Goodbye 2012 and Good Riddance Narcissistic Abuse

Sooner or later we’ve all got to let go of our past.

I cannot express strongly enough how GRATEFUL I am that 2012 is soon to be HISTORY!

For the past 2 years, Ive watched what I thought was the biggest “love” of my life, pass through the stages of reality.  It went from “love” to nightmare, to absurdity, and finally defining it for what it really was:  narcissistic abuse which then acted as a springboard from which came my deepest personal transformation and restoration of faith in the triumph of Good over evil.

The changes that have transpired now that narcissism is no longer an element in my life is such a liberating feeling. Sure, I discuss it daily and help others come to understand what narcissism is and how it can impact our lives; it’s part of the territory of giving back.  When God brings you through an experience, it is with purpose. He wanted me to get this lesson; to really understand it so that I could pay forward my knowledge to lead the way through the darkness for anyone who found themselves lost in the grip of pain that narcissism causes.

The narcissist that abused me has remained lost in their mental illness, as narcissists do and continues to play out their issues and abuse with other victims.  My life, mind, spirit and heart are completely severed from that person and I am truly blessed and thankful for the freedom that God has bestowed upon me.   I must have prayed a million “release me” prayers that were finally answered.

What I carried with me and embrace is sharing the knowledge of malignant narcissism and how it’s prevalence in our society, in epidemic proportions, is what I believe to be the root of all evil.  As a spiritual person, I’ve come to understand how narcissism separates us from the Love of God, God’s good grace and his will.  I see firsthand how narcissists act as their own “idol” and carry out deeds of darkness; something God hates.

Paying forward the act of God seeing me through my own experience with evil has opened my eyes in ways I would have never imagined.  It is absolutely heart wrenching to hear the stories of so many survivors who’s identities and lives were destroyed by narcissists.  Across our planet, there are alienated parents, lonely children, hurting men, saddened women, fatherless boys,  motherless girls, frustrated friends, separated sisters, in laws, employees, husbands, parents, teachers, brothers, sons, and daughters, who have paid the price for being loving and kind to the wrong people. The senselessness with which narcissists targeted those who have become like family to me has literally taken my breath away, brought me to tears, and made me want to hop on a plane and fly cross country just to sit with a friend who’s mourning or has to face a narcissist in court and needs support far many more times than I can count.

Yet, what AMAZES me and restores my faith in the goodness of SOME people, is how such hurting people can remain so FULL OF CLASS, GRACE, HUMILITY, HOPE & HONESTY!  I have seen so many atrocities committed by narcissists who are backed by accomplices in families, courts and the general population – I see targets standing ALONE facing the most horrific losses of children, financial means, homes, criminal free records, identities, families, friendships – and teetering on the brink of life & sanity…YET, they aren’t willing or able to stoop to the low rent actions or lack of emotional responsibility that a narcissist can. To see the comparison of the quality of character between a narcissist and their victim is such a stark contrast that it leaves me with nothing but hope that goodness does prevail over evil.

Picking yourself up from the floor where the narcissist stomped you into a hole with nothing to cling to, is by far….the deepest hole, I personally have ever had to climb out of, and yet EVERYDAY….I witness someone else, doing it right along side me.  Keeping a smile on their face and hope in their heart that they’d much rather be climbing out of the darkest hole than still engaged with a narcissist, is proof that the spirit of a target is light years ahead of their tormentor.

We’ve learned what makes us vulnerable to a narcissistic predator and we’ve TOUGHENED those areas up. We haven’t sought the easy path of escapism; diving back into a relationship or using drugs, food or some other distraction to avoid the truths of what made us vulnerable. We’ve STEPPED UP to life, and said, what have you got? Show me where I went wrong and Ill take responsibility for that. We’ve taken a cold hard look at ourselves in the mirror and said, “Im willing to do something different, and Im ready to start TODAY!”

We’re READY 2013! We’re ready to RISE ABOVE narcissistic abuse and put it where it belongs:  IN THE PAST.

