New Ways To Healing

 

You begin in shock. In disbelief. You may suffer from Post Traumatic Stress (I did). As you are beginning to re-remember, the feelings are going to be overwhelming. Every emotion under the sun. Chaotic feelings. Tremendous ambivalence. Anger, hatred, vengefulness, murder, all the really nasty stuff. Terrible, soul-tearing loneliness. This is normal, this is you being human. Feel all the feelings, cry an ocean. This is grieving. I cried for 3 years, almost every day. I was comforted by this saying from mystical Judaism, “G-d counts the tears of women” (and men, I’m sure).
At the same time,

Learn everything you can about psychopathy and pathological narcissism. We are not talking just immature jerks here, or the abusive, but hardcore pathology.

Return to the past and remember and review in detail. This is not obsessing- this preoccupation is very necessary for healing because you are starting from square one — what you thought existed, did not. So you must find out what really existed- replace the pathway of emotion laden remembrance with the stark, unyielding reality.

It is through the above 3 ways that we emotionally detach-separate ourselves from the psychopath-character disordered, when we begin to grasp the massive deception and subtle, practised erosion of our beings. Always we must trust our gut as we work this out and thru.

Rehearse and reinforce that this was not a normal person, that it was a lie, that it had nothing to do with you (the hardest)- but it did happen to you- and there is no psychological rhyme nor reason to it because psychopaths-character disordered are in a mysterious class by themselves, not really from this planet as we know it.

Know that they wanted something good from you. Remember it.

You will question yourself and that is normal- people who are normal, have consciences, examine themselves, ask themselves what they could have done differently- this is part of reviewing- What could you have done? nothing- you didn’t know they were disordered- now you know- learn all you can about how they work-how they did it- that is your task- to see that they manipulated you and that you were no match for them (nor were some “experts” where psychopaths were concerned).

Discipline yourself to stop looking at your ‘faults’ as connected to the psychopath-character disordered specifically – any encounter with anyone can trigger a desire to re-evaluate one’s life and behaviour- this is normal and progressive- it’s a testament to your desire and ability to grow and transcend, to move forward and blossom- the encounter may provide the spark, the seed- your ‘faults’ or ‘weaknesses’ did not cause you to be targetted and manipulated by the character disordered.

Try not to psychologise yourself- do it with a therapist but only one who lays the blame where it belongs- on the perpetrator-abuser. Trust no one on the net to psychologise you- they have no right; and it’s the blind leading the blind, imo.

Hang out with people who emotionally support you but do not make you doubt yourself- people who try to tell you or imply that you are somehow at fault – do not confide in anyone who pathologises your behaviour or brings you pathologising theories- a psychopath-character disordered is a relationship anomaly/aberration- normal rules don’t apply and neither do theories (for that’s all they are, and largely uncompassionate, I think) about us, the survivors. As long as you continue to psychologise yourself about this (non)relationship, you remain attached.

Know that you did not have control over the encounter, that you do not have control over anything except what you choose to believe and do- choose to elevate everything around you. Choose life.

Repair what is broken- Force yourself to Turn away from the face of evil and add something to the world- even while you are in shock, take a moment to be kind to someone, some small thing or kind thought, and take charge of your soul- be the captain. I have overcome a lot of damage just by putting one step in front of the other and laying a new foundation bit by bit in repairing a bit of the world. No one can take that away from me. When you see what you can do to make the world a better place, how the world responds to you, you won’t listen to anyone who is only looking to fix you by telling you how you are broken. You have a broken,shattered heart and you already know that. End of story.

What is your goal now that you are moving away from this damaging environment? It’s important to have an elevating goal that will inspire you to greatness, spiritual and otherwise. 

If you are reading this, you are a person of considerable character and thought. You are not willing to lie down and die. You will not allow what happened to defeat you. You survived to get to this place- there is great strength in that.

Know what you stand for, what you are willing to live and to die for. Learn this about yourself as you work things through.

Know that this too shall pass and that the other side is wonderful, is amazing, something that you can’t imagine right now. You will amaze yourself. In moments of despair and moments of soul searing loneliness, know that you are not alone. You are supported. And others have gotten through this and you will too. And you will do it with the dignity that is your birthright- in a perfectly human way.

  1. It wil never change . I know I tried for 17 yrs. It’s not you it’s him. I have 5 kids , work and everything else a busy mother does and was always there. Nothing was ever good enough. One word divorce. You will be happier in the long run. Been there. God bless. Focus on Jesus you won’t be sorry. Take care.l

  2. Wow Jennifer that is one messed up bag of nuts. This guy needs a miracle but clearly if you haven’t backed away forget running take a plane.

  3. I’m at a loss stress off the charts and Incredibly Ill throwing up as my son is getting married this summer and I cannot be in the same airspace with my ex narc. My son is one also who left his marks like father like son who has never apologized. Any help would be appreciated. I’m a basket case all over again.

    • I’m thinking genetics play a role in this personality disorder. I too have an X who is a narc for sure and my son is 18 but has shown similar behaviors top one being blame everyone else for his own mistakes.

    • I agree with Leslie that NPD might be genetic. My X fiance has a son and younger brother who are full on drug addict narcs. The son was a star athlete but blowtorched a scholarship to an elite school by snorting crack and “allegedly” robbing convenience stores. The mother of that son is also an NPD crack addict. My X is hyperactive and just listening to him makes me extremely tired. He always loses his train of thought by going into irrelevant data (most of which he’d repeated earlier and is unnecessary to the story).

      I seriously thought he had ADHD adult type and bore with his stupid nonsense for six months thinking that he needed to adjust his diet, etc. I thought ADHD because he would go for three days with no sleep and work for 15 hours straight, and he was not able to finish words and would ramble on incoherently. He also had a way of having present tense conversations about events that happened exactly two weeks or two months earlier. For example, he looks at me and asks can you grow your hair long and wear it straight? I’m sitting in front of him with bone straight hair as I always wear it. It has grown out past my shoulders. I’m stunned by his blindness and ask how do you not notice that I always wear my hair bone straight especially when I just came from the salon and you saw me in the salon getting my hair ironed? He really doesn’t notice how weird it is.

