Group Info
    This Excerpt:
    Living with an Alcoholic? Report as Spam? Not.
    To stop these mailings, use
    2-click Unsubscribe.
    [To stop receiving these, use this link: unsubscribe. Don’t click on “Report as Spam”. That doesn’t stop mail to you, it just makes it harder for others to get messages they asked for and makes me mad. Don’t reply to this email; neither the programs nor I read it. Don’t write to me, because the sub/unsub processes are all automated. Your address is never shared.
    Today I’m sending a old/new landing page. After using the same pages for a long time, I really dug into these recently, and I’ve been improving them so that they actually answer the question that is posed in the ad that leads to the page. It sounds simple but, of course, it can’t be done until you understand. I have to look at the people who are motivated to click on an ad that “Are you living with an alcoholic? Overcome the love locking you in. Deal with the Abuse.” Then I have to divine what are these people are really struggling with. Over the years I have been doing this, I continue to learn.

    In essence this page boils down to a few hundred words that aim to address the problems that vex and puzzle those who live with an alcoholic. And by the way, people tend to start out thinking of their situation using one particular label. For some it is alcoholism. For me, verbal abuse was the handle I used to first reach for help. Others grab hold of BPD, narcissism, or whatever. They all work because they all lead to the same place. I suppose you could say I’m a hammer salesman finding nails everywhere, and there might be a little truth in that. But when the shoe fits, or the hammer drives the nail, it comes clear pretty quickly.

    Tears & Healing explores the emotional issues in being in, and getting out of, an abusive relationship, which often includes alcoholism or drug abuse. . In Love and Loving It – Or Not! explains how and why we fall in love, what real love is, and how to make changes so love works for us and not against us. Meaning from Madness explains what motivates the disordered, how they distort reality and what the prospects for improvement are. Get all three together in the triple pack and save. Add T&H Reflections in the Relationship Pack. My favorite book is The Way of Respect. Based on the ancient Chinese Tao te Ching, it offers an intriguing and artful perspective on how to achieve respectful interactions, especially in leadership roles. There is also the Richard Skerritt Package. that includes The Way of Respect. Plus I offer the two disorder packages: the sociopath pack and the Borderline Pack which combine my books a book by a recommended author.]

    Living with an Alcoholic? Overcome the love locking you in. Deal with the Abuse.
    Are you living with an alcoholic? Chances are, if you’re asking that question, you are. But did you know that for many alcoholics, the substance abuse is secondary, and the underlying problem is a serious mental disorder? Don’t look for that insight at an Al-anon meeting – or in Al-anon literature, but it’s true.

    The fact is that many alcoholics suffer from personality disorders – serious mental disorders that cause them to perceive and react to events and people in ways that don’t make sense to healthy people. While there are ten personality disorders defined in the US diagnostic system, three disorders consistently show up in people who tend to be abusive to others – and these same people often abuse alcohol and/or drugs. Those disorders are borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and sociopathy (or antisocial personality disorder.)

    People who suffer from these disorders have intense, unreasonable fears that are triggered by small events. They react with brutal rage and controlling outbursts. In some cases the fears are overwhelming, and they can sink into despondence and despair, and even become suicidal. They can be brutal and dominating at one time; beg you not to leave them at another; and even deny that you exist at other times. Because their minds are disordered, these actions and feelings make no sense to healthy people, and it can be crushing and brutal to experience from someone you love.

    Overcome the Love Locking You In

    Many of us ended up in unhealthy relationships because, in the beginning, our partners held up a false front. Many of us felt or thought that we had met our soul mate; found the perfect partner; met that one special person in the universe. It’s no surprise that we can fall in love with someone like this!

    Later, usually after we’ve made a binding commitment like marriage, or sometimes after the relationship changes due to children being born, a job change, or other major life changes, our partner shows a completely different side. The person who was once perfect now can become angry, demeaning, demanding, and harshly critical. When alcohol or drugs are involved, the substance abuse usually takes a big step up, too. I talk about this dynamic in my book on disordered behavior, Meaning from Madness. From someone we have deep feelings for, these actions are brutal. Yet we may still have strong feelings of love pulling us to that person. Talk about being torn!