Posted on December 29, 2012, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. I never knew that I was abused by a narcsissic until a recent eval that was done. Knowing I’d been threw a emotional and verbal abusive relationship, I am a mother of three children fighting against him. After 14 years of abusive he still gets to me. I am looking for help and support to get through the perfectionist he leads on. Thanks, for the information.

    Willing and ready for more to be a strong mommy!


  2. Looking forward to 2015 I feel the exact same way as when this was originally written, looking to 2013. Only it was not just two years, but 18.

    Well after trying to tell my story here, I guess I’m just not ready yet.Still, thank you for writing this, it helps knowing others have gone thru the exact same thing.


  3. that was awesome… thank you
    i know there is light at the end of the tunnel


  4. I can’t even begin to express what these words mean to me!!! For the first time in a really long time, I feel like someone actually sees my true heart.

    I can’t tell you how many times I have had to pick myself up off the floor after the narcissist in my life, my wife, totally beat down my self confidence and destroyed my identity. She made all my family and friends think that I am the problem and that she was an innocent victim. She actually made me believe that there was something wrong with me because I wanted to love her more and be more connected to her.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your words!!! I am nearly in tears again.

    God is good!!!


    • Ahhhh B,

      Goosebumps and Tears to you!!! So many of us understand who have been in the exact situation you describe so well. We begin to think something is MAJORLY wrong with us, when NO…something is MAJORLY wrong with our partners – and we hang on TOO LONG.

      Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Keep expressing your truth. These, will move you along in healing & recovery at light speed. If you haven’t already, please visit our FB page for ongoing support from a large community of survivors across the globe.

      God Bless you!!! GOD IS GOOD!! ❤


  5. Hi – A lot of your post focuses on David. One thing I’ve learned is that it is not our responsibility to ensure the Narc’s salvation. Only he can do that through a relationship with God. All of your well wishes will fall on deaf ears and the Narc would see you as weak if he read your post. The Devil has become clever in destroying Christians with our own compassion. As Christians, we must be very careful at how we interpret grace. A person has to ask for forgiveness. You can forgive them but they should be held accountable. The Lord forgave Moses for his arrogance but still did not let him into the Promised Land. Respect yourself – it’s ok to say “You were wrong & may God help you!”. Own that. You are not Christ and even our Savior says you must “Ask and it shall be given unto you.” Don’t be a target. It’s like swimming against the current: you may be able to stay afloat and your physical efforts are admirable. Yet, eventually you will drown as your body tires. The easiest choice is to go with the flow and trend towards a peaceful existence. You know you were never at peace in that relationship. Each day was filled with uncertainty and emptiness. Why would you glorify that? If he were doing this to your daughter or sister or mother, would you be so understanding?

    For now, stop feeling sorry for him. You’ve prayed for him. Now, let go and let God. You have my support and love. Think back to a time in your life when you were most confident and happy. Even if you were a kid. Draw on that feeling and ask God to rebirth you without the wounds. He has the power to heal you. Go with God’s Grace!:-)


  6. Thank you for this very reaffirming post about the triumph of good over evil. I am sitting in my mother’s house after having left my narcisisstic partner for the last time – God Willing. It’s been five days since I packed and left his with whatever i could carry, five days since I spoke to him, five days since I vowed that this time I was, and am, staying away for good. If I’m honest, the warning signs were there from the beginning; maybe it was just my own ego that enjoyed feeling like I had found my ‘soulmate’ and was finally going to be settling down to marriage and kids, a good decade after most of my female friends (I’m in my mid-thirties).

    My partner started our relationship very honestly, or so I thought; when we met and ‘hit it off’, he told me he had had issues with violence towards women in his past, and that he had been celibate and in therapy for the previous six years as a way of helping him get past his issues. He works for a well-regarded children’s charity that works on the basis of attachment theory and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs as a positive way of re-parenting abused children; he expounded the virtues of this approach as the way he had gotten over his own severely traumatic and abusive childhood. He confessed he had control issues, that with my love and time, he would learn to love and be a good husband. I took him at his word, believing that his embrace of religion and self-reflection would see us through; that we would work through the issues apparent, and help each other to become better people as a result.