      The question is, is the drug abuse the chicken or the egg? The cause or the symptom, and is the NPD the chicken or the egg. Was it caused by the drug abuse, or is it a symptom? Hard to tell, but I realised I was dealing with a narcissist after he got this brilliant idea to “train me” to accept abuse and stroke his ego. He abandoned, ostracised and discarded me. This was significant because we had made some very serious financial commitments. People were being inconvenienced, and I was left holding the bag. I knew he was doing it to punish me for not praising him for making jokes. I later found out that he spent the silent treatment time interviewing several women within a 100 mile radius of his hometown to be his new source of ego stroking. Apparently they all turned him down because he was sending smiley emoticons to my phone instead of acknowledging the damage he did. Instead of responding to his childish demands or confronting him about his irresponsible behaviour, I got out of dodge really fast. I cut off all communication without warning him, I blocked all of his phone numbers, and I do not acknowledge or answer messages, emails or attempts at contact. I wasted enough time giving this jackass a break.

  4. ANA what u say makes so much sense but without a support system I’m weak and torn. My heart says don’t go they caused the breach not me. Why should I subject myself to more pain and setback.

  5. JP I too was with a narc partner who never physically abused me, or raged in my presence. But he would always make me feel like an afterthought. He would also often tell me that I was only ever a compartment of his life. He was a master manipulator and lying was his native language. Oh and the little put-downs were cruel. But when we were together it was like my life had wings, and yet when we were apart – well, I have never felt so alone. He controlled our catch ups, the time spent together and all other forms of contact. Thankfully the more he devalued me, the more I understood my worth which ultimately led to walking away from him. He has attempted tears and veiled apologies, but I have remained steadfast. The pain of losing this person who in the beginning valued me so highly, is counter-balanced with the recognition that I was only ever a warm body to meet his needs. Someone to bolster him up and encourage and support him when he was insatiable for validation. What grieves me the most is realising that I gave him my all, but received so little in return. Life lessons I guess. We must learn to give where we get. We are too worthy of being so mercilessly used by these selfish heartless beings. Enough narcs! No more!

    • anewday, I’m so glad that you shared your experience here. Last year, I broke off an engagement to a narcissist – or, rather, after years of manipulation, lies, the roller-coaster of neglect/hyper vigilance, endless self doubt, chaos and what I have ultimately admitted now was emotional abuse – was left no other option but to take care of myself and leave. (Thank GOD I found the strength…it took a total of 8 years, on and off.) I have since been in a very healthy, fulfilling and balanced relationship, with a man who embodies none of these awful traits, but could not figure out why I could not just “let it go” and get over the breakup. I have so much anger and rage about the delusions I participated in, and most of the time, staunchly defended just to stay with him. This of course tends to come out after a few glasses of wine and then I end up completely venting these emotions on my current boyfriend (who is nothing but understanding, but I know this has to be wearing him thin) and I need to figure out a way to heal. I think accepting that he was truly disturbed is the hardest part for me, but it’s definitely the case. I am very slowly getting to a place of feeling peace, but I’m not there yet. Any advice? Other than “time heals all wounds,” because that is just not my style ;)

      • *:} what would fuel my anger was when we would minimize it or call it drama. I wish that ROH would of diagnose me with this. They were not looking for this.

        My anger was sadness. The fear of not being understood by “the” person that only existed in my wishes. This person will respect my boundaries and i will respect his boundaries as well.
        I was afraid that you wouldn’t understand.

      • NoLookingBack, yes time does heal, but how cliche does that sound when your head and heart has been rearranged by a sociopath. My only advice to you and myself, is that we need to remember what they were first attracted to. For me it was my confidence – he came running after that like a thirsty man to water. And by the time he was finished with me, my confidence was shredded. But that is the so called ‘gift’ that he left behind – remembering that I am a confident and valuable human being. I think personally the hardest part of recovering from these types of relationships is realising and accepting that everything was a lie. We were played. I loved the lie because of how it made me feel – valued, special, worthwhile and validated. But he was a lie and everything he manufactured was a lie. I also think that the anger and rage that we feel is also in part, self directed – in that we are sooooo angry and enraged at ourselves for falling in love with an empty shell of a human being, whose only tools were lies, deceit and manipulation. It is a very sobering thought to realise that despite all those red flags, we allowed ourselves to continue on in their game of self deception. I do believe that we will live beyond the horror, and that yes in time we will heal. But an integral part of this journey is actually accepting the truth that we loved the lie, and then forgiving ourselves for simply wanting to love and be loved. Yay for you for moving on and finding real love. Try not to let the former keep detracting from your now – and please remember who you were before the sociopath came into your life :)

    • My goodness. This is my story, too. 3 1/2 years of it. I keep adding to the list to remember what the relationship was like for ME. I was so focused on him: attempting to prove that love … my unconditional love … could heal his childhood wounds. Thankfully, I journaled during much of the relationship and expressed my concern about the non-relationship. It has been almost one month of no contact on my part, and I have blocked him from all social media. How are you doing? I have been healing with EMDR therapy and Zero Balancing to get me back in my skin. Family and friends are so relieved that he is out of my life. Out of the fog: I am awake and aware.

    • Your post hits home with me. As I read some I start thinking maybe my husband wasnt so bad, he didnt hit me or really rage against me. It was the subtle deterioration of me with no affection, the I dont need you but you need me daily reminders and just all out emotional attacks. I never could figure it out, 5 years of questioning what I did that made him put a wall up to me. Why had he shut me out emotionally. Was I too disgusting for him to want to touch me. Nothing I ever did was good enough, I was doing my best to raise his kids and my kids, keep the house clean and I was the only income. Only to be treated like that still wasnt enough. What happened to my prince charming, he even admitted that after we were married he didnt need to impress me any more. I left be accident, I thought it was a gambling addiction. I moved out hoping he would hit bottom, boy what an eye opener. The advantage I have is that he never completed his immigration status so I have a little leverage to work with to keep him at bay. God bless all of you that are helping to get the word out there.

    • Xcarlisa Devine

      I have been a victim for 20yrs.off and on the narc start showing his colors down the road of my life jumping in my life and out. Look at me didn’t have enough he did a lot of things to me very dark person I had to sit and think all the things he did to me from 1990′s all the way to 2014 .had to go back and think then you start to feel helpless bitter you start not trusting anyone girlfriends don’t want to have anything to do with .having always been nice to society you start being close in your walls go all the way up donnel Williams 3114south kedzie ave Chicago 773 4168691 he is a very evil person he has destroyed so many woman he still walks around like judas I hope to save someone that knows him he use to be a dj.in Chicago 1990′s he is a truck driver he has cause some women to be mentally ill

