The Four Most Common Masks Worn by The Narcissist
When presented with the “show-off”, recognize that you are in the company of someone who HUNGERS for the adoration and envy of others. You’ll see these people on social media, frequently posting photos of themselves, in provocative and titillating poses (female) and in various scenerios showing how “magnificent” and “aesthetically pleasing” their lives are. Add to that, the retweets and shares of the flattering “Oohs and Aahs” and you have someone who’s quite literally STARVING.
Even someone who feigns the ole self depracating comments and gestures are showing-off how “selfless” they are. Bologna. Self-efficacy and quiet charm can be just as narcissistic as braggadocia. Remember the “motive”: ADORATION. They don’t care if they get it from playing the loud guy/gal or being the very well admired “quite guy” or “shy girl”.
These people have learned that if they can impress you with some talent, skill, or sexuality, they can temporarily nourish their hunger and extinguish their shame.
When encountering “The Bully” recognize that you are now in the company of someone who has a RIGID mistrust of people and their motives. This person is deathly afraid of the following:
Being controlled, being made a fool of, and being taken advantage of. It’s interesting to note that the very things they fear happening to themselves, is PRECISELY what they do to others – with absolutely no remorse. Clearly illustrating their lack of empathy. (The reverse Golden Rule. Do unto others as you’re afraid of having them do to you)
The bully deeply fears that no one could truly care about them given their deep inadequacies, history of offenses, and inner core of shame. Bullies protect themselves by being critical and controlling of others; keeping them at a safe emotional distance.
In order to ensure that they attain their desired “worshipped” status, that coveted role of superior and ultimate “authority”, the bully must be sure that YOU feel weak, powerless and stupid.
When dealing with someone who feels they can make their own set of rules and that they should be able to have whatever they want, whenever they want it. They feel superior as if they deserve a special set of rules and treatment. They easily become indignant and petulent when someone suggests that they don’t quite agree with the narcissist’s superiority complex.
The concept of give & take reciprocity is entirely lost on a narcissist. Because they believe that you owe them to be sub-servient to their needs, wants and whims – they view your attempt to get reciprocal action as an affront, insult and control move. How DARE you take something the narcissist deserves away from them! They have serious trouble being on the receiving end of the word NO and are very acidic and downright abusive with their response and furthermore feel NO REMORSE for their inability to empathize with others.
The Addictive Self-Soother
When dealing with this brand of narcissist, what you can expect to see is someone who is in a state of unknowing avoidance. The intolerable discomfort associated with the narcissist’s unrecognized loneliness, shame and utter disconnection when the spotlight is not casting a gorgeous glow over them sends them to the basement of despair time and time again. For how does a narcissist EXIST without any group of fans, telling them how wonderful they are and how much they matter.
They may engross themselves in workaholism, excessive weight fixation, rigid routines that somehow give them a feeling that they matter in a significant and obsessed fashion; alcohol, drugs, sex, eating, spending, or even internet, gaming, or tv marathoning. They do this to escape that soul gnawing sensation of throbbing emptiness. Whatever it is they escape into, you can be sure that YOU will NOT be welcome there. Instead, this escape artist expects you to be there just as you always have, waiting to receive a scrap of attention. You are expected to pander to their emotional disappearing acts and not request their presence nor complain – regardless of the emotional costs to you.