    After a year of abuse, aggression, mind manipulation and a lot of other c**p, I have left him as a survivor, not a victim. I know this is not long compared to a lot of ladies who have stuck with their n partners for decades of their lives; I am in awe of you guys for being strong enough to walk away from so much investment of time, love, and energy. Please know that you inspire so many other women to be strong enough to say ‘this is not good enough and i was created for a higher purpose than being someone’s emotional/mental/physical punch bag’… I think it was through reading the posts on this and other invaluable websites from women experiencing similar situations to my own that I was able to see that I wasn’t going crazy or being unreasonable in deducing that there was something very wrong about the way I was being treated – and it wasn’t going to get any better. I have kept a journal from a few months into our relationship, and have a webcam of one of his tirades against me, and whenever my brain tries to put its ‘it wasn’t so bad, remember all the nice things he said/did/promised’ hat on, I re-read the journal or watch some of the webcam (five minutes is usually enough).

    I feel sad for him even as I type this. I wish his heart had been open to love, that he could have understood the import of my words when I would tell him, during making up after yet another destructive and damaging ‘anger vomit’ or ‘let’s tell wifey alternately how worthless/amazing/uncaring/sexy/insensitive etc she is for the next five hours and totally confuse and mess with her head’ session that he could only keep me with love, never control and fear, that if he kept trying to make me bend I would eventually snap, and that birds sing most sweetly when they are sitting in trees not in cages, but to no avail. He was very good at regurgitating wisdom from books, therapists, and myself, but ultimately, it was not coming from a sincere place. He is a very intelligent and handsome man, but has a long way to go before he realises his faculties as a sentient being. How can I hate him? How can I focus on anger and vengence when he is the real victim here? A victim of his own mind. God sent him a warm, loving and highly spirited woman who he was unable to cherish – how tragic for him. I’m not condoning or excusing him, but I forgive him, just as I forgive myself for taking a chance on love and marriage. It seems I can’t have one without the other. If success is the best revenge then surely the best success is in getting on with living a fulfilling life where I am still open to love, to trust, to hope?

    I will pray for David, pray that he finds peace one day. We will no doubt have some telephone conversations between now and me changing my number, arranging the divorce (religious marrige not civil so not as bureaucratic a process, thankfully) etc, but I will never return to living with him and being his wife. I would still be his friend, if I could, but I have been reading around subject of leaving n partner for a while, and can see the value in nc; having contact with him means my mind is opened back up to his false promises and twisted delusions. I hate thinking that I abandoned someone who needed me, but am programming myself to see that I need me, and by staying in such a dysfunctional and unhealthy dynamic, I would have been abandoning myself and all the potential me’s that could be in exchange for a ‘ventriloquist’s dolly’ version of myself. What I wouldn’t want for my sister, I do not want for myself. It all seems so easy when I put it like that, and it’s really not, but I am learning to self-soothe and inspire myself with positive affirmations that negate the negativity and loathing being with him brought to me.

    This is the first time I am writing about this topic, apart from to myself in my journal. I hope what I have shared is of some use, and of interest.


  7. My storys 2 long 2 tell but I wil say iv gone thru all da stages: idealisation, devaluing and am now bein discarded along wit my 2 kids. My narcissist husband and I r now separatin and although its stil xtremely painful, finding out (by chance) what he realy is has strenthend my resolve 2 leave. I hav bad days but when I read ur statuses I am reminded that it is not I whose at fault (lord knows he tries hard 2 make me believe dat lol). For 14 yrs I ignored my gut instincts which always were rite but no mor. So thank u 4 remindin me dat I’m nt crazy n dat I am dealin with da devil. But da goodness in me wil neva b touched n my kids and I will survive n prosper. Da best revenge I think.


  8. I felt the same way about 2011. So sorry to hear that you had to endure this.


  9. Thank you. From my heart, thank you. Your information, inspiration, meaningful dialogues and interactions through your ANA page were part of what I used to get where I am now. I’m far from well, far from healed, but a little stronger and less broken a little at a time. I left 16 years of abuse on November 9, 2012, by far the most difficult thing I’ve ever done and the worst year of my life.I sought and received a lot of help, but the work was mine to face alone, except a very few loyal ladies and pages as good as yours. Thank you for your part in my journey.


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