  6. Thank you so much for this. It’s going into the third week for me in realizing what I was dealing with. After a domestic violence dispute and having him arrested I finally see what he really is. I’m afraid of every noise, I’m afraid he’s going to come here. He called my work phone and didnt care about the restraining order. The big bad piece of paper. I am taking all the right steps and calling the police and had him arrested for it. But still doesn’t stop my fear. He will keep coming back. I’m his main supply and I got away. He took everything from my spirit. I was this bubbly, fun, easygoing, loving, honest person. He fed off that. I see people for their good qualities and he played me perfectly. He was so warm and caring, everything I ever wanted in a man. But then he pulled away and started all the cycles. The first time I just thought maybe I’m being too strong. I’ll back off. It went on like this for a week or so until he can crawling back because I have him what he wanted. SPACE, To be with his other sources. I did not know this at the time. I only recently found out that he had two other women on the side. But he came back to me, made me feel like no one else was better than me for him. I was in heaven again, For about another month. It continues back and forth, up and down, for over a year until I finally had enough of his emotional rollercoaster. I started to sink to his level and try to figure what he was thinking. This ruined me. How could he do this? I started being an angry, hateful, spiteful woman. That BY FAR is not me. He had a hold of every peice of me. I couldn’t go to bed at night even until it was passed 1030. If I did, I was cheating on him. Now I’m out the situation and replaying it in my head over and over and over. I can see that it was all a game to get me so dependent on him. I second guessed everything. This is what he wanted. Now that I do not talk to him at all I am slowly getting myself back. But I am in shock, I am hurting, I feel naive and stupid. My friends don’t really understand how mic it hurts. It’s like this person you love and care for, dies. Just gone forever and every memory you have is a lie, and they’ve taken you along with it.
    I’m starting my life over. Building myself up again. In time, I know I will be me again. That’s all I can pray for.

  7. Only God can help you get over narcissistic abuse. And you know why? Because the abuse you have suffered is not just any kind of psychological abuse. It is, above all, SPIRITUAL abuse, that’s why it is so haunting. You have been attacked spiritually not just by a psychopath but by someone who is possessed or, at least, oppressed, by an evil spirit. Read about the Spirit of Jezebel. The description of this spirit’s manifestations is the exact reflection of psychiatrist textbooks! Think about it: how come that ALL narcissists, all over the world, from all walks of life and culture can be so exactly the same? Because they are simply embodiments of the same spirit. The reason why the abuse keeps coming back to haunt you in your memories, even long after the relationship is over, is because you have been fighting a spirit, which will not let go, even though you may have cut all contact for a long time. Go to confession, participate in Holy Communion to strengthen your spiritual defences. Pray for God to protect and heal you: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against the rulers of the darkness”.

    • MH
      I am a born again Christian who believes in the full Gosbel of the bible. I as of Dec 18,2013 was married to a woman who I have been saying for 25 years that she is oppressed by a demonic spirit. If I could only play the sound of the non stop screaming for close to an hour 2-3 times a month while jumping up and down and slapping herself, you would say this is demonic, all the while all the filthy filthy words and the most hateful and hurtful things you could imagine. All for an arguments that could have been easily solved.

      • i know exactly how you feel i have ben marrird for 25 years to a narsacistic man who reminds me of the movie the shining im filing for divorce hes very scary

    • WOW that is so true. Thank you for that enlightenment. I have thought about that many times why these men are so similar it has to be more than a physical thing. When I am tormented by my X Narc “Christian” husband I know I’m not fighting him in the physical but a very evil spirit in him. He can’t see how damaging his behaviors are to me and my children. It can be soo frustrating but I know with the power of Jesus I WILL overcome! Thank you for the wisdom you confirmed my thoughts exactly

    • I have read so many of the posts…could have written many of them….been ALL over the internet and studied, prayed, read my bible, talked to friends and therapist — net/net — this is a hideous thing and we are beautiful people that these “soul suckers” needed….we have to pray the cycle is stopped so they don’t continue to victimize others…we have to pray to be healed…we need others praying for us…whoever said only God can help is SO right. I am a strong believer and I was STILL sucked in…..groomed, setup, it was amazing — then whammy — it was all me, total drama, incredible manipulation, like dealing with a 2 year old child….OMG….wowza wowza…realized my mother was a narc and I healed from that but with God-given empathy and goodness and the “love of Christ” causing me to want to lay down my life for another no wonder I fell prey to this —- BUT good news, God is using it for His glory and yes, even after crying an ocean *but God caught every tear* — I am on my way and taking my life, control, confidence back…I could NOT have done it without prayerful spiritual intervention and intercession of so many friends and my own spirit filled walk with God. This is not a disease of the flesh — the enemy — satan has SO deceived these people in their own hurts and wounds that they are desperate and lost and need to define an identity and need us so bad and we end up as one woman said it — albeit graphic, lying in a pool of our own blood after they blame and cut us — figuratively not literally — and they never even look back to see if we are breathing or alive or if we will make it…it is a sad vicious cycle. I thank God for healing and for my hope coming back and for finding my way to “me” again…Praise Him! We all can do this…there is healing and hope and life after this horrific hellish insanity…..now I can help others…now I understand….now I can see things I did not see before…Now I am just as kind and caring but I have new discernment about who/how/when to give it to….no more “vampires” — as another termed it….the hardest things were to forgive this person…does not mean their actions are ok — but I wont’ be trapped in the pain or prison of what they did and their soul sickness…I pray for him…I pray for God to have a holy encounter with him like Saul — then Paul with the name change — on the Damascus road — and all narcs — so their eyes would be opened to the pain they inflict, the damage they do, the trail of “dead bodies” they so recklessly leave behind them as they selfishly desperately try to find happiness and heal themselves and cope with the pain they do not see or deny….they are so deceived they are often in complete denial and take ZERO accountability, ever, for their actions…at least that is my experience and clinically what I find to be reported as the routine behavior. the cat and mouse games, the lying, blaming, manipulating…oh the insanity of it all. It truly took the supernatural hand of God working in me, helping my mind and heart, helping me break the cycle, put one foot in front of the other to get out of bed and get back to life to find my way…I will not pretend that there are not still moments of desire — but when that comes –I have to remind myself — and yes, it hurts,,,,,,it was all a lie…a big crazy wonderful awful lie…in mercy and love I pray for the narcs in my life but I also pray for protection and peace and prosperity for myself and for all of us who have been hurt — weeping endures for a nite – but joy comes in the morning. If God holds your soul – they hurt you, acknowledge it, it feels like you will “die” sometimes — but that is a feeling and a lie — God says we are overcomers — claim your victory, take it one minute and one day at a time — get a good loving support system — and press on – be you, trust you…..find you….and know that our real and loving God will be there in it all with you to recover, restore and make you better than you were if you seek Him in the process….All my love to those who are hurting…and god’s peace and joy upon you….