    At some point, many of us realize this situation needs to change, but feelings are not chosen. How can you overcome the love that pulls you to someone who is abusing you?

    While you can’t turn those feelings off like a switch, you can learn to understand where those feelings come from, and how our minds create them, and then set the stage for new feelings to develop – hopefully toward someone who’s better for us. At first this issue was a chapter in my book, Tears and Healing, but it was so important it eventually became its own short book, In Love and Loving It – Or Not! The really sad part is that our minds create these feelings so that we’ll be motivated to engage in a relationship that meets our emotional needs, yet those same feelings can end up locking us in, pulling back again into a broken relationship that just can’t fill those needs! Its like a trap, one that we need new understanding to get out of.

    Deal with the Abuse

    Dealing with this situation is complex, and people need some idea of “What do I do now that I know this?” For most people, there are important values, beliefs and obligations that have to be carefully thought about. Abusive relationships are very hurtful situations, and significant decisions have to be faced, then resolved. Tears & Healing holds a light up in this dark place. Written from the inside perspective of someone who has been through the hell of being emotionally and verbally battered by a spouse, this book addresses the major issues that we all must wrestle with.

    Tears & Healing begins with the most difficult issue: abusive partners constantly work to distort our perception of what is happening and what is right and wrong, until we doubt our own judgment so much we can’t make decisions. It then addresses the process of detaching to find safe space and to regain a sense of right and wrong, and searching to understand what we, as people, need in our lives – needs that often must be simply put aside to survive in these brutal situations. It deals with love, and the conflict of being in love with someone hurtful to us. And it addresses the intense feelings of obligation that many of us have, which keep us locked in situations that are beyond what any person should endure. Tears & Healing is an intensely personal and validating guide through this maze of thoughts and emotions. The reader reviews below can give you some sense of how liberating Tears & Healing has been for many, many people.

    As I said already, dealing with feelings of love is a huge barrier for many. My book, In Love and Loving It – Or Not! , addresses these issues. It explains how and why we fall in love; what we can do to get out of love with someone hurtful to us; how we can make choices so we are more likely to fall in love with someone good for us; and how being in love relates to the different, chosen actions of loving. Many of the people I help to deal with their abusive situations need this kind of guidance.

    After talking personally with many people in phone consultation, I found that people also need a way of making some sense of their abusive partner’s actions. Though their actions make no sense from the perspective of a healthy person, there is something inside them that motivates them. After explaining this many times, I wrote a companion book, Meaning from Madness, which explains what makes abusive people act as they do, explains the psychological defense mechanisms they use which cause them to see a different reality than we see, and explains how alcohol and drug use – so painfully common among them – compounds these disordered patterns. I consider Meaning from Madness to be the second essential piece of this puzzle, and there is a link to its page on the right of this paragraph.

    About the Author
    Richard Skerritt is a writer, inventor, engineer, and athlete. A survivor of a marriage that turned abusive, he forged a path through confusion, love, obligation, and emotional damage to safety and truer life. His experience and insight, shared in Tears and Healing, originated in his contributions to online support groups for people in relationships with a partner who has borderline personality disorder. He has been a respected contributor and mentor in these groups for the past four years. His writing and publishing work now includes four books, and he continues to help people through books, daily email messages, and phone consultation. Not a mental health professional, his perspectives and guidance “from the inside out” have been especially relevant for people in abusive relationships.

    Save by getting
    Relationship Pack; or the
    Richard Skerritt Pack

    Tears & Healing
    Reflections

    Insights on Abuse, the Relationships It Haunts, and the Diseases that Cause It

    Why do they do it?

    Meaning from Madness
    Understanding the Hidden Patterns that Motivate Abusers
    Also by Richard

    Triple-Pack &
    Full-Pack –
    All 3 or 4 books together.