      • You are a beautiful soul and you helped this soul today. I thank you from the heart and spirit of God that made me and is healing me from the hell Ive been through. God bless you for eternity!

  8. Nothing could hit the nail on the head more than this truth. EVIL spirit. Just as there is heaven and hell there is God and there is Satan, there is a struggle between flesh and spirit. My personal experience is so unbelievable to this regard, truly, only those who believe that evil spirits exist would not be shocked by what I saw and what I experienced. The changes weren’t just personality and character… the physical change in front of my eyes was jaw dropping. I now know why…. you are standing there wiping your eyes in disbelief… the question is how could this touch my life, invade my very sanctum because I thought God protected His children from these kind of entities coming near you. ANA you answered the question… and wow, I told myself just this morning there can’t be that many bad parents out there passing these traits onto their offspring. Suddenly they seem fine and then years later they are a complete stranger. Like day and night. It’s subtle, a slow burn. How can there be so many LIKE Narcs because in the last days we are going to see more and more of these demonic possessed spirits rise to the occasion. The family unit, the individual… the idea is to destroy as many souls as possible. Wow, I just had this conversation with my cousin who is going through what I’ve been through. It’s driving her crazy how her Narc gets up walks out the door an attends a new church without her and their youngest still at home… he’s been doing this for 2 years. It’s not normal. Like a zombie, a Stepford husband. Emotionless, going through the motions, void of feeling, robotic- doing it to drive her nuts. The church is not the one “they” use to go to. He knows she is suffering, sobbing off and on daily, not functioning and he passive aggressively lives, sleeps in a different room and pretends that life in the household while their son is being destroyed just moves along. Keeps telling her she is sick needs help. I told her to stop allowing him to engage, go about her business and don’t give him the satisfaction. It’s torture I know and I feel her pain, frustration and helplessness- it’s like I’m reliving my same nightmare all over again… she is going about renewing her nursing license and says she is getting out. As far as I’m concerned, even as a Christian I want to believe the only way to survive is to cut loose, remove self from exposure- get out, it isn’t going to get better but worse. Doesn’t God say in the last days He will separate the wheat from the chaff? We must keep turning our focus to God and more than ever… this is why I’m still standing today.

    ANA, you are blessing. Thank you!

  9. amen only god can help you get over a narc. Jesus Christ is in the business of miracles. And you have to completely cut a narc out of your life, remember they are incapable of feeling empathy, they deep down don’t care if you die. They put on a phony show in front of others it’s all about them. If it was about you , you would not be crying and unhappy in the first place. Never forget Jesus said I will never leave you nor forsake you! God bless and take care. Been there and done that! I love being free from a narc!

  10. I would never have used the word ‘evil’ loosely before. But I can use it now, 25 years after I divorced my narc husband. How someone could change so quickly, from Jekyll to Hyde I do not know, but even his face changed and I saw a spirit in him that he’d kept very well hidden until one day it just surfaced – because I threatened to leave him. Up until then he’d kept the mask on but the threat to leave was too much for him and that’s when he started the campaign of abuse in a more sinister way – gaslighting, baiting and switching, sexual abuse, demeaning, you name it … he did it until I broke down and couldn’t put one foot in front of the other without questioning “Am I doing this right.” Narcissistic abuse is like no other form of abuse. It’s not as if they don’t know they’re doing it, because they DO. It’s calculated and they enjoy it. And the problem is their victims cannot for the life of them understand WHY anyone, let alone their own husband would want to behave in such a way. That’s what keeps us glued to our marriage vows – we want to work them out, understand them, fix them, heal them and they think that’s funny too.

    Yes, there is evil in this world and narcissists are IT.

    • I NEVER have used the word evil to describe other human beings either, Grace. In fact, it wasn’t until the narcissist that abused me called a former coworker of his “EVIL” that I began to wonder why he called this woman “Evil”. I thought it was a very peculiar use of words. As I began seeking understanding (and therapy) many of his victims and former business associates contacted me and used the word EVIL to describe his actions that had been going on for 20+ years! The more I learned about how narcissists PROJECT their flaws onto others with the language they choose, it FINALLY MADE SENSE why he chose the word “Evil”.

      Once I saw the pure destruction he caused in SO MANY LIVES – SO MANY LIVES – even his children, his mom, his co workers, women, listeners of his radio show, yoga teachers, sales people at Clearchannel, etc- I knew, EVIL nailed what he IS.

      The final icing on the cake was when after I’d left him, how he continued to stalk and abuse me – that he couldn’t and wouldn’t let go until I was DESTROYED, that I turned to my daughter and said, ‘WHY IS THIS DARK CLOUD HERE??!! I booted him to the curb – why is his presence still a black cloud???”

      She, so innocently and succinctly, as a witness to my abuse said, “Because you made a contract with the devil when you got involved with him.”

      I went out and got a spiritual healer and performed a smudge ceremony on my family and new home. Now whenever evil tries to enter my life – I send it over where it belongs – to HIM. The darkness belongs to HIM. Not me, and my family, praise God!

  11. Thanks for sharing this…. No one truly understand what narcissistic people do… They destroy and teardown… To be abused by this type of person is life threatening and hard to survive it… Thanks so much for showing me I am not alone.

  12. Wow…I was searching around on the ‘nets trying to figure out if there is some sort of “checklist” on knowing when you have healed from an abusive relationship. I haven’t had a professional confirm this yet, but I’m fairly positive I was the victim of a man who embodies that of a narc. (he once “bragged” that he was discharged from the Air Force because it was found that he suffered from antisocial personality disorder) –I realize these are kind of one in the same here.

    It wasn’t until I started reading your comments on here—and actually using the term “evil” to describe these narcs who were once a part of your lives—that some stuff just came back to me. In some old arguments I had with him…I remember calling him “evil”, even a “monster”. I just had no other words to say aside from “my God, you are a monster”. Wow…I’m so glad I’m not alone. I don’t feel my friends/family really understand the severity of what I was going through, how truly evil this person was. Unfortunately, I have a small child with him…so I have to see him often. I will say that I am in a much better place now…I’ve definitely healed/moved on tremendously; esp the past 6 months.

    Keep moving forward! Hearing your stories helps each of us to heal those wounds and move forward. Thank you for sharing.

  13. I hate that everyone thinks that it is men that are the abusers. I am a man and I was lied to and betrayed. The only questionable years I had from a 15 year relationship were the first couple. Then once the kids were born I worked, she stayed home and I got blamed for everything. I never hated anyone before in my life and I never wanted to but it’s getting easier and easier as I realize that it was just a big fricken lie. I never lied at all. The only thing I can think is that I hated liars and instead of an honest relationship I got the liar. I woke up at a party to see another woman lying on top of her, three weeks later I go to the psych ward. Guess what? To this day I’m blamed for it and she’s turned the kids from me. She has taken everything financially and she preys on people’s sympathy. She has even accused me of touching my kids the wrong way and then turned around and told me she was sorry because she was raped. Damage first, then sympathy. My fault is that I loved her from the moment I met her and to this day hope so goes to God. Myself I never want to come back to this planet EVER! I would rather see it break in half then ever come back here. I am so friken hurt from this and I can’t say anything to my kids who think the world of her. I get nothing, she gets everything. If I ask for anything (“ask”, not deserve) then I am met with rage and anger. I am 44 and cycle through wishing myself a heart attack and realizing that I may be having one. Merry Christmas!

    • I was with a liar and he was also a mommies boy who talked behind my back to the biggest enemy I ever have had my mom . He was a controlling freak and a very big BSER. I am a very up front and honest person and from the day I was born I could not and would not put up with liars but I ended up being married to one . I wish you all the best in your healing and please pray as you can not get through this with our God

    • Wow Greg, that sounds like a soul destroying and very dark experience that you have been through. Please try to see your worth, your value and the importance of your life to those who are good hearted with good souls. The sociopath comes to steal, kill and destroy – once we understand who they are and what they are about, it’s then up to us to take stock of our lives, remember who we were before they entered our lives, dust ourselves off and start to shine again. They revel in our brokenness, and they revel in our destruction. I am only starting to realise that my recovery is about re-embracing ‘me’ and living beyond the experience with greater wisdom and hope. They have taken enough from us, but we have the power to say ENOUGH and step into a brand new day where we are free of their lies, deceptions and manipulations. I am ever thankful for my honesty of self – I may not always like who I see, but I do accept my humanity. These empty shells lack a sense of humanity, and that is their greatest self-deception. Embrace being human Greg, take long walks, marvel at creation, and don’t forget to breath in lungs full of fresh air – be glad you are a human being. All peace to you :)

    • I cried reading this. I hope things have got better for you

    • God bless ypu brother and please keep trying to heal with me. I went through something very similar and I completely understand and often times feel very used and beaten up and ruined. I think it takes time and focus to do the little self care things and put ourselves around safe caring empathetic people who get what we have been through and who have our back. Im early developing that network of people and I hope ypu can do the same and remember your not alone. Im very sorry you had to experience that and I know words dont help recoup but the message of hope may.

  14. My mom is a narcissistic screwed up person and I have lived far away from her for a long time but the thoughts do not go away, but I am in a class at my church where we are being taught how to free ourselves from the past. I encourage all of you to be free from these basket cases. May God be with all of you and prayer is the answer.

  15. I’m glad I found this site. I was married for 18 yrs to a Narc I didn’t figure that out till my eyes were opened years later. He was charming when we married but then that summer wiped a wallet at my head putting a hole in the wall of our apartment. There was so many tears shed and he never cared. He never held me when I cried or even apologized. He even videotaped my son’s c-sec and then on the way home told me to stop being a baby when I was complaining of the pain. I asked so many times for him to be a family man that was never the case I was a horrible woman for asking him to get home for dinner so we could eat together. The worst of the abuse happened when my son was 12 he turned on my oldest child. I believe that was shortly after I told him I would leave if the abuse continued. He punched my son in the eye, hit him in the chest, humiliated him in public and strangled him at the age of 14. I never called the cops through all of this. My son started OD on OTC’s and whatever he could get. It was at that point he was admitted to a psych ward. The abuse came out and I will never forget it was the response I received from my X that prompted an immediate leave and filing for divorce. During my son’s week long stay at the behavioral health unit my son refused to see his dad. My X’s response? He NEVER asked how our child was doing there was ZERO concern for the well being of our son. His response was to glare at me and say “I might be going to jail because of you”. I was amazed that a “Christian” father could care more about himself than his own son. So, I filed for abuse and went through a HELL of a 2 yr divorce. I got a restraining order on my x for my oldest child. My son was out of control in my care and I allowed him to see his father. His father was in his face, pushed him down and punched him. I didn’t know that my child had a homemade weapon with him of nails and screws that he pulled out and began to stab his dad with it. When the cops came both the Narc and his mother lied and said that my oldest son “tripped” in the kitchen even though my middle child witnessed it all. The cops bought it and my son was sentenced to jail and a youth treatment center. I had called my x’s life ins company to get a policy # and info for the divorce. Well, you know where this ended up going? He went to the DA’s office and tried convincing them that I sent my son over to stab him. Thank God the DA didn’t buy any of his BS. That monster tried to take my children from me and my home during the divorce using lie after lie to say that I was a bad parent because our oldest child was out of control. Well, let’s just say he got NO where with those lies. I do know that GOD was protecting me from his evil. It’s just amazing to leave 18 yrs of marriage and that man moved on with another woman 2 months after I filed for divorce. Another way to show his true colors. He is incapable of love. I’m looking forward to experiencing true love one of equality, respect and give and take. I have never experienced that and I know God has a great man in mind for me and my boys

  16. I am feeling broken and particularly stupid as my experience happened over the net and in a short time frame, six months from beginning to now as I write. I always thought I was reasonably savvy and would never get “caught” this way but I was hooked within 24 hours of being targeted. What makes it even worse is that I knew I was being manipulated yet chose to ignore my intuition. I swore this man was honest and forthright yet… oh hell, you know the story. Tonight I finally got the courage to block him and am fighting the urge to unblock and see what he is now doing. He wiped me the moment I began asking questions about behaviours he was exhibiting but I have hung on, sending emails declaring undying love, stalking his movements and behaviours from morning to…well morning because I rarely sleep now, do not eat well, have become housebound and solitary, a victim of my own mind now rather than him. I feel insane because really there was no relationship and I knew that, despite the things he said. I feel foolish, sad and desperate.

  17. Didn’t know until 48 hours ago that there was a therapist. Trained. In this dept. It’s been 6 years since we’ vs had visual contact. I realized how much energy I possessed once I gained some of my power back. Note: I was dealing with a narc family since I was in the 2nd grade. I tried moving twice but they would always send people to find me and continuously drain me of the energy that takes so long to regenerate. They’ve isolated me so much in this city, that one only. Solution is to leave the city. My son was affected and I need.a support group to help us rebuild our lives.

  18. wow! You just described what I was married to. No they are not sorry and don’t care. They need to be in jail and divorce them asap. They especially should not be around children. They are the devil and yet they say they are Christian. That is a smokescreen for their behavior. What a narc doesn’t appreciate a nice guy will. Thank god for that.