    Disorder Packages:
    My Books Plus a Recommended Book:
    Sociopath Pack &
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    Struggling with feelings of love?
    In Love and Loving It – Or Not!
    A User’s Guide to Love and Falling in Love
    Also by Richard
    Personal
    Consulting
    Tap my knowledge and insight to understand your situation.

    Eastern Philosophy
    Also by Richard

    The Way of Respect
    Ancient Wisdom Expressed for Today
    Recommended:
    Stop Walking
    On Eggshells
    (paperback)

    by
    Mason,Kreger

    Are struggling to live with an alcoholic partner or SO? Get the Relationship Pack or the the triple pack and get the whole picture on your situation.

    Did you know the books and packages come in softcover, e-book, and the combination quick-pack? You can see all the choices you have on this page.

    Why does your partner treat you like that? Get Meaning from Madness and get the explanation for what drives disordered behavior. (It’s in the Relationship Pack and the triple pack.)

    Are you sick of being drawn back to someone who hurts you? Would you like to understand how to enable a healthy, loving relationship in your life? (It’s in the Relationship Pack and the triple pack.)

    Have you been reading excerpts for a while? Are you ready to buy the book and get serious about change? (It’s in the Relationship Pack and the triple pack.)

    One reader: “I just read your two books, “Tears and Healing” and “Meaning and Madness” and I can’t tell you how freeing it was for me to read them.”

    © 2006-2011 Richard Skerritt, Author and Publisher

    This message was sent to alleicat@shaw.ca because that email address was entered on http://tearsandhealing.com/ or http://dalkeithpress.com/ to receive excerpts from Richard Skerritt’s books including Tears & Healing, and that signup was confirmed by email. If you want to stop these mailings, please visit http://dalkeithpress.com/excerpt-optout.aspx,enter alleicat@shaw.ca on that page and click “Stop Email”. Or you can call the sending company, Dalkeith Press, at 877 780 0945 with this ID: 031446 and ask to be removed.

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  26. The beginning of the romance was filled with building me up and telling me how he’d never met anyone like me, how special and different I was, how beautiful, intelligent and funny I was. How happy he was that he’d met me. He very early used the word soul mate, told me he thought he was becoming my stalker and was obsessed with me. Instead of seeing these as warning signs that I now know they are from a narcissistic abuser, I felt surprised and flattered that the guy knew how much he wanted me and how he was so sure that I was the one. This very true for me too…
    However being involved with a narcissist takes a toll on your emotions, be aware people !
    From my expierence they are manipulators,liars and cheaters. They are very self asorbed but yet really insecure with themselves. They will use you to meet all their needs and you have none, it is all about them n always will be , they can never stay on topic everything is your fault and in your imagination! They will take what they can from you and then discard you and make it all your fault ! (it takes 2 to tangle) I understand I may sound negative but this is reality…
    A little bit at a time they steal your self esteem and self worth, without you even knowing it, making you question yourself and your stability. When I stepped back and really looked at the whole situation and only then, I saw all of it and asked myself really is this who I want to spend the rest of my life with ? The answer was NO. n NO.
    For those of you involved with somone like this , I say run n run fast !
    There is an author out there that wrote a book called tears and healing the author is,, Richard Skeritt… he was involved with people like this.
    I know in my heart of hearts it will take a long time to heal from all of this emotional abuse. I am educating myself and doing the best I can and see a counseller on a regular basis, she and my friend advised me of the NO contact rule.
    Also narcissist choose people that are co- dependant, because they accept the blame for everything and always try to fix everything. ( they just know ) they are very clever, to say the least!
    I would like to say to those involved with such people learn to love you and take care of you. I went back several times and it just keeps getting worse, it is very short lived behavior.. Again they get what they want and then keep discarding you. They can go for days and weeks with no contact. . It is called narcissist food. From the research I have done there is usually addictions and addictive behavior, it is very true… So please take this all serious because it is serious, no fooling here. To those of you involved with a narcissist please be careful and my thoughts n prayers are with you.. Best Wishes, Sheila good luck

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