  19. After 23 plus years, I am out of the fog and awake. He is hell bent on my complete destruction. He made sure that he left us with absolutely nothing, and calls me a mooch, and his kids, because I refuse to be another person who bails him out and lets him walk away without reparations. He tries to tell his friends, who were with us (the kids and I) as we moved from the only home they knew, lost to foreclosure due to his desire to break me, that I should just let go. He is too arrogant to see that I have, and am utterly grateful that I do not have to ever entertain his delusions again. There is nothing that can prepare you for the reality of the abuse, a very dear friend completely validates and understands the moments of crazy that occasionally take hold. The self questioning, etc., she is unwavering in her support, and once I was willing to open up and tell her what I believed was my shame, she was integral in walking with me through the fire. The hardest part is having faith that there are decent men out there, that are not looking for what you can give them, instead of seeing your value as a human, and deserving of respect. Unfortunately, his abuse has permeated the kids, our second struggles with his devaluing me, as his father dictates, and taking from me, while our oldest wants nothing to do with him, and our youngest daughter is a pleaser, which terrifies me for her future. I fear that their need to believe he is the person they want him to be, versus the reality, that they will be subjected to his manipulation for years, and may never see that what they want and need never existed, and they serve as suppliers of his ego. Hard to stand by, but risky to educate with the chance of resentment. Still learning as I go, but with the boundaries drawn, and my stance on right and wrong firmly in place, i am hopeful that they see my actions match my words, and they can rest assured that i expect nothing in return for being their mom, i just want them to be happy in their lives. Long road ahead, excited and a little trepidation, but finally in control of my destiny, and a positive contributor to theirs.

  20. I was with a narcissist for 15 months and it almost destroyed me. I worked with this man and he slowly lured me with his charismatic ways. Eventually we hooked up and he moved in with me and my son but kept his apartment. That should have been my red flag but I assumed he needed a place to run at times to deal with his “black cloud” is what I called his horrible mood. He had a huge hatred for a coworker and at night would spiral out of control complaining and obssessing about this person which would eventually lead into insults aimed at me. I called this his podium state. Then he at times he would run to his friends which I figure he was telling lies about me since everything was exagerated in respect to the coworker I can only imagine what he was telling his friends about me. Then he would dissapear to his apartment and ignore me for a few days of weeks, not returning calls or answering his phone or replying to texts which just drove me in an insecure frenzy. I would drink and send some horrible texts to berate him on his behavior……then poof, there he was again. This went on and on. He would break up with me before things like easter, my birthday, his birthday. I didn’t know why all these things were happening. He would pull my ten year old aside and tell him i’m worthless…..that was it, final straw. He didn’t get a promotion he so badly thought he deserved (his arrogance made him believe everyone wants him) and for this he packed his clothes and I haven’t heard from him since. That was four months ago. I did not know what a narcissist pattern was and after seeing american pshycho the movie, I saw traits that were similar to him. Therefore I began to research and oh my god. I have discovered exactly who this guy is. I also used to say he wore a mask at work and it came off on the bus ride home at night. He has told me in the past that previous girlfriends threw him out, or that he never loved any of them. He said he doesn’t love me, I was just a companion for him possibly until he found someone else, he said he was going to buy a house and I wasn’t welcomed there. I thought these were mean things to say but I didn’t think he was being serious. I see the way he dismissed me over and over again and believe that he would have followed through with that plan. He no longer works in the same building with me as his supervisor sent him to work somewhere else because everyone felt he was not a team player and had no people skills for this environment.Im thankful for that, let the healing process begin.

  21. I had a narcissistic terapeaut. I fell for his intensiv charme, felt secure around him and trusted him as I never trusted anyone. He left me torne apart. Trying to find all the pieces lost. Can´t reconize my self and can´t seem to get over it. I admired him to the point of no return. He ended up devaluating me so eval, so cold. Half a year ago that I stopped seeing him, but every day every hour I struggle trying to get over it still. Toxic…

  22. I have been out of the experiment for only two months.(calling it that now, because it was not a bf/gf relationship). The “experiment” began in March 2013, and I was discarded at the end of November 2013. Give or take, the experiment was approximately 8 months long, but if you include the two month post-discard mind games, then it was a total of 10 months; which, essentially, is almost a year of hell. But good news is that i have officially partaken in the NC rule, and it has been about 3 days now. I have been reading and reading about this condition, and am just so taken back by it. It is quite overwhelming, but yet relieving at the same time. And that is exactly how my days, since the NC rule began, have been. Filled with relief, but then go right back down to feeling overwhelmed. Initially, when i was discarded, though I hadnt defined it to be that at the time, I went to see a counselor. She told me I was experiencing a normal break-up and it was just going to take time. Since then, I have done all this research and am going to arrive to the next appointment with this information. I have a question thought? Do you believe that every process of healing is individually unique, or is there a difference in whether you stayed with the NP for a long time or a short time? I was only with mine for the 8 months. Could it be that he discarded me quickly because I “caught on”? I mean, without knowing that i was only angering him more, I would literally articulate the exact things he was doing to upset me. Now looking back I am realizing how pissed he must have been for probably calling him out on the exact things he was partaking in. The first time he raged on me was a month into the “experiment” because I had gotten mad at him for an argument he had been in with a female musician he was working with, but whom i felt he was having an internet affair with. I think he knew then that after that he would have to come on super strong with his charm, and he did. I thought we were at the peak of our “love” when he was the sweetest to me. Seems as though it was just to reel me in even deeper. Still, I had about 3 or 4 episodes where id freak out, feel a sick gut instinct about something, and hed label it as me doing what i always do when times get rough, “running away.” Finally, the final freak out moment I had, again having to do with a female, led him to discard me. He called me so many things, but the best word he labeled me as was a narcissist. Just sharing. thank you

  23. I have been reading your website. This is a godsend! I’m 10 months out of an abusive relationship with an N. My father was also an N. I have felt like everything was my fault because I’m stupid, gullible, not worthy. I have even felt like going back to my abuser or more correctly I think about it all the time. I devalue myself for thinking this and for not being able to just let go. It makes me feel crazy sometimes. I cried the first 3 mos and then I stopped and squashed them down. I realize this was the wrong thing to do. I’ve been crying all morning reading your site. I’m happy to know that this is all right. I need help and support from others who are or have gone through this and understand the inability to let go and the compulsive thinking.

    • He is not capable of love you are, I never loved my husband cause the person I thought I loved between the rage was not real, a fictional character made up to control me. Never go back x

  24. This helps so much! While it’s sad knowing others suffered, it’s also comforting knowing someone understands finally all of the same feelings I’ve been trying to convey. I thought I was going crazy and in fact was told I was going crazy. I began to believe the period of space between sanity and insanity was the most painful place a person could be.

    I want to believe a full recovery is possible but right now it seems as allusive as escaping the narcissist. It seems to also be a roller coaster ride. I have moments of sincere hope and thoughts of ambitious moments that I can actually overcome this debilitating and crippling depression that has manifested itself with an inability to function in a day-to-day life.

    I never thought I would be a person who literally cannot bring myself to get out of bed except to shower and use the rest room as needed each day. I no longer have a job. My career that I had worked so hard for in corporate America is gone. My social life is gone. Anyone that claimed to be my friend has left me. I am left with virtually nothing but my thoughts and simply because I finally saw my way to see what the narcissist was and I filed for divorce and the subsequent campaign that he launched against me cost me everything. That included my job, my neighbors, my church, and I am left with only my thoughts.

    I didn’t understand fully until last week that my life had only been a lie. I realized my life had had been one of tumultuous abuse of every form and fashion but I had no idea that his decision time and time again to go back to his abusive ways was only because any effort he had made at change with nearly an act. It had taken me 18 years to accept the fact that I was an enabler and that the abuse wasn’t my fault, but my not leaving this rendering him helpless to change.

    Once I left and he told me he would never change I filed for divorce and I had no idea why the public persecution and and smear campaign had taken place because I had never seen anything like that but finding out that he was a malignant narcissist it finally makes sense and I am left in this aftermath trying to cope. It was only trying to find some help for the debilitating shape that I’m in that I discovered what he really is.

    Having lost everything including my job I had worked so hard to attain and had managed to keep for 15 years despite enduring mental, emotional, and physical abuse along with gaslighting and every other form of narcissistic abuse possible, I now have no health insurance and absolutely no way that I can see to receive counseling.

    I would like to attain help and have been reaching out on the Internet to read all that I can. I was with this narcissist for 20 years. I was deeply committed to the marriage because I was very strong in my faith and I believed it was the right thing to do to stay married. I was very loyal to the company I worked for and I worked very hard to attain the position I was in. I don’t blame them for the decision they had to make in letting me go after the onslaught of threats that my ex-husband (at the time we were going through the divorce) made because the owners of the company feared for the lives of every employee and had to make a decision based on the threats that were being made, but right but I am reduced to a person who honestly cannot get out of bed. I am in extreme need of counseling.

    I don’t want to feel this way and if it was something I could will myself out of I would do it but I have come to realize it isn’t. I want to become a functioning member of society again. My divorce has been final nearly 90 days and the proceedings took a little more than six months. We shared a home that we did not owe a mortgage on and I am currently living in that home. I have one more week in the home and then I am to move but I am not sure where I can move since I am basically out of money and my ex-husband who is supposed to pay me a lump sum settlement has told me he will not be paying.

    I’m sure I’m not the first person to divorce a narcissist who didn’t receive their settlement and of course I know now why I had to take much less than I should’ve gotten considering all the years of abuse and that I was the one primarily working but I seriously just wanted out of the marriage and I wanted to get on with my life however I had no idea this crippling depression was going to set in.

    • I’ve been a victim of a narc mother and two narc relationships. I too am at a barely functioning level and have struggled with social phobia my entire life. But, after the first relationship is when I soon stopped being a functioning working individual. My husband is loosing patience with me at this point I’ve struggled so long to get a lifer back. He’s stood by me for far too long as I try to piece myself back together sufficiently enough to go back to a work environment. If I don’t get it together soon he may divorce me. :( Have you thought about trying to barrage yourself with self help topics? When I do I start to feel a little better especially since I am also left with only myself and my thoughts. If you wish to talk my email is dixie74@sbcglobal.net. I can try to be here if you need an ear. Buddhist points of view tend to help me and it’s not a religious thing. The teachings are very beneficial. Buddhism is essentially psychology and very good positive psychology at that. You’re going to have to refocus and it’s certainly easier said than done. Good luck to everyone struggling.

    • I am recovering from a narc as well. I went into a severe depression where it was difficult to do anything. I would only sleep for 2 to 3 hours a day. I would do nothing except stay in bed most of the day. It was a struggle to even force myself to get up to eat. If you would like someone to chat and talk to you can always email me at truong_tuyen2003@yahoo.com

  25. Pray morning noon and night! God is all any of have. I went through what your going through. It is hell. But this too shall pass. I promise you keep your focus on Jesus Christ and things will change quickly for the better and have no contact with the narc . God bless honey!

  26. The more I educate myself by reading about narcissism the better I feel. This is an especially awesome post!! I have been in an on again off again relationship for almost 5 years with a full blown narcissist. I am in the process of leaving again and I’m so thankful to know that other people understand what I’ve been through with this man. I am getting stronger and I believe in myself. I’m excited to get away from him and live a life not having to walk on eggshells.

  27. Needed to read that tonight

  28. I am just starting the road alone on the 4 of this month will be the second time i put him in jail…the first time they let him go….do I have faith in the system….no I don’t….he will walk again I just no it….I am lucky at the moment he has moved to the new one…but it hasn’t stopped him from sitting out side my house

  29. I finally divorced after just over 3 years married to a narcissist/ sociopath. We separated after 8 months when I was shocked when he coolly informed me “I don’t love you deeply, I don’t love anyone that way.” I didn’t know about personality disorder and at the time couldn’t understand he was actually telling the truth for a change. A couple more years of several professionals, constant lies, abuse and despair – I kept trying to figure out what I could do to fix things. It wasn’t until I saw his behavior in technicolor towards people he worked with that I was able to more clearly understand. He was asked to clear out his desk and go. He was a police chief – someone else actually gave him another gun, badge and police power even after disclosure regarding his mental health ( without the usual psych eval cops are supposed to go through). Scary, huh? I could final see right through him – his behavior was actually evil, soulless. My Mom has the same. No more benefit of the doubt. If words and actions do not match consistently this is not someone you should be with. Dangerous. Regarding PROJECTION – read up on this. Explains a lot. My husband regularly let me know exactly who he was by what he accused me and others of – you’re a master manipulator, why do you compete with me, you’re unsafe, I’m walking on eggshells, he’s dangerous, he’s colonel narcissist, he’s a child molester. At first I knew I wasn’t any of those things and told him I’m sad he doesn’t know who I really am – but then I would twist myself into a pretzel trying to change his perception ( not realizing he wasn’t describing me at all, but himself)

    This is a broken person, a faulty computer that can’t be fixed. I didn’t believe in evil before this and had a naive notion that everyone is good in their core. Not anymore. More people need to know about personality disorder but, as we know, it’s hard to understand the destruction unless you live it.

    Take care of yourselves. Find a way to put your obsessive thoughts into something good or repairing. Slowly it will get better. Now you know that evil does indeed exist and can confront it or run the other way and find courage, a better you. It wasn’t you.

  30. Praise God for what I just read. I have been abused for 20 years by other narcissist husband’s, but the man I was just inside involved with because he knew Jesus I thought I was safe to love him but yes he knows Jesus but didn’t have a relationship with him. I’ve survived 20 years of abuse just to go thru this. It hurts but it will pass

  31. I was in a nacissistic relationship for 4 years without realising it!, until the lies, affairs etc became too much. I was living and working for him and with the grace of GOD and many tears and prayers I have since found another job and have started “living” again. Thanks for helping me know I am not alone.

  32. This is an excellent report and one I needed to hear. For many years, I blamed and punished myself for being in a relationship with a narcissist. I am stunned and shocked that, despite myself being a strong person, was brainwashed and controlled by a narcissist. The good point I will say for myself is that I got out of it after being with a narcissist for a year. My mother was trapped with one for years and years till his dying day. Now though, I have moved away from the area I lived in with my narcissist boyfriend. Everything went far too fast – he was asking me to marry him after seeing each other for two months! His charm and overwhelming offers of gifts and money were (I can see this now) his way of sucking me into his controlling ways. I am so relieved today that am out of it and pity his next victim(s). It doesn’t take him long to find another victim and does exactly the same to them as he did with myself and his previous victims before me. I now would love to let it all go and move on and hope that I can x

  33. Thank God for this website…. I have just left an abusive, cheating partner who definately had many narcissitic traits….What a huge relief to know I am free.. I have tried several times, but this time am done.. blocked the phone, He swings, he Lies. His life is all a big lie, and what a rollercoaster.. AM OF the rollercoaster.yahoo

  34. Thank you. I read as much as I can. My police detective husband raped me and when I challenged him told everyone I was crazy. Yes I was mentally ill, called depression. Got it 2 years ago when 25 years with a narcissistic abuser took there toll. I am kind, loving, popular cause I care about other people. He saw me coming, he’s now with my ex friend and is now controlling her.
    Raped 3 times, beaten, mentally abused. Betrayed and abandoned by my friend. I still got to have contact because of my beautiful children but hey im still here fighting x

  35. Wounded and worried

    Manipulation. Rage. Abuse. Demeaning. Mocking. Wanted my property. Hurts his children. Feeling powerless to stop it. Threats on my life. I feel he has the sneaky behaviour of a sociopath. As I’m reading this, I truly fear for the children. He says I’m a liar, scammer, fraud, robber, sexual predator, selfish, etc etc- I am aware now of deflection/projection. He feels he is always a victim. To everyone he has ever known. Parents, co-workers, children, ex and now me. He’s tried to have me arrested several times and succeeded once FOR BEING LATE IN A BLIZZARD. He called CPS and RCMP on me so many times cops started getting angry at me. He sounds believable and he knows how to manipulate and con. After all, he doesn’t care about the children. It’s about him. Winning. His perverse sense of entitlement. His ex tried to warn me, told me narcissist. I shrugged it off. I didn’t get it. I was strong. Raised well. Smart. Independant. As IF I thought. And, no- he’d never harm me. I can’t explain except here on paper the turmoil, mental abuse, physical abuse towards me and the abuse towards the children leaving worried every day worse and worse. Crazy-making also applies. But I won’t stop until my children are safe. He’s hard to catch and as time slips away with the children in jeopardy, he’s slandered me, harassed me, threatened me, then asks me for sex and to move in and be a family again. Are his threats real? I truly wish. As he deflects, is he a sexual predator? He gets his son to worship/fear him so if he is he would make his own son not believe it was happening. He neglects him, hurts and shames him. In public- you couldn’t find a more decent father (not always so I hope someone else catches him in a rage name calling and swearing at his son and pushing him around). If he continues to deflect, I’m beyond worried for the kids. I’ve told the truth and few understand. This guy is devious, a blank shark. I have lived in FEAR for over a year because of his threats. I’m told to walk away. NO. I will not leave a child in harm. I’m a good person, honest person and now a scatterbrained worrier BUT thanks to pages like this and learning about narcissistic/sociopaths I feel waaaay better. Knowledge is power. So. As he continues to destroy my life, I will educate police, CPS and everyone else on narcissistic parents. I AM NOT A LIAR and yet he has most convinced I am the bad guy. His threats play over and over in my head. I can’t imagine how hurt his own son must feel and what I hope to save him and baby girl from as long as it takes. It’s hard. I can understand how people (just like me four years ago) must think if me and how unbelievable I must sound. It’s hard to explain abuse. Mental, physical and sexual. So hard to explain to people who go home from work in their comfortable lives what it feels like to be stripped of all sense of self, and to live walking in fear for this one man’s behaviours that did nothing but destroy. Imagine someone trying to lie to you day in and day out- from big things to little things- and then when you try to confront them, they throw it back onto you, make you question yourself, or lie more or rage, or take it out on the kids coz that’s where he knows he can hurt you most. So you protect that. You stand up for yourself but it gets harder- he finds a few “errors” or innocent mistakes and holds it over your head and shames you. Soon, one look or comment has you afraid- like a cue, subtle but dangerous. I want everyone to know that his lies are lies and are meant to isolate, humiliate and hurt me. He’s succeeded in hurting me and both children. I need support and with pages like this I can only say thanks. Coz every bit of support helps.

  36. I am recovering from a narc relationship, and i do have waves of memoeies that are starting to plague me. They seem to have gone away, but now the details of the harsh truth are resurfacing. I do find myself angry, vengeful, hateful, feelings of guilt, fear, and I cry, ALOT!

    I am barely starting to function again. At first i would just sit, with my hand on my forehead, head down, paralyzed wirh disbelief. My very soul felt as if it had been ripped out of me. One sister said that he couldn’t of taken everything; at that time it sure felt like he had. He had taken my job, violantly vandalized my truck, and most of all i allowed him to take me.

    Anyway, I am starting to educate myself furher, and I really need to work through this with people who understand. Most people, through no fault of there own, do not know the devastation these narcs cause. I need some support from others. I need that connection. I need validation, that I am not making too heavy of this truly painful lesson, but I am also exhausted, and want desperately to move on.

  1. Pingback: Seeking knowledge of a sociopath - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

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